Now that the secret back room dealings are done and the latest budget bill passed Congress (of course, at the 11th hour), we can see the thumbprints of Wall Street once again. Actually, more than thumbprints, Citigroup actually wrote part of it. They managed to gut “Section 716” of Dodd-Frank. Sounds obscure and weird so who cares, right?
Um, it actually reinvigorates the $700 trillion (yes, trillion) derivatives market that helped drive the economy over the cliff on the way to the Great Recession. Thanks to this bill, now taxpayers will once more be on the hook for the risky financial bets made by the likes of Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan Chase, Citigroup and their pals. How did this all happen? Perhaps the over $1.2 billion in lobbying by the deep-pocketed Too Big To Fail crew had something to do with it.
In case you forgot how some of these silly financial instruments of doom work, here’s a cartoon that explains the way these guys create financial magic out of thin air. Thanks to hefty lobbying and campaign contributions, Citigroup and crew brought back these financial time bombs— and pulled it off by attaching language to a “must-pass” budget bill that threatened to shut down the government. Ain’t Cashocracy grand? You can dive deeper into the stories behind the cartoon here.
[upbeat, pleasant female ad-pitch voice]
It’s here. That Democracy we’ve been waiting to get our hands on.
Introducing the new CitiBill— the bill by bankers, for bankers.
Sure, it’s a regular last-minute budget bill that just barely keeps the government from shutting down—
But it’s also your ticket to financial freedom.
Here at Citigroup, we know financial reform is about as appealing as testifying before Congress on subprime mortgages,
That’s why CitiBill dismantles reform bit by Socialist bit.
Once again, you’ll be able to revel in the most complex derivative schemes your creative mind can dream up . . . all with the security of knowing American taxpayers have got your back in the highly unlikely event you fail!
After all, two-thousand-eight was over one-hundred years ago!
There’s a reason banks like us just spent more than one-point-two billion to lobby and develop CitiBill—
We control over ninety percent of the seven-hundred trillion dollar derivatives market!
So let your imagination run wild . . . credit default swaps, frog-backed securities, Unicorn Dander Derivatives, the choice is yours!
Wherever your feverish financial mind takes you, with the new CitiBill, you’ve got a Democracy by bankers, for bankers!
(Past performance is a pretty good guarantee of future results.)