Short-fingered vulgarian, habitual liar and bankruptcy recidivist Donald Trump, probably the only man in history inept enough to lose money owning a casino, takes to the Twitters on a regular basis, just to remind the world of what a truly horrible person he is.
His latest desperate bid for attention is an attempt to look on the bright side of the Ebola 'epidemic'. According to the possessor of America's foremost comb-over:
Something very important, and indeed society changing, may come out of the Ebola epidemic that will be a very good thing: NO SHAKING HANDS!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 4, 2014
It's hard to know what aspect of hand-shaking Trump finds most distressing; I suspect that it's because the fragile equilibrium of the hair-like confection atop Trump's head is susceptible to the slightest tremor. A handshake could lead to the dreaded
'Comb-Over Collapse' (the tonsorial equivalent of
dynamiting a building).
Or maybe Trump's just always exploring new avenues of asshole-ery.
Whatever the case, surely in a nation of over 300 million people there must be one person who actually likes and cares for the odious Trump. Perhaps a nation-wide search is in order; something like The Dating Game might work.
But when (and if) such an improbable person be found, they need to sit Donald and his comb-over down and:
A.) Explain what the word 'epidemic' actually means.
B.) Explain to Trump that wearing what looks like a dead chinchilla on his head makes him look like a novelty act on the rubber-chicken circuit, not a suave man-about-town.
C.) There is no law that requires Trump to come across as a clueless, spiteful asshole all the damn time. Really. There isn't. Look it up.
D.) If you absolutely, positively have to be an asshole all the damn time, there's no upside to broadcasting the fact on Twitter. Is there?
Then again, perhaps a guy who thinks that slapping his name in 'yooge' letters over absolutely everything in sight is 'classy' is not a man who can be taught.