Now that politicians and pundits are using Ebola to score political points, it seems only natural for Ebola Buddy to be a vice presidential candidate, or at very least a trusted political consultant. (Never mind that thousands are dying in West Africa and you should donate to Doctors Without Borders right now.)
Suddenly, everyone on the right is an infectious disease expert and thinks they know better than those CDC scientists who work for the gubermint’. Ebola is why big government is bad, why Obamacare will never work, why cattle should graze for free and why taxes on the rich should be cut, right? The tinfoil hat, anti-government crowd in Congress (who apparently overlook the fact they receive a government paycheck) is in full swing.
And let’s not forget Rand Paul, that wise level-headed Republican, is calming everyone’s fears by saying that Ebola is more easily-spread than AIDS and, oh yes, we mustn’t forget the Spanish Flu and Bubonic Plague which killed bazillions of people. Remember, Rand Paul is the guy who apparently belongs to an organization that opposes Social Security and Medicare— the same organization that also doesn’t think HIV causes AIDS. (This is the same Rand Paul who certified himself as a “board certified” ophthalmologist.)
[cute, cartoony virus character]
Sure, I’m the virus with a seventy-percent mortality rate who makes you bleed from your eyes, but I’m so much more!
I’m Ebola Buddy!
Let me fulfill your wildest conspiracy and campaign dreams!
We’ll seal the borders, like we’ve been talking about for years!
Forget anchor babies . . . with me you might get infected ISIS militants launching attacks on the Homeland!
Just ask Ebola Terrorism expert, Mike Huckabee!
And if you’re trying to capture the Senate or thinking about running for President, bring me to your next infected cocktail party— where I’ll show everyone the flaws of Socialized medicine and the evils of the Federal Reserve and the Bilderberg Conspiracy!
I can do so much more than just kill poor villagers in Liberia!
If stoking fears of a one-world government is your thing, I’m your Buddy!
If treasonous trips to liberal guilt boost your ratings, I’m the virus for you!
And if you’re a self-certifying doctor of sorts thinking about the White House, I’m the running mate for you!
Think of me as Fast-and-Furious meets Benghazi meets a bleed-from-the-eyes IRS scandal!
Ebola Buddy— I’m just what the Right-wing doctor ordered! [cough— cough]