long term pain medication use. My last diary described some of my trials from being a long term pain medication user. This will continue on that so might want toi take a quick look before going on.
I start my day in pain. This can be anywhere from 12:30 am to 4 am if I actually sleep in. I wake up to the wonderful feeling of my spine being crushed. That is the best way to describe it. My wonderful wife who keeps a more normal schedule than I do says that I often moan and groan in pain while asleep. So my day begins and ends in pain.
Living with daily pain is such a wonderful thing. ( Yeah that was sarcasm ! We really need a sarcasm font) Anyone who has been through this will tell you it is a unique hell with it's own rules. We get unsolicited advice from so many people as to what will cure us. Oh just do this or that or the other and your pain will go away. You get the reaction of "Oh it's just mind over matter. You don't need those pain meds." My advice to all those who feel the need to project their advice is this "Shut the Hell UP! " I have heard it all before. Spend 1 lousy day in my shoes and you will be begging for pain meds. Heck if you felt my "normal" pain level you would probably be crying in the ER begging the doctors to fix it now. So give up the advice. You want to help. I understand that but I don't need to hear of the next miracle cure or diet that will fix me.
Not everyone on pain meds is an addict. Not everyone on pain meds is a druggie trying to get high. In fact most of those on pain meds are regular people just like you. We have feelings and dreams and hopes. Our dreams usually run to dreaming of no pain or even a lot less pain. Our hopes run along the lines of hoping to be able to do normal stuff again. You know like tying my shoes. Putting on socks without help. Bending down to pick up something you dropped. On my good days I can sometimes do these things. On my bad days forget it.
Think about that for a moment. I mean really. How would you feel if suddenly you can't do the stuff you do everyday. Would you feel depressed ? Would you be cranky ? Welcome to our world. We are depressed. It is freaking normal. We are cranky. Not only do we have to put up with our pain but we have to put up with our limits. We will have our bad days so when we seem like a cranky cuss it isn't you. It isn't directed at you. It is most likely directed at ourselves. Sorry about that ahead of time.
Follow me on down below the orange snow doodle and learn more
Well you made it down here so you must want to hear some more. I touched on this in my last diary but it needs to be said again. Welcome to the town of suspicion. Now that you are on pain meds people will treat you differently. You get some people who want your drugs so they can get high. They beg, they threaten and they can try and steal them. They offer to buy them. Anything to get their greedy little hands on your medication. Anything to satisfy their need to get high. You hear incredible stories as to why they need them and how their doctors are so mean and wont write the script.
That is one group of people. Then you get those who judge you. These people are the worst. They look at you and see a drug addict. They lump you in with that group above who tried to get your drugs. They see a weak willed person who needs drugs to get through life. You get this in the unlikeliest places like at your doctor's office. The pharmacy and from friends and relatives. For some it is an unconscious bias. and for others it is overt. It doesn't matter that you have a legitimate need for the drugs. That you have a well documented medical condition that requires medication. You are an addict. You don't see this with people who need blood pressure medication or statins to lower cholesterol or hundreds of other drug types, only pain meds. Wake up people. We are the same people we were before we had to start taking pain medication. We hate living with pain. We would do anything to be free from it. We hate having to take drugs to have less pain.
That is another big lie. Pain medication does not remove pain. They lessen it. Yeah we take medication that doesn't get rid of it completely. We still have pain, just less of it so we can function a bit. We are not completely pain free and still have many limitations on what we can do. I would love to have no pain for a day but that is a pipe dream. About the only way to get that is to be doped up 24/7 on something like propafol, the drug Michael Jackson ODed on. I have got to admit. It is a wonderful drug. I have had it a few times when I get shots at the pain clinic. I get some fantastic sleep afterwards but even that doesn't last too long.
There are so many downsides to living with pain. It really does wear you down. Having pain 24/7 wipes you out. You expend a lot of energy just to get through the day. You can't make plans.You have to live day to day. Tomorrow I might be fine but then again I might be curled in a ball crying from the extra pain. Is it any wonder we are depressed a lot ? You miss out on a lot of things. You try and plan trips in small hops so you can keep the pain down. For me sitting on a plane is just about impossible. The small seats and lack of leg room cause me extreme pain.
Another fact most people overlook is that everyone's pain is different. What worked for your Aunt Sally may not work for me or anyone else. I am glad she is out of pain but I don't need to hear all the details of her treatment. Most likely you don't know all of it anyways. Even our close friends don't know everything we deal with. Guess what, we hide the gory details from you. We put a smile on and grimace our way through the day. We lie through our teeth when asked how we are and answer fine even when we are in bad shape. We even hide stuff from our spouses. Not because we want to get over on them but because they put up with enough.
Chronic pain affects more than just those who live with it. Our spouses and significant others deal with it too. They put up with our bad days. They shoulder additional responsibilities because we can no longer take them. They know how much we are suffering since they see it. They see our bad days when we cry and moan from the extreme pain. They quickly learn that going out is not on the menu any more. i find it almost impossible to sit for any time in restaurant seats. They hurt a lot. If we "go out to eat" We order and pick it up to go. Our spouses put up with a lot. Our limits are their limits as well. I love my wife and realize just how special she is. A lot of people would have left long ago.
Then we have the great side effects of pain drugs. A lot of people on them suffer through cycles of constipation and diarrhea. Then there is the itchy fun. Benedryl helps with that but really enhances the sleep aspect and so I can't take it unless I am ready for bed. I have to use a lot of anti itch cream. Let me tell you these itches are all over and not always in places you can scratch in public. Let's not forget the sleepiness as well. A lot of these pain meds cause you to be drowsy. The stronger they are the more they make you sleepy. So we get to fight that as well. There are others but I am lucky to not suffer from them. Many others do. Truth of it is that I can't see why anyone takes this stuff to get high.
Maybe this will help some people learn how to deal with someone in their life who has chronic pain. Maybe it will help you change your views about chronic pain and pain medications. Maybe it might wake someone up to reality.
Let me know what you think