I woke up this morning to find Darrell Issa knocking on my door with a gun in his hand. "Here's your mandatory gun," he said. "We just need to do a house check first, because BENGHAZI!"
"What's happening there?" I said, as a group of group of construction workers converged on my street.
"The street's been privatized, so they're making it a toll road," he said. Down the street, I could see my neighbor getting arrested for Blacking While Black. Issa added, "By the way, your workplace has also been privatized."
"I work for Child Protective Services," I said.
"Right. From now on, kids only get protection if they can pay for it. But isn't it great about the tax cut?"
"My taxes are being cut?" I asked.
"No, they're only cutting it for persons. You know, corporations," he said. "You'll still have to pay. How else can we afford to fight ebola by invading Africa?"
"You know Africa's not a country, right?" I said. When he just gave me a blank look, I added, "So what do you need to check my house for?"
"Birth control, of course. Because BENGHAZI!"
I started to explain that's not really an issue since I'm in a same-sex marriage, but then I came to my senses and shut up. After he'd searched the house, he handed me the gun, but accidentally shot my toes off.
"At least I still have health insurance," I gasped.
He said, "About that..."
But first, a word from our sponsor!
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Please come in. You're invited to make yourself at home! Join us beneath the orange BENGHAZI!...
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So what I'm saying is, I'm OD'd on election misery. I hereby declare this an open thread to discuss:
-Pet pictures
-Music videos
-"How I met my spouse" stories
-Drink recipes
-Anything but BENGHAZI!
On to Top Comments!
From greenbird:
If you HAVEN'T seen this, you WILL thank me.
kos has been rewarded.
American Taliban is sprouting, and Christian Nation will soon follow.
regards, greenbird
From
blugrlnrdst:
Tmservo's astute inside perspective on election night, found in this diary. (Note from Tara: also check out blugrlnrdst's reply.)
From
expatjourno:
Channeling Harry Truman, who said voters will choose the real Republican over the pretend Republican every time, New Minas points out that Democrats have to BE different, not just pretend to be, if they want to win.
From
Ender:
I thought that it was a good summary of contradictory voting results for the night.
(Comment is from yg17 in Midterms Liveblog #15: We have a lot of work to do.)
From
your humble (if more antisocial than usual) diarist:
I bit the bullet and checked out Hunter's invitation to Met your new craziest Republicans. I was rewarded with a perfect description by edbb, and my next t-shirt from NonnyO.
This last one's cheating, because it didn't appear on dkos, but props to
John Cole of Balloon Juice for summing up yesterday for me:
I feel like I spent the night trapped in an elevator listening to Sarah Palin.
Top mojo, courtesy of mik:
1) It can get confusing. To be fair, though by OllieGarkey — 149
2) ... by BOHICA — 143
3) I still can't stand him either by Kalidurga — 124
4) That's just your opinion... by ExpatGirl — 115
5) Well by jfern — 109
6) From last night in Milwaukee... by noise of rain — 108
7) I think it's malicious... by leftykook — 104
8) It boggles the mind just how ignorant by ExpatGirl — 103
9) Thanks for the Update! by Blazehawkins — 100
10) CNBC AKA FOX News....... by snapples — 89
11) Kynect and Minimum Wage by jalapeno — 86
12) I cast my vote for Alison this morning at 7:15.... by djMikulec — 86
13) Democrats lost bc they didn't run as Democrats by slinkerwink — 85
14) When you run like cowards, you lose by Pi Li — 85
15) I kinda hope that... by Trix — 81
16) Oh my god... by Bob Johnson — 81
17) Most Excellent! by snapples — 81
18) This is awesome.... by Diogenes2008 — 77
19) confusing? by BPARTR — 76
20) Other than firing Snotty Scotty Walker, yes to by notevenclosetoonepercent — 75
21) God Damn you SCOTUS by Blazehawkins — 73
22) My wife is still a resident alien by xxdr zombiexx — 72
23) I voted by LaFeminista — 72
24) Watch like a hawk by TarheelDem — 71
25) Early voted in WI last week. C'mon Mary!! by OldJackPine — 70
26) I'm not so sure about that. by Mopshell — 70
27) Also, bring a positive message. by tgrshark13 — 70
28) there are real issues, and there are pundit issues by Karl Rover — 69
29) Maybe that's a prophet, not just a man. by jqjacobs — 68
30) Emergency Plea. Please Do Not Ignore! :-) by JekyllnHyde — 66
31) I once listened by looty — 66
32) i'm in college, no one voted by willisnewton — 66
Photo quilt, courtesy of jotter: