By Christine Boswell
Hello Ladies and Gentlemen! I am sure you all are still dry-heaving from you post-Valentines, coital bliss (SARCASM), but it is my duty to report the reality and burst all your colorful bubbles…all “50 Shades” of them.
Speaking of, and not to take the spotlight off of everything else happening in the world, I want to discuss “50 Shades of Grey” before I get into the rest of this week’s headlines because it is the “elephant in the room.” I am sure most of you are sick to death reading about this movie, and as most of us know, making light of abuse is incredulous in any venue. So how do we cure this bulls@!t? Especially, when this kind of movie is HOT to some? First, I am going to recommend two articles: The first on is a hilarious, yet poignant, feminist take by Jezebel’s Erin Gloria Ryan, called The Great Idiot American Novel. In it she talks about the main character, Christian Grey’s crazily worshipped, “magical dick” and how reading through every sex scene “renders her p@@$y drier than the last.”
The second one was recommended by a fellow forum blogger titled, “Pornography is What the End of the World Looks Like,” by Chris Hedges. It is a more seriously written piece comparing pornography to:
“degrading racist stereotypes. Black men are sexually potent beasts stalking white women. Black women have a raw, primitive lust. Latin women are sultry and hotblooded. Asian women are meek, sexually submissive geishas. In porn, human imperfections do not exist.”
And that is what 50 Shades is about isn’t it? Aside from all the abuse and unrealistic sex, it is a place where human imperfections don’t exist or strive not to exist (which means I live outside the “perfect porn world” so to speak, therefore, I have never “come undone” on cue). The character of Anastasia, is an imperfect virgin (which somehow makes her imperfections disappear because her virginity makes her “perfect”). Christian is “50 shades of f#@%ed up,” yet somehow his contrite, self-awareness (and let’s not forget his body and his “magical dick”) erase the imperfections. And what about all those “imperfections” of his? Well Ana sees past those because she wants to “save” him, further perpetuating the belief that we can change an abuser if “we just hang in there a little bit longer.” He even makes her responsible for his happiness; which brings me to my next point…
What makes the beatings in this book abusive is the targeted and predatory nature of the male character towards the female character. Ana is naïve and does not understand what is going on, as she is new to relationships and sex. Christian is older, sexually experienced, has issues with his mother, and “needs” someone to take it out on and makes Ana his target. Also, it is the “punishment” he inflicts on Ana for when she doesn’t “behave,” outside this space, going as far as to punish her for exerting her own will. He insert his emotional limits onto her. To me, this type of abuse produces the “walking on eggshells” syndrome where a person in any kind of relationship with another person doesn’t know what behavior of theirs will set off the other. It isn’t just one area of her life, nor is she a willing participant. He is in every part of her life, controlling who she hangs out with and where she hangs out. He has trouble being with her friends and is severely jealous. This bothers me tremendously. In real life, Ana would lose her instincts and not know how to act or what to say. She would be silenced and lose her voice in all matters. In real life, this turns ugly and is taken to a whole new shade of effed up where a person doesn’t care about what a woman consents to, only what he wants, such as the case with this Louisiana politician who told his wife:
“Your [sic] going to be a rape victim, put on heels, skirt & a blouse you don’t care if it gets ruined. Text me when you are ready and come downstairs.”
Speaking for myself, as a feminist, I worry about this kind of book getting into an idiot’s brain and said idiot not understanding that it is a fantasy, not be emulated on some stupid, crackpot whim. Yet, some a-holes cannot seem to get a grip on that idea. It is like watching a movie about a boy flying and then jumping off your roof thinking it is possible. It isn’t. You need some sort of aircraft in order to do it. Intelligent people get this. Stupid people do not.
Of course the book has Christian relenting and changing, writing the character of Anna as being responsible, thanks to her refusal to give up on her beloved Christian. He is eventually presented as a gentler Christian who “loves Ana” thanks to her unending understanding and sacrifice to his needs. They have babies and it just gets sweeter (I can see the soft lighting in this scene). In my opinion, in real life, this guy doesn’t change. He would be addicted to porn and paying for prostitutes. He would eventually want more and not less, emotionally and physically, from Ana. He would lose interest in Anna because every ounce of her would be too exhausted trying to give him what he needs. She would become an emotional wreck.
As far as the “S&M”…I know people who do this. I know very little about this world other than it can be all-consuming, or it can be confined to one area of the couple’s world. What I will say is the couples I do know, including both same-sex couples and heterosexual couples, are NOT abusive and do not feel abused/abusive towards their or by their partner. For them, it is the ultimate trust. They are educated, intelligent people who have studied the technique and understand the limits clearly. Therefore, there is no psychological destruction or emotional damaging of a person's internal will taking place. (I realize many will disagree, but I am stating what I do know about it and am trying to relay the distinction between the two.)
Still not convinced? Then let’s try this scenario (and I am speaking to the average whimsical person who is into this book/movie). Take these characters and make them four decades older. What do you think happens when Anna and Christian get into their 60’s? Give me a “50 Shades Grey-er” book/movie. Still thinking butt plugs and 16 inch plastic penises are in their future?
On to LGBT news…
Texas has made history!!
I am so thrilled to report that ONE same-sex marriage has taken place, here, in good ‘ole Austin, Texas. Probate Judge Guy Herman ruled the ban on same sex marriage in Texas is unconstitutional. He made this ruling as a result of a probate case he was deciding on after the death of a partner in a same-sex marriage that was not recognized in Texas. The partner’s estate should have gone to her wife, but instead her children are fighting over the property. Following Judge Herman’s ruling, a court order by state District Judge David Wahlberg of Travis County was issued in order to allow a marriage license be granted to Sarah Goodfriend and Suzanne Bryant, a couple who have been together for 30 years and have two children together. Sarah has ovarian cancer and therefore she, along with her partner Suzanne, wanted their relationship recognized as legal for their children’s security as well as their happiness, knowing finally they could marry the loves of their lives (and married they did get, right after they obtained their license!)
I was there on Thursday to celebrate the post-nuptials with Sarah and Suzanne! They love each other (not that they have to prove that to anyone). Religion doesn’t own marriage. Since there are tax breaks directly tied to marriage and children it is discrimination not allowing same sex couples to be married. Above all, it is a travesty! Congratulations, Sarah and Suzanne!
But every silver lining has that cloud...
Immediately following this, The Texas State Supreme Court blocked any other couples from obtaining licenses until Texas State Attorney General Ken Paxton was sure he wasn't going to be forced to marry a chicken or some BS. And while that last statement is exaggerated, it isn’t far from the mark because after all, and according to Texas conservative wackadoo Louis Gohmert, gay marriages will lead to beastiality. (TOTAL LOGIC FAIL) Go pluck yourselves.
AND then there is this...
UPDATE
Texas Attorney General, Ken Paxton is asking the Texas Supreme Court to invalidate the marriage of Sarah Goodfriend and Suzanne Bryant, proving once again his family values aren't about equality and justice, but rather objectifying marriage down to a penis and a vagina. And since it is being so objectified, I think I will proxy myself and my vagina for a peach and my husband and his penis for a banana, when I renew my vows in a couple of years, in protest.
In Hippocritic News...
A Michigan pediatrician refused to treat an infant because her parents were two women. And unbelievably, it isn’t against the law!! Way to hang on to your Hippocratic Oath!
In global News…
Malawi is raising the legal age for girls to be married from 15 to 18…although it doesn’t stop the “training”:
“
Malawian girls are commonly locked in a room for seven days and taught how to please men sexually, complete with an exit exam where they must prove their skills with an older man. Girls in parts of the country customarily enter marriage when they are kidnapped, raped and forced to marry their assailant; some of them are as young as 9 years old. "Hyenas," men who are secretly employed by community elders, "cleanse" girls when they reach adolescence by having sex with them to rid them of their "sexual dust." Not coincidentally, for every one man who contracts HIV in Malawi, at least five women and girls become infected.”
On the domestic violence front:
Amy Dawson was brutally attacked by her new husband because he couldn’t get her wedding dress off.
AND
In England, Natalie Allman, whose fiancée was jailed for slashing and punching her, was ordered by a judge to write and send pictures of their children to him in jail, or face jail time herself… I say screw this judges’ order!
In Hollywood news…
Angelina Jolie will produce short films about women who were kidnapped by ISIS. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/...
In advocacy news…
North Carolina is gearing up for a Women’s Advocacy Day on February 24, 2015. Hot button issues such as Violence against women, Access to Health Care, Civic Participation and Equality, and Economic Self Sufficiency will be among the topics. To register go here: http://www.ncwu.org/...
In SCOTUS news:
Want to watch a killer interview on Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg, given by Rachel Maddow? Go here: http://www.msnbc.com/...
(Thanks ramara)
And last but not least….
It is Black History Month. In honor of this month I would like to recognize some of the many wonderful pioneering women in Black History:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BARBARA JORDAN!
I LOVE AUDRE LORDE'S THOUGHTS!
BESSIE COLEMAN ENCOURAGED ALL WOMEN BY BEING THE FIRST BLACK PILOT TO HOLD A LICENSE!
As well as these 9 other women who haven't been so recognized but have made vital contributions to Black History. Click on this link:
http://mic.com/...
HAVE A GREAT WEEK ALL!