From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Molly at 70
Happy birthday tomorrow to Molly Ivins, born August 30, 1944. She left us seven years ago, but her Texas sass has lost none of its bite:
[W]e've bounced back from this same mistake before---the mistake of thinking that we can make ourselves safer if we just make ourselves less free. We get so scared of something---scared of communism or crime or drugs or illegal aliens---that we think we can make ourselves safer by sacrificing freedom. Never works. It's still true: the only thing to fear is fear itself.Highly recommended: Molly Ivins: A Rebel Life by Bill Minutaglio and W. Michael Smith, a non-sugar-coated account of her amazing yet far-from-charmed life as a journalist and shitkicker.
Q: What's the difference between an anus and an asshole?
A: An anus can't put its arms around you.I have a correspondent named Irwin Wingo in Weatherford, Texas. Irwin and some of the leading men of the town are in the habit of meeting about ten every morning at the Chat 'n Chew Café to drink coffee and discuss the state of the world. One of their number is a dittohead, a Limbaugh listener. He came in one day, plopped himself down, and said, "I think Rush is right. Racism in this country is dead. I don’t know what the ni***rs will find to gripe about now." I wouldn't say that dittoheads, as a group, lack the ability to reason. It's just that whenever I run across one, he seems to be at a low ebb in reasoning skills.Great bio.
Republicans in the Senate have constructively declared English the national language. That'll fix everything. Every foreigner at our borders will stop and say: "Gosh, ma foi! English is the national language here. Good thing to know. I'll begin speaking it immediately." Yes sir, you want a solution, call a Republican.
The American press has always had a tendency to assume that the truth must lie exactly halfway between any two opposing points of view. Thus, if the press presents the man who says Hitler is an ogre and the man who says Hitler is a prince, it believes it has done the full measure of its journalistic duty.
Texas sign in front of a pharmacy: GENERIC PROZAC NOW IN, GOD BLESS AMERICA.
Cheers, Molly. Any hijinks you can engage in from the great beyond to mess with Goodhair Perry's life would be greatly appreciated.
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, August 29, 2014
Note: Just a heads-up---there will be no C&J next Monday or Tuesday, so you'll have to cobble your own together out of Spam, dryer lint and tinfoil. Please submit complaints to the proper authorities. Or just think them in your head and the NSA will transmit them to the proper authorities free of charge.-
Days 'til the midterm elections: 67
Days 'til the Kansas State Fair: 7
Percent chance that Israel won the recent war against Hamas: 100%
Percent chance that Hamas won the recent war against Israel: 100%
Amount by which Arkansas' health insurance premiums will drop next year under the Affordable Care Act, after years of rising by an average of 10%: 2%
(Source: Think Progress)
Number of parks and memorials managed by the National Park Service, which turned 98 this week: 401
Dollars returned in economic activity for every dollar we invest in our national parks: $10
NEW! Michele Bachmann Departure Countdown-
Michele Bachmann and her googly eyes leave Congress in 127 days.
After that, she'll become a perpetual dis-honorary Creep of the Week. No cash prize involved, just lots of dirty looks.
Puppy Pic of the Day: Listen up, I need to remind you of something important: National Dog Day is last Tuesday.
CHEERS to focusing on the important issues. President Obama gave a press briefing yesterday to discuss various troubling events on the international front that will require much thought, debate and intelligence to deal with. Here's the official internet summary of what you need to know about the briefing: OMG the president wore a tan suit, that's the signal to turn America into a Muslim wasteland. Several right-wing bloggers were briefly hospitalized with imagination-induced pearl-clutching injuries. After their release, they were re-admitted after suffering traumatic shock when they realized they'd briefly felt happy that their pearl-clutching treatment was subsidized by Obamacare.
CHEERS to finding your place in this topsy-turvy world, eh. O Canada! I think you've hit on a great role for yourselves on the international stage: Gentle Explainer of Stuff…
If you're taking requests, send our Republicans a reminder of the difference between "Head" and "Ass." With love.
learn that Katrina was destroying the
south and Republicans were in charge.
The day of the storm, Brown exchanged e-mails about his attire with [FEMA's deputy director of public affairs Cindy] Taylor, [Rep. Charlie] Melancon said. She told him, "You look fabulous," and Brown replied, "I got it at Nordstroms. ... Are you proud of me?" An hour later, Brown added: "If you'll look at my lovely FEMA attire, you'll really vomit. I am a fashion god."Say it with me, for old time's sake: "Heckuva job, Brownie." Meanwhile, you want to see something pretty? Look, Ma---no hurricanes:
JEERS to furry ambushes. On August 30, 1979, President Carter was attacked by a 20-foot tall rabbit with laser eyes and a grenade in each paw! Or…not:
Carter was alone in a small fishing boat when a swamp rabbit, a species of large cottontail, began swimming toward his boat. He turned the frightened and agitated rabbit away with a paddle. Several months later he jokingly mentioned it to press secretary Jody Powell, who repeated it offhandedly to a reporter. To Powell's horror, The Washington Post headlined "President Attacked by Rabbit." Carter was lampooned by turns as crazy, weak, and ineffective.It was a low-water mark for shoddiness in journalism. Or as Politico would call it: the high-water mark for excellence in journalism.
On Bill Moyers & Company, an encore of "How tax reform can save the middle class" with Joseph Stiglitz. And here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Chuck Todd is your moderator. Chuck Todd. The guy who said it's not journalism's job to fact-check, but to let the ideologues present their own facts while the moderator smiles and makes coffee---what fun! This week's exclusive guest is a robot Ronald Reagan in a tan suit.Happy viewing!
This Week: Apparently all they've got is a roundtable with Rep. Tom Cole (R-OK), Matt Dowd, former New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson (D), and Myrtle Beach Tourism cheerleader Cokie Roberts.Sunday: Robot Reagan on
the NEW "Meet the Press."
Face the Nation: This weekend it's Bob Schieffer's turn to babysit John McCain while Cindy goes shopping; Rep. Adam Smith and Rep. Peter King (R-NY); roundtable with Danielle Pletka (AEI) and Michael Singh (Washington Institute for Near East Policy).
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: This weekend it's Chris Wallace's turn to babysit Rep. Mike Rogers (R-MI) while wife Kristi goes shopping; midterm election poll dancers Mark Mellman (The Mellman Group) and Bill McInturff (Public Opinion Strategies); roundtable with George Will, Julie Pace, Mike Needham and Charles Lane.
CNN's State of the Union: Who knows? They never update their website in time. So let's go with John McCain, Rand Paul, Rick Perry, and a Darth Cheney hologram from Death Star #3. Was I close?
Six years ago in C&J: August 29, 2008---Democratic National Convention wrapup…
And just one more…
CHEERS to famous firsts. Where does the time go. Six years ago, I posted my first reference to Sarah Palin, and this is it:
JEERS to adults who prove every day they're not smarter than a fifth-grader. Steve Doocy of---you guess it---Fox News says Sarah Palin is a fantastic choice for vice president. He thinks she's got the chops she needs to handle foreign affairs because... Um, because... Because Russia is in her backyard. Which I guess means that if McCain wins, Steve Doocy will be a shoo-in to be appointed Ambassador to Pluto.
of Palin tonight, so please
enjoy this basket of peaches.
Have a great Labor Day weekend. Go Unions!!!! See ya next month! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?