Before you break your foot off in that ass, remember, you only have so many feet.
Good night. It is Dec. 30, 2014. Affirmation: "In 2015 I will not star in a viral video in which I am eaten alive by steroidal ferrets."
glares at Time
Let go of my wrist, bro. And stop directing me where to go.
You guys are fuckin weird. It's tough being the only normal one around all the time but I manage.
When in doubt, I ask WWPD: What Would Pizza Do? The answer is always "Be delicious"
Walmart didn't appreciate me dressing like Jesus and riding around in a motorized car singing Happy Birthday to Me.
Eisenhower used to wrestle dogs in the nude. You won't see THAT in your "history books," mainly because it isn't true.
What the fuck are pinky toes trying to do?