I've struggled with depression on and off for several years, and it's always worst in the winter months. I'm on an antidepressant and I have a psychiatrist.
I've been at my current job for a year and a half. My husband and I are bakers at a location in a local chain. I like the work, and at first it was great. But last summer there was a change in management and it's been going downhill since. Despite all the corporate involvement nothing ever seems to get done; the new manager is incompetent and lies a lot, we often run out of ingredients or they order things we don't need, and we have equipment that doesn't work properly and they refuse to fix it, people don't do their jobs and there's a general lack of communication between managers. Often some of the things we make don't even make it to the shelves to be sold, which throws off our productivity numbers and labor and waste. There are no benefits, and I've been told by no less than three people since I started that they would start offering health insurance but now it's looking like they'll just eat the fine. They also don't get rid of the useless employees.
We had a good crew of bakers over the holiday months; we all got along well and enjoyed working together. Then one of them got transferred to another store, so we had to make do with two people most days until they found someone to replace her. Which made things stressful trying to do more with less people in the same amount of time. Or we'd get there and the sourdough start had been fed late or not at all, putting us hours behind.
The things that don't get fixed: one of the tables collapsed right before Christmas (2013) with a mixer on it, which never got fixed properly and still wobbles. They said not to put the mixer back on it (it took 3 of us to lift it back up), and what did they do? Put the mixer back on it, of course. There's the scale that doesn't work right; the big one is sensitive to static on the plastic tubs we use for flour and dough and so it throws off the number display, so we can't use it. The scale people offered to put a different display screen (head?) on it, but the company didn't want to do that. And I've lost count of how many vacuum cleaners and food processors we've been through since I've been there because the teenagers who work out front don't know how to handle them properly and so they break right away, and they go and buy the cheapest things they can find to replace them.
On top of all that a few people had their paychecks bounce a few weeks ago. It was resolved right away, but it worried me that they aren't doing very well financially. In fact I know they aren't doing well because apparently our location only made $1000 for all of 2014. Which isn't surprising given all the food waste and production costs. And yet they refuse to invest in improving things.
All of this has snowballed into another mental breakdown. Since there were no other options than simply quitting and I've been there a year and a half I decided to take FMLA leave to recover and rest and look for other jobs. This way at least if I don't find another job I'll still have a job to go back to, even if it sucks. My husband and I hadn't had time off since last May for our wedding.
We've decided to start looking for jobs in other states. I've been sending out resumes and applications in California, Portland OR and Seattle. We're even considering going back to Minnesota, although there are places I'd rather go that are warmer and have higher wages.
I hate job hunting. I hate the entire process. I'm not good at networking or bullshitting. I don't interview well, especially group interviews. I'm an introvert, and as I get older I'm getting more and more introverted. This of course makes job hunting even more difficult, and job hunting in other states that much worse. I've had a number of responses so far, and a couple of places that wanted to interview me, but haven't heard anything back again. They all want to know when I will be there or when I'm moving. But the simple truth is I DON'T KNOW. I don't have much money, but I'm perfectly willing to travel for an interview, or do phone interviews first. It's not even like I expect them to pay for me to come out there to interview. My husband and I would like to move out of Utah as soon as is practical of course; it's just hard to justify going out there without having something definite set up first, you know? Why don't these people understand that? Can we all just agree to cut the bullshit already? If I went out for an interview and got a job offer I would stay and start working right away and go from there. I don't want to stay out there and burn through all my savings for nothing; I've been there and done that before.
I don't know anyone in Portland, and hotels are expensive. I know a few people in Seattle, but I don't feel right asking if I could stay with them. I blame the conservatives who preach about “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” and being self-sufficient and personal responsibility that we hear so much about. But having a place to stay would certainly make things a lot easier.
I have more than five years of experience with bakery and pastry stuff. I feel like I'm too old for this nonsense; I'm tired of constantly looking for better jobs. I just want to find a job I could stay at for many years and actually save money so I can buy my own car (moving to somewhere where I wouldn't need one in the first place would be nice, of course) and so my husband and I can go on a honeymoon.
Conservatives would say I need more marketable skills. Why? I'm good at what I do and I love the work. It's something that can't very well be outsourced, so there's always going to be demand for it. Why shouldn't I be able to make a living doing something that I like? I don't even know what else I would do. I have a Bachelors degree in music, so you can see how well that worked out.
I blame the powers that be in this country for not valuing actual hard work anymore. I hate how all the articles I read about job hunting and workplace drama assume everyone works in an office with cubicles, sitting at a computer all day long. Where are the articles about ordinary people who actually make things for a living or work in retail or other service industry jobs? Why do they act like we don't exist, even though we make up the majority of the economy?
I know if I have to go back to my job there's no hope of a raise (my husband asked for one last week and was turned down), no hope of getting health insurance or other benefits, no hope of things getting better.
I hate everything.