I was asked recently why, if I'm married, I flirt as frequently and with as much abandon as I do. The easy answer is that it's just my nature: I flirt without realizing it and with pretty much everybody. I'm married to a wonderful woman who supports and has accepted my transition from male to female, but with the cost that we have no intimate relationship, as she is completely straight.
I flirt because, why not? Not all people flirt because they expect or even want to have anything happen. They flirt because it’s fun to let another human being know that they’re attractive, that they’re funny, that they’re smart, that they’re worth trying to get to know. They flirt because the world is not all black and white; often, it’s colorful and messy. They flirt because maybe they’re incredibly lonely and crave even the littlest bits of affirmation themselves that, in a world of billions of people, there might be a few who find them charming or attractive or worth flirting back with.
They flirt because not all flirting is indicative of expectation; there’s an indescribably vast chasm that separates, “I’d love to kiss you,” from, “I intend to kiss you.”
Yes, I’m married. Have you ever been? Have you ever committed yourself to be “that person” to someone who wants to give you everything but that which you need the most? Have you ever joined yourself to someone who wants to be married but decided they don’t want a spouse, they want a friend - but only one, and so they decide that you are the well from which they will draw everything they need and yet will not be that person for you? And have you ever been in that situation and truly loved that other person even though they make a conscious choice every day to keep you at arm’s length and forbid you to expect any kind of physical or romantic connection? I hope not, and I hope that, if you ever are, you are more intelligent about how you handle it than I am and that you’re strong enough to rip that Band-Aid off and move on.
I don’t make excuses or attempts to justify my behavior, but I do try my very best to not offend anyone with it. If you find yourself offended by my actions or any part of my explanation, I apologize. And should you not be satisfied with any of this, I would gladly talk to you about it - or anything - but with the satisfaction of knowing to whom I am speaking.