Monkey Tail News has evolved from my own wish for a new spine to replace the crumbling one currently in place in my body. I sometimes dream of having a monkey spine complete with the tail. A harmless fantasy that grew to the point where I was imaging flinging poop at politicians who pissed me off. So with that said here is the inaugural issue. I promise there will be no mention of Governor Chris Christie in a bikini after this one.
The dedicated staff here at MTN have been discussing the issues that affect all of us. We got pretty depressed with all of the crap going on and the meeting devolved into a poop flinging fest. Just wondering but does anyone know of a good cleaning agency that is cheap and doesn't mind cleaning up monkey poop ? If so please contact our editorial board. Oh yeah they must be able to take bananas for payment. We have lots of bananas. We did have one great idea before the poop started flying though. We have decided to start our own awards show. These awards are for politicians from both parties oh and the Tea Party. So let's swing down below the orange gloop of monkey poop and kick off our first year of POOPIES.
To start off our own award show we need nominees in many categories. That is where you the reader come in. Feel free to nominate your favorite politicians for the following categories.
Best old geezer politician scowl: This category speaks for itself. Let us know who you think has the best old geezer scowl. They can be local or national politicians.
Best Withered Old White Guy law. This is a special category. To be nominated a politician needs to have proposed or written a law screwing over women and trying to regulate their reproductive cycles. An Example is Michigan's rape insurance law.
Best Knife in the back award. This is reserved for female politicians who have stabbed fellow women in the back by trying to pass laws like the one in the category above.
Most racist quote : Note in this category Louie Gohmert is banned from competition. He has his very own category.
Most Insane Louie Gohmert quote: This category speaks for itself. But please don't cast aspersions upon any Asparagus.
Best bonehead move by Republicans / Tea Party: Let us hear what you think is the most boneheaded move by your favorite republican or tea partier.
Best Boneheaded move by a Democrat / Independent.: Same as above but for the Democrats.
Most insane proposed law: This is pretty straight forward. Send us examples of insane laws being proposed in your area or nationally.
The Science denier Award: Once again pretty straight forward. This field will be pretty crowded so make sure you include all the information about your favorite.
The best screw over by a Governor:Let's hear your nominations for the governor who has screwed over the people in their state.
So there you go. There are the initial categories for the first annual Poopies. We will sift through all of the nominations and then fling poop at the best. The ones that have the most poop on them at the end will win. Feel free to suggest new categories for next years show as well. We can't do this without you.