From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Alabelieve It When I See It
Last week the conservative Bible-thumpers in Alabama informed their gazillion followers that God was commanding them to either attend a Saturday anti-gay-marriage rally in Montgomery or be punished with an afterlife at the Hellfire Hotel. As you can see---via the Joe.My.God. blog---a sea of morality mobbed the steps of the state house (trust me, it'll look like a sea once the organizers get done Photoshopping it):
I don’t know if that'll be enough to prevent marriage equality from dropping into the heart of Dixie like a ton 'o gay grits, but unless the Supreme Court slams on the brakes this morning,
marriage licenses will be available starting today to same-sex couples in Alabama. Take a moment to let that sink in. Enjoy the head trip. See those smells and hear those colors. You may actually levitate.
So, get ready for the usual reaction: front-page, above-the-fold stories of love and celebration, fake wailing and weeping from the fundies, a flurry of donation-seeking emails from both sides, perhaps a few more raised eyebrows ("Alabama? Seriously?") than usual, and a whole lot of shrugs. And if we're lucky, we might catch a public explosion by state Chief Justice Roy Moore on camera. (He seems to have lit his fuse already.) Oh, the gif possibilities.
UPDATE: The Supremes have weighed in and Roy Moore and the haters are shit out of luck.
Now I'm off to shovel snow. It is, after all, a day in Maine ending in y. Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, February 9, 2015
Note: Please sign here...[Scribble Scribble]...and here... [Scribble Scribble]...and initial here... [Scribble Scribble]. Congratulations, you now own Radio Shack.
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7 days 'til woof.
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Valentine's Day:
5
Days 'til the
Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show:
7
Current level of consumer debt in the U.S.:
$3.3 trillion
(Source: Federal Reserve)
Number of times the Boehner House has repealed Obamacare:
56
Months since fixed mortgage rates have been as low as they are now:
20
(Source: Labor Dept.)
Number of IRS employees fired for "conduct or performance problems" that have been rehired:
824
(Source: Treasury inspector general for tax administration)
Number of border patrol agent positions that were targeted for elimination in George W. Bush's 2006 budget:
9,790
(Source: a fun stat I found in an old C&J)
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Gee, I never knew how much Maine hates dogs…
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CHEERS and JEERS to the week ahead. A sneak peek from the C&J Department of Tempus Fugit:
And as always, not enough of this.
Today German chancellor Angela Merkel joins President Obama at the White House for workshops, lunch, and to get fitted for a new NSA brooch microphone.
Tuesday Right-wing war lovers have a cow when they hear the news that American Sniper was vanquished at the box office by SpongeBob SquarePants.
Wednesday a half moon appears in the sky. World Net Daily accuses Barack HUSSEIN Obama of giving the other half to Satan in exchange for immortality.
Thursday Lincoln's birthday. He gets a 206% discount at Denny's.
Friday President Obama travels to Stanford to announce his plans for dealing with cybersecurity. Republicans immediately denounce his plan and offer their own plan: cybervouchers.
And Saturday is Valentine's Day. The National Flying Projectile Association reminds you that the only way to stop a bad Cupid with an arrow is a good Cupid with an arrow.
Starts in 157 days.
CHEERS to ideas that will change the world. Just a quick reminder that there's a big Netroots Nation deadline coming up. If you have an idea for a panel or workshop that you want to propose and coordinate for this year's convention (July 16-19---Phoenix), just
click here for the guidelines and submission form. Entries will be accepted through midnight of next Wednesday, the 18th. To avoid the embarrassment of duplication, please note that someone has already sent in a proposal for a panel called "How to Avoid the Embarrassment of Duplication." Unfortunately, due to a technical snafu, it was emailed a thousand times.
CHEERS to Tippeca...ca...cachoo! Happy 242nd birthday to "#9" William Henry "Tippecanoe" Harrison. During his nearly two-hour inaugural address (without an overcoat), he pledged not to run for a second term and, in one of the fastest fulfillments of a campaign promise ever, caught pneumonia and died 32 days later, but not before being plied with enough ipecac, opium, castor oil, calomel, camphor and brandy to kill a small army. Pay your respects here. Willy, we hardly knew ye.
P.S. Gesundheit.
CHEERS to movin' and groovin'. Congrats to the winners last night at the Grammy Awards, including "Weird Al" Yankovic for Best Comedy Album (Mandatory), Joan Rivers for Best Spoken Word (Diary of a Mad Diva), Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga for their traditional pop album Cheek to Cheek, and best new artist/four-award winner Sam Smith. And, thanks to Best Rap Performer Kendrick Lamar, the world finally has its first Grammy-winning song with the words…
Snubbed again: Keyboard Cat.
I done been through a whole lot
Trial, tribulations, but I know God
Satan wanna put me in a bow-tie
Praying that the holy water don't go dry, yeah yeah
As I look around me
So many motherfuckers wanna down me
But ain't no nigga never drown me
In front of a dirty double-mirror they found me
Mark my words, DJs. That's got "wedding song" written all over it.
CHEERS to the meteorologeewhiz kids. As our back yard braces for another foot-and-a-half of snow, we note that today is the 145th birthday of that dastardly socialist entity known as the National Weather Service. It's mission: to provide...
"...weather, hydrologic, and climate forecasts and warnings for the United States, its territories, adjacent waters and ocean areas, for the protection of life and property and the enhancement of the national economy. NWS data and products form a national information database and infrastructure which can be used by other governmental agencies, the private sector, the public, and the global community."
The nerve of them, redistributing weather information willy-nilly like that! And if Rick Santorum becomes president, you can
kiss it goodbye. Fortunately, the forecast for him calls for mostly Quixotic skies with a 99 percent chance of an early concession speech.
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Ten years ago in C&J: February 9, 2005
JEERS to flying boxcars. American Airlines is yanking their sorry excuse for pillows from their domestic flights in a cost-cutting move expected to save $375,000 per year. They're the size of a CD case, germ-infested, and filled with something that feels like broccoli. And if they don't put 'em back we'll never fly American Airlines again.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to 1/300th notes. On this date in 1992, Thomas Scholl of Germany became the fastest yodeler alive, delivering 22 tones---15 of them falsettos---in 1 second. Here he is in action:
Meanwhile the blue ribbon for speed-shouting "Benghazi" remains safely locked away in Sean Hannity's trophy case.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
A painting of Bill in Portland Maine by the French artist Paul Gauguin has been sold for $300, making it the most expensive work of art ever sold.
---BBC News
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