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It's been nearly two years since America's sweetheart, Mitt Romney, got sk[r]ewed out of the presidency (#ThanksOsama), and Republicans are still working through the stages of grief.

First came the denial, which quickly—too quickly for some—gave way to anger; oh, teh butthurt!

Many now insist that time has proven Romney right, about everything—but you just can't bargain with those people.

I mean, not even Romney himself believes that bullshit.

In fact, just last week he acknowledged that President Obama is much worse than he had expected.

So, you see, Mitt Romney isn't perfect, like a robot.

He's a human being, just like you and me—but with a car elevator.

The sooner Republicans stop acting all depressed (about their 2016 field) and accept this (have a "Come to Jesus Joseph Smith" moment, if you will), the better their chances of preventing Obama's third term, and ensuring the survival of white privilege, will be.

Morning lineup:

Meet The Press: Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA); Roundtable: Former Commander of US Central Command Gen. Anthony Zinni, Former Under Secretary of Defense for Policy Michèle Flournoy and Former Director of the National Counterterrorism Center Michael Leiter.

Face The Nation: Sen. John McCain (R-AZ); Rep. Adam Smith (D-WA); Rep. Peter King (R-NY); Roundtable: Danielle Pletka (American Enterprise Institute) and Michael Singh (Washington Institute for Near East Policy).

This Week: Guests TBD; Roundtable: Rep. Tom Cole (R-OK), Republican Strategist Matthew Dowd, Former New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson (D) and Cokie Roberts (ABC News).

Fox News Sunday: Rep. Mike Rogers (R-MI); Democratic Pollster Mark Mellman; Republican Pollster Bill McInturff; Roundtable: George Will (Washington Post), Julie Pace (Associated Press), Michael Needham (Heritage Action for America) and Charles Lane (Washington Post).

State of the Union: Rep. Dutch Ruppersberger (D-MD); Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-IL); Sen. Robert Menendez (D-NJ); Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-TX); Roundtable: Lanhee Chen (Hoover Institution), Democratic Strategist Penny Lee, Morehouse College Prof. Marc Lamont Hill and Republican Pollster Kristen Soltis Anderson.

Evening lineup:
60 Minutes will feature: a report on a group of European thieves dubbed "the Pink Panthers" which has stolen $500 million over 20 years (preview); and, a report on groundbreaking research on the factors that determine which of us will make it past age 90 (preview).

On Comedy Central...

First-time film director Jon Stewart was righteously indignant about Fox News' coverage of the shooting of Michael Brown. (08/27/14)

The Daily Show

Monday: Pre-empted

Tuesday: Author Ramita Navai

Wednesday: Filmmaker Rory Kennedy

Thursday: Musician Adam Levine

And multiple Emmy Award winner Stephen Colbert expressed his own outrage about the situation in Ferguson. (08/27/14)

The Colbert Report

Monday: Pre-empted

Tuesday: Actor Mandy Patinkin

Wednesday: Author Randall Munroe

Thursday: Presidential Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin

Elsewhere...

Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Corbett sought to reform the state's liquor laws... for the ladies.

Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Corbett (R) thinks his state should reform its liquor laws. That way, he argued, women would have an easier job making dinner. [...]

"I think a lot of people want to be able to walk into a grocery store," Corbett said. "Particularly, a lot of the women, want to be able to go in and buy a bottle of wine for dinner, go down buy a six pack or two six packs, buy dinner, and go home. Rather than what I just described, is at least three stops, in Pennsylvania."

Meanwhile...

Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal mixed it up with some immigration activists.

When four immigration activists asked Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal (R) to address a Board of Regents policy barring undocumented immigrants from enrollment to some Georgia colleges Tuesday night, they probably didn't expect the governor to "presume" that they were undocumented.

"It can only really effectively be dealt with by the federal government at the congressional level in dealing with the DREAM Act children, which I presume maybe you are," Deal said at a University of Georgia College Republicans meeting, according to the Athens Banner-Herald.

The activist reportedly retorted, "Because I look Hispanic?" The crowd jeered while Deal apologized. He added that the policy would continue because it would be a huge concern for Georgia residents.

And, last but not least...

Ben Stein picked up on Fox News' argument that black skin is esentially the same thing as a weapon.

In an interview with Newsmax's Steve Malzberg yesterday, conservative pundit Ben Stein insisted that Michael Brown, the black teenager who was shot to death by a police officer in Ferguson, Missouri, "wasn't unarmed" because he was "armed with his incredibly strong, scary self."

"The idea of calling this poor man 'unarmed' when he was six-foot-four, 300 pounds, full of muscles, apparently — from what I read in the New York Times — on marijuana, to call him unarmed is like calling Sonny Liston unarmed or Cassius Clay unarmed," Stein said.

Ease his pain.

- Trix

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