From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Three Little Lessons:
In my mind she's slapping
a "Kick Me" sign on his back.
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Lesson #1: If you're a governor of a state---say, Republican Governor Tom Corbett of Pennsylvania---and the diversity of your supporters runs the gamut from old white men to old white women, don’t try to burnish your image by
photoshopping in a stock image of a black woman on your web site. You'll just get caught and be ridiculed. No one likes a pander bear.
Lesson #2 If you promote your public, for-profit business---let's randomly use "The Hitching Post" in Idaho for example---as one that happily performs "wedding ceremonies of other faiths as well as civil weddings" in addition to traditional Christian ones, and gay marriage gets passed in your state, don’t scrub your web site of the "civil" part in order to try and gin up a bullshit lawsuit claiming religious persecution. You'll just get caught, and it's a well-known fact that some judges have been known to laugh themselves to death throwing such lawsuits out of court. And you don’t want a dead judge on your hands…do you?
Lesson #3: When attempting to woo a state's voters into choosing your candidate, as RNC assistant viceroy Sharon Day did in Wisconsin, it's not a good idea to suggest they
"might not be as sharp as a knife." Punching (or stabbing) down tends to kill the romance. So here's your toothbrush and your copy of
Atlas Shrugged…now get out. It's over between us.
Saying Republicans are good leaders is like saying the NRA is a non-partisan gun-safety organization. Help defeat the bastards with a few bucks here and/or a few phone calls here.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Note: Leaf unemployment surges as millions are let go. Film at 11.
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2 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til 2015 Obamacare enrollment begins:
24
Days 'til the
Sarasota Pumpkin Festival:
2
Number of Fairpoint Communications workers who are
on strike here in Maine (out of 1,700 total in New England) because the company is bargaining with them like big jerks:
800
Minimum number of electric car models now being sold in the U.S.:
16
(Source:
The Week)
Number of iPhones sold last quarter, handily beating expectations:
39.3 million
Percent of companies surveyed by the National Association for Business Economics that gave employees raises in the third quarter, versus 43 percent who did in the second:
24%
Amount of the $1.4 million in her super PAC that Sarah Palin actually gave to Republican candidates for the midterm elections:
$45,000
(Source: Open Secrets via
The X)
World Series Game 1
San Francisco Giants 7 Kansas City Royals 1
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 182 (including 5 Global Turmoils and 1 angry god flinging ebola around like poo because Preznit hurted Israel's feefees). Soul Protection Factor 80,000 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Run for the border collies!
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CHEERS to ebola ebullience. With the family and friends of Thomas Eric Duncan having been cleared of the 21-day threshold, and nurse Nina Pham upgraded to good condition and freelance cameraman in Nebraska Ashoka Mukpo declared healthy, it looks like the ebola freakout in America is winding down. And that can mean only one thing: we need something new to get totally and irrationally freaked the fuck out about. Say hello to America's next nightmare:
President Obama has done nothing to prepare for an outbreak of
puppy-sized spiders, so we're on our own. First: everybody panic. Second, let's split up into groups of forty million and blame the usual federal agencies. And third: check all passengers on
all commercial aircraft to make sure none of them are puppy-sized spiders wearing a hat and glasses. Quickly!!!
CHEERS #32. Same-sex marriages began yesterday in Wyoming---the "Equality State"---so that means it's time to check the latest Wikipedia map:
As you can see, the remaining bigot states are in a precarious position. Ohio is being squeezed by the vise of Indiana and Pennsylvania. Oklahoma and New Mexico have Texas in a headlock. Idaho, Wyoming, Minnesota, Iowa and Canada have boxed Nebraska, Montana and the Dakotas into a hopeless corner. Kentucky is getting sat on by Illinois and Indiana's butts. North Carolina is sucking the brains out of South Carolina's head (admittedly, a lite meal). Great Lakes can no longer protect Michigan. And in Dixie, the southern belles are flinging themselves into the arms of the nearest southern colonel as the inevitable approaches. They needn't worry: we promise to be benevolent equals.
CHEERS to real leadership. Okay, now this was a real crisis: on October 22, 1962 President Kennedy informed the world that the Soviet Union was building secret missile bases in Cuba:
He ordered our military to quarantine Cuba until Soviet premier Khrushchev agreed to shut 'em down. Kennedy negotiated his way through the melee without establishing a color-coded terror alert system, telling us to go shopping, or invading a country that had nothing to do with the crisis at hand. And to think he called himself a leader…
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Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
This is a special edition of The One Word Answer Man. Democrat Mike Michaud, who looks likely to be Maine's next governor, asks:
No.
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
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WHEEE! to the annual rite of fall. Yes, boys and girls, it's time once again to check in with our good drug enforcement buddies to give us the same news we've been hearing every year for 13 straight years. Take it away…
"Poppies...Poppies..."
Afghanistan just produced a record poppy crop despite massive $7.6 billion in U.S. counternarcotics spending since the war there began, a new report from an independent watchdog found.
The value of opium poppy produced in Afghanistan spiked from $2 billion to $3 billion from 2012 to 2013, according to a brief released Tuesday from the Special Inspector General for Afghanistan Reconstruction.
Join us again next October for the another suspense-not-filled carbon-copy update. Same opium time. Same opium channel.
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Five years ago in C&J: October 22, 2009
JEERS to minority rules. Keith Olbermann Monday night:
Thanks a lot, Conrad, Baucus,
Nelson, Carper and Lincoln.
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The Democratic leadership of the U.S. Senate faces a dilemma tonight. The majority of America wants a public option---government-run health insurance to compete with for-profit insurance. The majority of the House of Representatives wants a public option; four out of five health care bills include a public option. Most of the Senate wants a public option. The president of the United States wants a public option. So, a real stumper for Senate Democrats: Should their health care bill include a public option?
For the answer just look to the latest ABC News/
Washington Post poll, which shows that Ma and Pa Q. Public
demand one. And every day that goes by without a firm commitment from Harry Reid's Senate is another day that the insurance companies must have stacked their bundles of bribe money just a little higher in the backrooms. Senator Tom Harkin told Ed Schultz last night that all this pussyfooting around is just "a dance," and "we will get a strong public option." Uh huh, well...I'll "believe it" when I "see it."
[10/22/14 Update: And that, kids, is how Tom Harkin turned me into an unbeliever. The End.]
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the world's greatest knucklehead. Moe and Larry had their pluses, but The Three Stooges weren't worth a poke in the eyes without Curly, aka Jerome Howard. Enjoy…
Happy 111th birthday, Curly, wherever you are. N'yuck N'yuk.
Have a nice Wednesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
A scientist exploring a rainforest in Guyana was just looking for katydids when he stumbled upon a truly terrifying creature. Piotr Naskrecki pointed his flashlight in the direction of a rustling noise while walking at night in the forest, expecting to see a possum or a rat. Instead he found Bill in Portland Maine.
---Syracuse.com
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