The first time I found dog poop under the Obama/Biden sign in my front yard, I blamed a distracted dog owner. High-energy dogs can be a distraction. They poke their noses into unwelcome places, yank on leashes, and can seem, to other people out for a stroll, overprotective of their owners. This might explain the “ooops” left in my front yard. Some dog owner had to rein in a canine...
But repeat offenses, almost weekly, and the consistent placement of the pile, under the sign, left no doubt that this was not a dog problem. Clearly some neighbor was making a statement.
So, a petty, infantile, ignorant coward was declaring he lived in my neighborhood. And he felt free to leave dog poop in my yard. Entitled, you might say.
A remarkable insight into a Republican mind...
But to make sure, I moved the sign farther from the sidewalk, closer to the house.
This led to the alarming discovery that the neighborhood coward wasn't above trespassing. He displayed a truly “One-Percent level” of entitlement. Wow...
I should add that his “commentary” was always bagged. That told me the dog wasn't a stray, or off-leash. No, some human was offering wordless, intentionally provocative commentary.
My reaction to this abuse of civil society was a mixture of amusement and interest. Some neighbor wanted to annoy me. This gesture seemed to empower him.
So I decided I would not give him what he wanted. I put up a second yard sign fifteen feet from the first one.
From my point of view, it worked. Only one sign at a time was ever “dog-bombed.”
This slightly off-kilter routine continued through the 2008 election season, through Obama's re-election, and because I live in Wisconsin, it continued through the remarkable effort to get our morally vacuous, corrupt, Koch-puppet Republican governor, Scott Walker, recalled from office.
I owned a dog for over a decade. Or as any dog owner more accurately says, “I was owned by a dog” for over a decade. We adopted Finn from the Humane Society. Our half-Sheltie, half-American Eskimo, a half-wild bundle of energy and matted fur, was found half-starved on the streets of Milwaukee.
So cleaning up after a dog was not some great inconvenience. I decided it would fail to induce this coward's desired reaction. Cleaning up under the yard sign became part of cleaning up after Finn. It was just a routine. And though Finn left us before Obama's second inauguration, arthritic and barely able to stand, the habits attending his care were easy to keep.
And so, nameless, faceless, neighbor, cleaning up after your dog, the need for which is your admission that you are remarkably infantile and immature, merely calls to mind fond memories of the dog who helped me transition to empty-nester.
My wife Jane, a beauty prone to understated, deft maneuvers in the personal/social/political realm, sensed how the departure of our youngest left a hole in my heart. I had delivered my daughter into this world, had tried to be the engaged, available father a child needs, and felt her absence keenly when she joyfully moved on to independent living.
I could smile with unreserved happiness as she stepped away from me and into a world full of excitement and adventure. And I could also wander the house, still half expecting to hear her laugh, still hoping to be the victim of a impetuous hug. And Jane, quiet, beautiful Jane, sensed my aimless fumbling and suddenly developed a keen interest in owning a dog again. She'd grown up with Border Collies.
Of course, reader, you know perfectly well who the dog was for...
And much like a puppy, I took the gambit at face value. Keep Jane happy, household is happy, there is harmony in the universe...
Finding the right dog was not an event over which we had the deciding vote. The dog has a say in the matter...
Finn selected us (well, selected me) by simply meeting my gaze and suddenly smiling, this on a day when Jane and I had made yet another visit to the Humane Society. Objective, dispassionate types will remind you that his ancestors devised this highly successful ploy, the timely mouth-grimace, as a way to improve their chances of survival. I am such a sucker...
Jane, of course, conspired with the canine, and Finn gave every indication he would accept responsibility for our care and well being.
Finn was a form of therapy. He lived in the moment, needed no excuses to play, tested his boundaries weekly, and was a riot to watch when he instinctively herded groups of nieces and nephews into the center of the backyard, then barked at Jane and me, seeking approval.
And fair to say Finn helped us through the Great Recession and my career change. We are getting back on our feet through our own enterprise, no thanks to the idiot governor and the greedy Republiclowns here and nationwide. Responsible, functional government could have and should have prevented the Great Recession. Republican fingerprints are all over the crash. Jane and I lost thousands of dollars of income for no other reason than to line the pockets of the already wealthy. And this thievery slashed our retirement investments. And it never had to happen. And many were affected far more profoundly than we were.
My cowardly neighbor is oblivious to all this. Doubtless his conviction is that the Great Recession was all Obama's fault. The talk-radio blowhards tell him so. If I knew who this anonymous neighbor was, I'd ask him to explain this line of reasoning. I already know he would fail in the attempt.
I cannot blame the neighborhood dog whose owner has no durable concept of civil society. That owner might even be taking good care of his dog. He just chooses to be oblivious to the harm Walker and the Republicans have done to the state economy, and to functional state government. His dog, and mine, would make better voters than he is.
So the “Mary Burke for Governor” sign is going up in the front yard, close to the sidewalk and the road. Burke, a Democrat, is an infinitely better candidate for chief executive of the Badger State than is the bumbling, soulless, money-and-power-addicted Koch-Automoton Walker.
And if the price I have to pay for promoting a change to open, honest, functional state government is a bit of yard work, and a lot of canvassing for Burke, I'm already in. I decided years ago that a nameless, faceless coward who wanders my neighborhood would not win, would not stop me from speaking for just government, that Republicans like my anonymous neighbor may be unreachable, immune to reason, uncivil, infantile, and ignorant, but they're also powerless to stop me.
I have to be able to tell my grandchildren one day that I saw the breach and stepped up, stepped in. The Wisconsin they grow up in will once again serve every citizen, and not just the moneyed elite, because I and many other Democrats and Independents demanded, and voted, that it do so.