I thought it over and maybe I'm off-base thinking that my state government does not respect my gender's decision-making abilities. Regret is icky, am I right, ladies? So, rather than injure my delicate brain and humors with unfeminine complaints(and since we're built to be helpful, even me, in my regrettable post-forty barrenness,) I decided there are ten more decisions our charming governor could take over for me. Follow me over the fold, if it's okay with the men in your life.
10. Put a timer on my computer so I can't email, or read diaries, after 10, when I feel most pissed off and receptive.
9. Put a chip that moos on my fridge so I feel guilty going for "just a little" ice cream or sherbet.
8. Have a staffer come over at night to take my debit card so I don't buy too many e-books too close to the end of the month.
7. The governor's security team could come with me when I go shopping and make sure nothing is "too young" for me or looks like liberal swag.
6. Cathi Herrod could critique my prose for expletives, and read my sex scenes aloud.
5. Listen to my phone calls to make sure I don't agree to go to that party that sounds like a good idea three months out, but as it gets closer, I start to dread it.
4. They could find a right-wing dentist to tell me that unless I floss at 8:25 every night, my teeth will bounce out of my jaws like chiclets out of a package. Because, science.
3.They could protect me from "Hollywood filth merchants" by arguing that the state owns my netflix queue and replace all my movies with "Soul Surfer", "Left Behind", and a Ducey-approved line of civics filmstrips.
2. They could require Female Republican Candidate Helmet Hair as a condition for graduating from cosmetology school.Result: No more haircuts!
1. Make it not legal for me to vote till I've listened to my grandma talk about fiber and the Horrors of ObamaCare for at least two hours per election year.
What was I thinking, guys? Limited government is GRAND!