In a speech Monday that was punctuated by occasional cheering, the Governor of Wisconsin promised a sweeping transformation of the state economy.
“With this stroke of a pen,” said Republican Governor Scott Walker, speaking at Badger Meter near Milwaukee, “I continue an unintimidated campaign of economic reform from the top down.” He then signed the Right-to-Work bill into law and handed his pen to the CEO of WMCC (Wisconsin Manufacturers of Class Conflict).
Walker, who is also Chair of the WEDC (Wisconsin Economic Devolution Committee), a quasi-public entity, then spoke briefly about his vision for a new workers' paradise.
“The WEDC quickly proved it was capable of fundamentally changing the function of state government,” he said, “To date, millions of dollars in taxpayer revenue have been diverted from infrastructure projects and public services to further enrich the hardly-working millionaires who care most deeply about your money! These are America's Capitalist patriots! And you can rest assured they have only their best interests in mind!”
Walker aides then held up signs that read, “Cheer!” The crowd, numbering upwards of seven or eight nonunion laborers, obeyed.
“Yes, my fellow consumers,” the governor continued, “despite the tactics of obstructionist Democrats, the GOP has again triumphed in its tireless efforts to free you from the burdens of civic participation and political representation. Now, more than ever, Wisconsinites can devote their non-working hours to unbridled consumerism and its freedom-expanding corollary, overtime at work. And soon, I promise you, we'll eliminate the burden of wasteful shift premiums!”
“Rest assured, the corporations and trust-fund tenants who purchased these freedoms for your benefit will continue to expand their right to profit from your labor!”
“These innovations, I am paid to tell you, are among the many I am eager to introduce as the GOP fundamentally redefines public service in this, the Corporate Century!”
“I can now reveal that in phase two of the final solution for a Brave New Wisconsin, the GOP has been ordered to introduce a bill that compliments my proposed budget. Appropriately named the Selective Education to Redefine Freedom Act (SERF), it promises to capitalize on my cuts to wasteful education spending by streamlining curriculum at all levels. Students will be freed from the fruitless search for knowledge and meaning, freed from the onerous burden of defending and defining freedom, equity, civic duty and good governance, and rewarded for demonstrating obedience and conformity.”
Walker aides again held up signs to prompt the crowd. They complied.
“This is a prime example of the benefit to shareholders that we included in our Five-Year, Secret-Agenda Plan. Privatizing education and other public services has been shown to eliminate wasteful oversight and regulatory constraints, thus assuring a steady flow of capital from laborers to the corporations and shareholders who own them.”
Aides again waved their signs. Crowd response was notably weaker.
“It is my distinct pleasure now to unveil the lyrics and music for the state anthem, brought to you by the corporation that outbid all competitors for naming rights to the region formerly known as Wisconsin-”
“Governor,” came a loud voice from the back of the room, “why have you and your party restricted public comment and public debate about your legislation? And why do you ignore the needs of ordinary citizens?”
The voice originated from a pool of reporters at the back of the room. They were cordoned off by a special contingent of the Capitol Police and prohibited from asking questions. The group separated to reveal an elderly woman holding a bullhorn to her lips.
The governor appeared to be stunned. His eyes opened wider than usual. After several false starts, he stammered, “I- I can assure you we have been eager to help ordinary citizens understand our needs.”
“I didn't ask about your needs. I asked about the needs of ordinary Wisconsinites. Do you remember taking an Oath of Office?” All eyes were riveted on the elderly woman.
The governor's aides held up “Cheer!” signs, but the crowd had turned to face the woman, who wore a large WEAC button.
The governor stuttered, “I-I-I have amassed an impressive list of achievements-”
“Impressive to whom?” the woman interrupted, “Wisconsin is at least a year behind neighboring states in economic recovery.”
“Act 10 for example-”
“Act 10 took away the negotiated and earned benefits of unionized public sector employees. Those people are part of the economy, too. You crippled their buying power and crippled the economy as a result. You call that an 'achievement?'”
The governor looked at his teleprompters, then swiveled his head, apparently searching for his aides. One of them rushed to the podium and handed him a note. After an awkward delay, during which the governor asked the aide to explain the meanings of several words and to say them out loud, apparently so he knew how to pronounce them, the governor cleared his throat.
“I, uh, can assure you, madam, that our ideological experts from such distinguished institutions of higher lying as the Bradley Foundation, the Mackinac Center, the Heritage Foundation and Club for Growth have said, in no uncertain terms, and I quote, “We have to destroy the state economy in order to save it.”
“A real governor,” the elderly woman said, “would have found ways to raise the living standards of ordinary people in the private sector. All you did was lower the living standards of a select group of public-sector employees who tend to vote Democratic. When are you going to start doing the job that ordinary Wisconsinites elected you to do? When are going to start working for THEM!?!?”
The Capitol Police, who later claimed they were present in order to protect the reporters (from what or from whom they refused to say) surrounded the elderly woman. One officer, using his billy club, swatted the bullhorn away from the woman's mouth. She cried out and grabbed her wrist, wincing. Officers then handcuffed the woman, despite her apparent injury, and dragged her from the room. Aides to the governor were heard disparaging the woman, calling her a “Democrat,” a “teacher,” and a “union thug.”
Police immediately confiscated all the reporters' recording devices and ushered them from the building. Several were arrested when they refused to surrender their cameras, audio recorders and spare media cards. Governor Walker was seen being leaping into a limousine, which sped away.
A confidential source in the Capitol Police Department revealed the elderly woman had been taken to a previously unknown detention center run by the Department of Administration. In a terse phone conversation with a reporter later that day, a DOA employee who refused to identify himself denied the existence of the detention center. Before hanging up, he stated that, in the interest of “public safety,” the DOA and State Capitol Police were recently empowered to jointly operate several “Re-education Centers.”
The Chief of the State Capitol Police refused to state why the woman was being detained. The anonymous source in his department, however, confirmed that she faced at least three charges: 1) Verbal Assault, with Intent to Inform and Educate, 2) Interfering in the Free-Speech Rights of Corporate Persons or their Representatives, and 3) Inciting the Accountability of an Elected Official.
A spokeswoman for the governor later released this statement: “We must identify the people who are teaching voters these tactics – in other words, their teachers – and eliminate them. I'm doing that in Wisconsin and I can do it in Iraq and Syria... Behind every problem, there are teachers you need to get rid of.”
Capitol Police and DOA officials have refused to release any information about the elderly woman.