From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
The Week Ahead
Monday President Obama welcomes the 2014 NBA champion San Antonio Spurs to the White House. The event will serve as a dress rehearsal for next year's welcome of the 2015 NFL champion New England Patriots, don’t deny it you know it's true.
After astronomers reveal that the earth will get an extra "leap second" this year, fighting breaks out between House and Senate Republicans over whether they should spend it repealing Obamacare or Dodd-Frank.
Here's a handy
2015 calendar
you can clip and
paste on your wall,
at home or work,
courtesy of C&J!
Tuesday To help ease withdrawal symptoms among fans who can no longer get their weekly dose of truth, intelligence and well-reasoned opinion from his PBS TV show, Bill Moyers hosts a live chat today at 2pm. Fans of The Colbert Report, meanwhile, continue treating their withdrawal symptoms by chewing truthiness gum by the case.
Wednesday A week after the murder of two-thousand innocent Nigerians by Boko Haram, over a million people turn out for a historic protest march. In my imagination, anyway.
The Republican-led House passes the 2015 We're Totally Not Taking Candy From Babies Act. Its primary goal: to take candy from babies.
Thursday President Obama travels to Baltimore to attend a Senate Democratic Caucus retreat. First order of business: agreeing to rename future retreats something other than a retreat.
Earnings reports are issued from Bank of America and Citigroup. As usual, both banks are tied at #1 in earning their customers' contempt.
Friday NOAA releases its annual Global Climate Monitoring Report. Conclusion: things are NOBETTER.
Having exhausted all other subjects, Ken Burns announces he's working on a new 12-part PBS documentary series called Ken Burns' Ken Burns.
Bring your saddle pillow. It's gonna be a bumpy ride. Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, January 12, 2015
Note: Today is National Pharmacist Day. They'll celebrate the usual way, by inviting customers to pick a goodie from the giant bowl full of of pills they found on the floor over the last year. (Note: if you choose the one shaped like a dodecahedron, allow yourself three days to come down.)
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16 Days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the debut of Larry Wilmore's new 11:30 Comedy Central show
The Nightly Show:
7
Days 'til the 37th annual
Steampunk Snowdown in Durango, Colorado:
16
Length of the 100-pound robotic bluefin spy tuna that can be used to protect U.S. ports and monitor enemy port activity:
5 feet
(Source:
The Week)
Number of open-air popemobiles that will be flown to Asia for use during Francis' visit there this week:
5
Percent chance that Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield suffers from acrophobia:
100%
(Source:
The U.K. Observer)
Amount the last hot dog and bun sold at a Montreal Expos game (before they moved to D.C.) fetched on Ebay:
$2,604
(Source:
Ripley's Believe It or Not)
Totally Random Weekend NFL Post-season Scores:
New England Patriots 35 Baltimore Ravens 31
Green Bay Packers 26 Christie's Dallas Boy Toys 21
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Mitch McConnell takes his dog to the park
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CHEERS to pushing back. Yesterday several world leaders (Eric Holder represented the U.S.) attended a
massive march in Paris. It was a stunning show of unity and peaceful middle-finger-extension to the terrorists who murdered seventeen people last week, including 12 staffers at the Charlie Hebdo newspaper. To give you an idea of how large it was, this morning the line to the lost and found booth is six blocks long.
CHEERS to preparing for the fun in Phoenix. It's a little weird promoting an event that Kos is boycotting, but there are a lot of Kossacks who are going to the Netroots Nation conference in July, so I plan to at least keep you informed on the latest news here in C&J below the fold. Having said that, NN15 is now soliciting ideas for panels, speakers, training sessions and film screenings. More from Raven Brooks:
Now accepting panel submissions.
Each year, we ask for your help in developing and organizing the sessions you’ll attend at Netroots Nation. Your submissions help us create an inclusive agenda for our conference each year while also helping shape the national dialog for progressives in the coming months.
Our goal is to highlight the work you are doing around the country, from national campaigns to issue organizing in your home state, as well as to shine a light on things happening in our host state of Arizona.
Can’t decide what you might want to talk about? Think about what issues are most important to you and your community. From immigration reform to economic issues to social justice issues, we want to know so we can build the agenda for Netroots Nation 2015 around what's most important to you.
For more info,
click here for the guidelines and submission form. The deadline for entries is February 18th. Please note that the panel titled, "It's Phoenix in July: Let's Go Outside and Burn Holes in Stuff With A Giant Magnifying Glass" has already been rejected. But I plan to appeal.
CHEERS to knocking Jeb off his stride. So Bush thinks he can just waltz his way to the GOP nomination? Not so fast---now Willard Mitt Romney says he may re-re-run for president in 2016. The media now agrees that, due to the crush of people involved, they're going to require an overflow room at all the debates. Not for them, for the candidates.
Nice swoop-dee-doo.
CHEERS to the master of humungo signatures. John Hancock turns 278 today. His is the largest signature on the Declaration of Independence, apparently because he really wanted to rub it in King George's nose. Pay
your respects here. But please don’t ask him for his John Hancock---he's really sick of hearing that one.
P.S. Rush Limbaugh turns 64 today. My sincere thanks to everyone who chipped in so we could buy him a new trough.
JEERS to the safety haters. Attorney generals from 26 states oughtta be demoted to private for filing a lawsuit challenging San Franciso's law requiring that gun owners there keep their firearms safely locked up. Their logic:
America: home of the Rambo Complex.
“Common sense dictates that in high stress, emergency situations, the ease and speed with which a person can utilize one of these mechanisms to unlock a safe drastically decreases,” the document reads. “It is common to fumble with keys while trying to hurriedly unlock a door, to forget a series of numbers when under pressure, or to struggle with hand-eye coordination when subjected to stressors.”
Exactly! Shitty hand-eye coordination with a gun is
always preferable to shitty hand-eye coordination with a key. Just as long everyone in your family sleeps in Kevlar jammies.
The winner in 1987.
CHEERS to keeping traditions alive. After sucking down several vats of corn whiskey, Republicans in Iowa voted
Whoooooo!!! to
keeping their beloved straw poll alive. So let me be the first to say: congratulations on your future win, craziest 2016 Republican candidate in the Iowa Straw Poll!
JEERS to that time the bizarro freak circus rolled into town. Twenty years ago today, the O.J. Simpson trial got pre-started with pre-trial hearings. My view of it has completely changed since 1995. Back then I was like, "He got zero years? I am so pissed!" But today I'm like, "He got zero years twenty years ago? I am so old!"
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 12, 2005
CHEERS to Howard Dean. He formally throws his stethoscope in the ring as candidate for chairman of the Democratic National Committee, vowing to rebuild the party from the ground up. Kudos for this bit of common sense: "The Democratic Party needs a vibrant, forward-thinking, long-term presence in every single state...We can only win when we show up." Just not Wednesday night, please. The West Wing's on.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the drunken yet talented victors. The Golden Globes were handed out last night, and---OMG!---they didn’t suck. The speeches were mostly watchable, they didn’t sanitize it by shying away from current events, and the opening monologue by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler was spot-on. Congrats to the winners, including:
Globe winner Jeffrey
Tambor in "Transparent."
Best Drama: Boyhood
Best Comedy or Musical: The Grand Budapest Hotel
Amy Adams for Big Eyes (her 2nd win in a row)
Julianne Moore for Still Alice
Michael Keaton for Birdman
Eddie Redmayne for The Theory of Everything
J.K. Simmons for Whiplash
Richard Linklater for directing Boyhood
Kevin Spacey for House of Cards
And the sentimental favorite of the evening, the great Jeffrey Tambor, who won the award for Best Actor in a TV series for
Transparent, and concluded his speech this way:
"I would like to dedicate my performance and this award to the transgender community. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your courage, thank you for your inspiration, thank you for your patience, and thank you for letting us be a part of the change."
Up next: the bloated, endless Oscars next month. I should probably start guzzling Red Bull now.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
You might think you're doing yourself a favor if you log off Cheers and Jeers when you head to an important meeting or dinner with the in-laws, but a new study suggests just the opposite is true. According to new research from the University of Missouri, being separated from C&J can lead to "physiological anxiety" and "poor cognitive performance."
---Huffington Post
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