Two days in a row last week I woke up on the proverbial wrong side of the bed. It wasn’t obvious, outwardly I didn’t feel angry or anything like that. I just felt like something was off, out of kilter or not quite right. By late afternoon on the second day, I started to have flashes of something just below my conscious awareness.
Every once in a while an opening would take place and I would become aware of a very subtle undercurrent of self talk which was so sarcastic, mean and nasty it was horrifying; sometimes it actually took my breath away. Naturally I tried to shut it up. It was terrifying to think that mean and embarrassing commentary on life could be arising in me. Isn’t that what we always do? Finally I got the courage to stop resisting and surrender. There was within me a sarcastic response to everything that was happening. Even something as innocuous as someone telling me to have a nice day, the nasty little voice within would snidely reply, “I’ll decide.” After a while of letting it run without resistance it actually became quite funny, and then I recognized it: “Oh my God,” I thought, “I’m Walter!”
Good evening and welcome to Monday Group Meditation. We will be sitting from 7:30 to 10:00 PM EST. It is not necessary to sit for the entire extended time, which is set up to make it convenient for people in four North American Time Zones; sit for as long as you like and when it is most convenient for you. Monday Group Meditation is open to everyone, believers and non-believers, who are interested in gathering in silence. If you are new to meditation and would like to try it for yourself, Mindful Nature gave a good description of one way to meditate in an earlier diary, copied and pasted below:
"It is a matter of focusing attention mostly. In many traditions, the idea is to sit and focus on the rising and falling of the breath. Not controlling it, but sitting in a relaxed fashion and merely observing experiences of breathing, sounds, etc. Be aware of your thoughts, but don't engage in them. When your mind wanders (it will, often), then return to focus on breath and repeat."
|
Probably everyone knows at least one person like Walter, they are everywhere. But I suspect we each have a little bit of Walter mumbling just below our conscious awareness as well. However, it isn’t so easy for us to recognize the Walter in ourselves. We seem to be heavily invested in our self images as nice, good, or even decent people, it’s very difficult to allow such an unpleasant part of ourselves to become apparent. Speaking from my recent experience, it is shocking and more than a little frightening to uncover such a deep reservoir of offensiveness within one’s self.
It isn’t because I’m longing for company in my own unpleasantness that I suspect we all harbor a little bit of Walter, it is simply a matter of observing how angry we seem to be culturally. Humans have the ability to share one another’s experience through empathic resonance. This isn’t Woo Woo. The following quote is from an article about the use of empathic resonance by psychologists as a therapeutic intervention in Undivided Journal.
In physics, resonance is a sympathetic vibration between two elements, such as the prolongation of a sound, bell or musical tone that allows them to energetically entrain, synchronize and act in a sudden new harmony. Similarly, research results in cognitive neuro science and cognitive psychology over the last three decades point to the importance of mirror neurons that fire both when an animal acts and when the animal observes the very same action being performed by another animal. In other words, the neuron tends to ‘mirror’ the behavior enacted or observed of the other animal, seemingly as though the observer were doing the action.
Borrowing from physicists, neuroscientists speak of states of reverberating empathic resonance to describe this basic mechanism that allows us to vicariously learn what another animal is experiencing…(snip) Resonance is seen as a direct experience of temporarily entering into the perceptual / feeling / thinking / relational world of another in which the other is experienced as one’s own self—the you in me.
The article uses resonance between tuning forks to demonstrate, but sympathetic vibrational resonance happens between strings on musical instruments too. And this is how I try to make sense of the rise of so much anger in our culture. Let’s give credit to Fox News for constantly picking at the anger string in this guitar analogy. Fox isn’t the only “picker” but let’s give them credit for their brilliance and sheer impact on our culture. They have enabled the anger “string” in a significant portion of society, so much so that there isn’t even a real need for a similar stimuli on the liberal side. Some people might suggest MSNBC as the Left's mouthpiece, but I don't think MSNBC can come close to Fox for 24/7 all outrage, all the time.
We can verify through our own experience how anger can move from person to person by what happens in us when we are faced with external Walter. When we are biting our tongues to keep from telling “Uncle Walter” off at a family function in order to keep peace, it is that subconscious “string” of anger existing within us vibrating in resonance with what we are experiencing externally.
Clearly the political Right does not have a corner on cultural anger, there is plenty of anger on the political Left. Recently at the suggestion from a friend, I really opened my eyes and looked at the offerings on the front page here at Dkos, and read into some of the comment sections. It made me wonder about the role we play here in perpetuating our own anger. It is a particularly thorny question when you consider that in contrast to Fox News, we provide so much of our own content here on this open blog. I suspect we might gain further insight regarding what we value as a community by paying attention for a period of time, to what we collectively promote to the Recommended List.
I understand that last paragraph comes perilously close to inviting angry responses, (I can almost see the angry comments suggesting this writer is full of sour grapes for not being on the rec list! :-D) and I really do remember DKos was created in order to give voice to the frustration on the political Left. But looking at things that make us uncomfortable, also called leaning on the point, is a necessary part of spiritual practice; I suspect we might make some interesting connections if we examined the impact of media exposure in our lives with open minds, no matter where we fall on the political spectrum.
With regard to the phenomena of cultural anger, It feels like the labels of Right and Left, or Conservative and Liberal, don’t even make a difference. Anger is endemic. Anger has been enabled and through empathic resonance it has grown in all of us. Many people feel empowered to act their anger out, while the rest of us simmer in resonance.
So what can we do? Clearly we can’t change anything about anyone else; but we can make room for some open exploration in our own lives. And perhaps we might even invite that subconscious “string” of Walter to come forward in ourselves. We can give him his head and let him blow off a little steam. And in doing so we just might find our hearts soften in acceptance. We might even find ourselves laughing just a little bit, lovingly and with kindness thinking, “Oh Walter…”
It becomes easier once one is past the initial shock of realizing that unpleasantness actually exists within one’s self. And perhaps, once we’ve resolved our conflict with the Walter that exists within us, we will then be prepared to face Walter externally with the same acceptance and humor, the same loving kindness we’ve offered ourselves.
If we think about it, anger is a lot like intestinal gas. Both are putrid and sully the immediate environment while they are present. We don’t get rid of a dog we love because it snuggles up to us and then farts. We make faces and laugh, but we don’t stop loving the dog. If we can learn to accept and love Walter the same way we cherish a lovable but gassy mutt, we can change the world.