First off, I want to say thanks to everybody who replied to me yesterday with so much compassion and good suggestions. Your words are all engraved on my heart.
As I said yesterday, I just couldn't go through with it. I went over to see my aged Mom and Dad today, as I do every day to help out, and my Mom had a little chat with me. She's the one I take care of. She's practically bedridden and so infirm she needs help bathing and dressing. But her mind is still sharp. When my Dad went off to do some grocery shopping, she said "I understand why you couldn't do it, but Rose honey, you do know that it'll happen sometime, don't you?"
I said yeah, I know that. And I do. If Rose died on her own, or she was very ill and suffering, it would be relatively easy to put her down. But she's not suffering, she's relatively healthy despite being old and arthritic, and she trusts me. I just couldn't welcome a compassionate vet in, no matter how compassionate, and here's Rose all comfy in her chair and greeting said executioner (let's face it, that's what they are) with a smile and purr and then getting pumped full of lethal chemicals. Not for this. It's like offing your child because they wet the bed.
Sorry if that sounds harsh. It's a harsh subject. I asked the lady at the compassionate euthanasia place how she handled her job, dealing with so much tragedy all the time, she laughed a little, and said "you have no idea - and I'm a NURSE (human type) so I get a double dose of it". Those people are saints, willing to do the hard jobs.
My Dad makes jokes about Rosie getting a reprieve from the Governor, but he doesn't fool me. I know he's relieved I didn't go through with it. But I still have the same problem. Should I lock Rosie in the bathroom all the time, where there's no rug? Or move the catbox out to the kitchen and block off the rest of the house? I don't know. And like I said, she has nightmares at night and wants to sleep with me. And when I'm asleep, I can't stop her from going off and doing whatever.
Getting old is hell on all of us. But it beats the alternative, I guess.
Love (and scritchies from Lovely Rosebuddear - who lives to pee another day haha)