I know, I know...
"Gawd-damned atheists have to ruin EVERYTHING by attacking our religion on our Xian holidays!"
But please, just give me a chance to explain:
This isn't an attack or an atheist screed about Xians or their holy-days. In spite of my current and subject to change ("I am 100% certain that I could be wrong, but I believe I am correct") conviction that religion/magical thinking/superstition/worship is, in the very long term, a net loss for the human race. Even taking in to account all the good worship of deities produces, I am convinced we must leave this past behind and become a new and better primate if our species intends to survive.
Enough of that: I have no need to proselytize or convert anyone to my way of thinking. Think of this as my expression of my thankfulness (YES, atheists can be genuinely thankful!) and how atheists can participate fully in the celebration of a core human condition, thankfulness.
Join me below for a bit of personal history and my "prayer" of Thanks and Giving:
As the son of a Southern Baptist minister, I was raised in the deep south in the 50's and 60's, steeped (drowned?) in Xian tradition and rituals: Do it or face shame, ridicule or an ass whoopin'. Nevertheless, by the time I reached adolescence, I had serious doubts and many, many questions (I was kicked out of Sunday School for asking too many questions: My youth pastor told me not to ask to many questions "It's just a test of your faith. Believe with all your heart and the doubt will disappear")
By 16, I wasn't sure what I was but one thing was abundantly clear: I was NOT a Xian. I was very interested in Eastern religions and consuming mass quantities of psychedelic substances (The first time I dropped acid, my overwhelming experience was "So THIS is what they [religion] are all on about!!!" - It was the closest thing to a "religious" experience I had ever had) I even had a 45 (a single, in music business parlance) I recorded that got a fair amount of notice and local airplay called "My God is So Much Stronger" (that god was LSD) that went something like this:
There's people that would deign to tell me that I'm doomed to hell
Because I don't believe upon their god of rock, so real
I don't believe I have to live within these earthly bounds
My god is so much stronger than anything else I've found
I don't believe in the father
The son or the holy ghost
I really don't care if heaven exists
That's not what matters the most
It's feeling I experience while living out each day
Making the most of this life, before it slips away
I don't believe I have to live within these earthly bounds
My god is so much stronger than anything else I've found
I proudly brought my record home and the family gathered to listen: By the end of the 2:30, everyone was crestfallen. My dad got up without a word, walked out of the room and didn't speak to me directly for over 6 months ("Tell Steve..." is as far as he would go)
It went over like a Led Zeppelin with the 'rents and 'sibs but I was out to everyone that I was NOT a xian
Flash forward 30 years...
It's Thanksgiving Day, 2002 and I have been invited to to my sister's home to have dinner with her, her husband and their 7 year old daughter
While they are not RWNJ religious, they do attend church and have xian beliefs, values and traditions. One of their daily traditions was the use of a "prayer rock" that sits on the table and gets placed on the plate of whoever has been chosen to say the prayer. In her youthful exuberance, Daughter decided "I want weird uncle Steve say the prayer!" as she placed the rock on my plate...
A little ground work: I never bow my head or close my eyes during prayers, nor do I pray. I do nothing to disrupt or distract and feel no need to explain why I am doing it or what it means. I sit very still, smile, head up and eyes open, and look around at the people I am with. It is what I do. I started this practice before I turned 18, while still living at home and it was a bone of contention for my family through my teens and twenties with loud voices and punishments and many ruined dinners: Memory runs deep...
With this simple, joyful and enthusiastic request, the mood immediately became icy and uncomfortable and everyone stiffened: Even daughter sensed something was amiss and whispered to mom "Is that OK?"
"Of course it's OK, sweetheart" I said quickly, before anyone else had to make excuses on my behalf. All eyes are on me and what comes out of my mouth next could very well determine my future relationship with my niece as well as her 'rents (All my relatives have, in principle, forbidden me to talk with their kids about my atheist and political beliefs as they run counter to the ones they wish to encourage)
One more foundational event: On two different occasions, my niece caught me during other family prayers with my head up and eyes open, and with a disapproving look and an exaggerated blink and brisk downward nod of the head, indicated I should close my eyes and bow my head: I didn't
"I'd love to and what an honor"
The tension is palpable and viscous. My sister's eyes tell all: "Please don't make a scene: Please don't say anything objectionable; Please, please, PLEASE..."
"And since it is thanksgiving, I want to do my favorite holiday tradition, if that's OK?"
Tentative nods as the mood lightens a bit...
"I always do what is called an 'eyes-open prayer' that works especially well at Thanksgiving. Look at all this food! How lucky we are"
Shoulders relax, audible sighs of relief are heard and a smile begins to creep across each of their faces...
"Let's take this moment to look around us, at this glorious life we have, and the beautiful humans we share it with. My tradition says we all take a moment to thank each other for sharing our lives, our bounty, our understanding and our love."
Tears begin to fall...
"So let's look around this table and tell each other what we are thankful for: I am so thankful to just be alive, to have this experience and be able to share our brief time on the planet with you, and you, and you..."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Doodaloo, doodaloo, doodaloo: 10 years later...
I saw my sister and her family for the first time since that dinner at my mom's funeral. I assumed the family dinner after the viewing would have the obligatory and perfunctory blessing and a prayer. Much to my surprise, once seated, dad stood and said a few words about mom and then said, "Let's take this moment to have an eyes-open prayer and tell each other all the wonderful things we loved about her." Niece and sis gave me a smile and a nod and no prayer passed their lips...
Turns out, that one dinner had such an effect on my sister's family (especially her daughter) that they made a tradition of "eyes-open prayer" at all holidays and special events and that had carried over to the family as a whole
Of course, they still pray, fervently at times I am sure. But this tradition is a nod in my direction, and for that, I am genuinely thankful