And here's something to grease the skids! Carrots! A Bushel of Carrots!! Guaranteed!!!
Call it our October Surprise Bonanza!
Here you go! You vote us into the majority in both chambers and we will
Raise the minimum wage to $15 over three years!
Pass Equal Pay!
Pass Immigration Reform, with a path to citizenship!
Ensure student loans are available at the rate the Fed gives banks +.5%
Allow students to convert existing loans to that rate!
Forgive students loans for people 65 or older!
De-criminalize marijuana!
Lift the cap on Social Security, increase benefits 10% for those earning less than $40K!
Ban foreclosures on those who are less than three payments behind!
Commit $50B to provide modest but meaningful foreclosure reparations to those who were foreclosed for being less than 1.5 payments behind!
Buffet Rule!
.5% transaction tax, fund $280B jobs program, 50% Green Jobs, 20% Jobs for Young Adults (21-29), 10% Jobs for Seniors (55 and up!), 20% unrestricted!!!
Pass X, Y, Z improvements to ObamaCare.
Pass Voter Protection Reforms!
Block Corporate Inversions
Incent re-patriation of jobs
Penalize outsourcing of jobs
Eliminate Foreign Tax Shelters after 1-yr amnesty with 10% repatriation cost. Thereafter, 100% and jail time. Enforced.
Guarantee NET NEUTRALITY
Police de-militarization!
Intelligence/Surveillance reforms!
Forfeiture Law Reform!
See how easy this is?
Boost CDC Funding by $3B, a 50% increase.
Increased veteran's benefits, funding for vets services!
More protections for Planned Parenthood, women's reproductive rights!
Boost non-CDC NIH by $3B, a 10% increase.
Etc.
Seriously people.
On second thought, scrap that.
Here's a cattle prod and a paddle. Zap 'em and whack 'em. Some of 'em will make it to the polls. Hey, sorry, it's all we got. We're bought and paid for, can't give the people what they want.