Wow who could have guessed that sarcasm and humor won't pay the bills ? Apparently the utility companies need real money or they threaten to turn off the services. They don't care if you used the money to pay for your medication. They don't care if you used it to buy food so you can continue to stay alive and use even more of their services. They want their money and they want it NOW! They are not alone. Everyone wants a chunk of your check.
So how does a sarcastic human deal with all this ? They pay what they can and beg for time to catch up with the rest. We have a good system going on. We call the utility and beg for time. Most of the time we get what we need as far as time but it costs us money in the form of late fees. Sometimes it is 6 or 8 bucks sometimes it is over twenty. All depends on who you owe.
Jump on down below the orange snow doodle for even more fun
I owe, I ow so off to work I go. I know it's an oldie but a goody. Speaking of work, which most of us have to do to pay the bills, it sucks. Don't get me wrong I like my job. It challenges me daily. It could pay more but hey we all want that. What I hate about work is it hurts. No not figuratively but literally. See I sit at a desk and use a computer for 8 or more hours a day. Sitting hurts, standing hurts, walking hurts.
So much pain and so little gain. Whoever came up with the saying "No Pain No Gain" should be shot. If I could measure gain by pain I would be gained out. I should have max gain. Nope not the case. I got the pain but some ironic idiot forgot the gain in the equation. Look at it this way. The pain starts out at about a 4 or 5 in the morning when I wake up from rolling over or twisting the wrong way. This sends a nice little jolt of pain through my spine. So how many of you have back pain ? Let's see the hands. Oops sorry forgot this isn't live it is memorex. According to one source who has never done his homework, "everyone over forty has a bad back." That's a quote from Senator Puddinhead Rand Paul.
Well he did kind of get it right. A lot of people have back pain. for some it is once in a while for others it is all the time. I'm in the all the time category. My spine is quickly becoming a real POS that belongs on the scrap heap. In another diary I told how I long for a monkey spine and I even know just what to do with the tail. Oh yeah I have dreamed of getting a new spine from a monkey and believe me that tail would be one awesome aspect of it. I could get into so much trouble with that tail. Just think of the possibilities. Okay back to earth and reality. Dang I hate that. It's much more fun in La La Land with my monkey tail. I seem to have lost my thread since Monkey tail time. So let's see oh yeah. I hurt daily. I wake up in pain and I go to bed in pain. In between I spend some time in sarcasm land just so I don't go off and start screaming unintelligible nonsense at passers by. I make fun of my spine. I make fun of my pain. Heck my wife thinks I don't take anything seriously at times.
Think about it for a minute. How the heck else is there to deal with a sentence of pain for the rest of my life. Should I curl into a ball and cry ? Oh how bout I just accept it after all it can't be changed. Nope screw that. Time to open a can of sarcasm and humor. I'm not going to have a side of cheese with my whine ! Show me that little violin and I will show you El Kabong ! Go ahead and Google it. It is an older cartoon about a horse that plays the guitar. I bet I am the very first person on DK to use El Kabong as a tag. You know I have been trying to find the Acme company in the phone book. I want some rocket skates. I bet they have something to help with my back pain. Or maybe something that will cause me more pain most likely. Sometimes I feel like I was the stunt double for Wiley E. Coyote. That sure would explain how my back got so screwed up. Maybe i could file a lawsuit against Acme for all those screwy inventions that just didn't work out the way they should have.
I tell you Acme could never get away with all those things now a days . They would be put out of business in about 5 minutes. Just one concerned parent seeing those rocket skates would be all that was needed. The whole Acme catalog would be exhibit 1 for the prosecution. See what happens when I spend time in Monkey Spine land. My mind just gets a bit screwy. I have to admit I get down about it sometimes. You tell me you could deal with a life sentence of pain and not get a bit depressed. Heck the results of my last CT scan put my into a funk for almost 2 months.
So yeah I am a bit nuts. I hate being depressed. It's not my normal state of being. Most days I am upbeat. But all of that doesn't do anything to pay the bills. We still need cold hard cash for that. I'm not a famous comic with my own newspaper column like Dave Berry used to. Instead I entertain my coworkers with my insanity. I entertain my furry kids. Though I think they only listen because I bribe them with treats. I entertain and antagonize my long suffering wife. Well she knew I was nuts when I married her. Even before my back decided to become a stunt double for Wiley E Coyote I was nuts.
I probably get it from my grandfather. He was the owner and publisher of a small town weekly newspaper called the Harbor Beach Times, in the little town of Harbor Beach Michigan. Every week he had a column called Ripples that chronicled some part of his life, life in town or the best was when he would mention one of us grand kids. He was a pretty funny guy. He could tell you a story of a guy who lost his leg in a farming accident and have you rolling with laughter. Wherever it comes from I don't mind. It makes life fun at times. Just wish I could use it to pay the bills. Sure would make life a bit easier.
We all have trials that make life suck at times. The experience can change you for good or bad. Sometimes it seems like the crappy experiences keep piling up until we are at the bottom of an outhouse full of crap. Makes it real hard to see any good side of anything. Life will go on no matter how you react to it. You can let it suck you down to the bottom of the crap pile or you can invite everyone to jump in and call it a party.
With all of that I hope I gave you a bit of a laugh. I am heading back into Monkey spine land so I can play with my tail. Feel free to drop in and join the crap party. Don't worry you get used to the smell pretty quick and everyone here already smells pretty bad. Last one in has to shovel it ! Oh wait maybe we can get some politicians to do that since they are so good at it !