I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places that this heart of mine embraces all day through.....
All the times we used to play in the park across the way
You chased the squirrels, you gave them hell
Around the trees, down The Houndy Trail
I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's day
Laughing while you run and play
I'll always think of you that way
I'll find you in the morning sun and when the night is new......
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you
Puptuck was born approximately April 15, 2005. We never knew her real birthday so we made one up based on how old she was at the time I found her at the APL in October 2006.
I was mad at my (then) boyfriend about something really terrible he did. I took the opportunity to defy him and adopt a dog. I wanted a dog. I needed a dog. Goddammit, I went and got me a dog.
I went to the APL with my friend, Nicole. She remembers this day as vividly as I do. I passed Puptuck's cage three times before I decided to stop. The other dogs were going batshit, jumping up at the cages when I walked past. But this one dog....she looked so depressed. She looked up at me and then looked back down and sighed. For two weeks, moms, dads and children had passed her by and took other doggies home. Nobody had been interested in her. Her bowl was full of food. She was so sad, she didn't want to eat.
I stopped in front of her cage on that third go-round and showed her the leash I was hiding behind my back. She "smiled", stood up and wagged her tail.
"Let's take her out and spend some time in the meeting room so you can see if you want..."
NOPE. THIS MY DOG. I TAKE HER HOME NOW!!!
I decided to humor the shelter volunteer and hang out with the dog for a few minutes. She was obsessively sniffy. She wouldn't even acknowledge me while the trails of other dogs had her attention. Then she barked like a Beagle. An ear-piercing howl that was music to my ears.
"She's a Beagle/Hound mix..."
Oh, yes, she is! I TAKE MY DOG HOME NOW?!
I took her home. I didn't know what to name her yet. Her original name had been Sierra. It didn't fit her. I had to keep telling her to settle down in the car.
"Ok, pup, sit down! Pup, no! Pup, pup, pup..." She threw up in my car, she was so excited.
I decided within a few hours that her name would be Puptuck. I had a dog when I was 4 and I named him Puptuck. This wonderful, 18 month old Beagle-y hound-y goofball would be called Puptuck.
She was MY dog. MY DOG. Until the boyfriend came home and they looked at each other for the first time. Then she was HIS dog. LOL
Puptuck was there for me during the election of Barack Obama in 2008. I held her by the paws and danced. She was freaked out by the celebratory gunshots and hid under the desk most of the night but she was with me. Matter of fact, she HATED New Year's Eve and July 4th because it was horrible, scary, loud noises day. She never got used to the noise.
She saw me through so many hard times. She saw G (the old boyfriend) through even harder times.
When I broke up with G 3 years ago, I let him be Puptuck's residential "parent". They couldn't live without each other. I missed her but I knew she was happier with G. I spent a week with her in January when G went on vacation with his girlfriend. It was a great week. I had been with Puptuck a few days here and there over those three years but I hated to take her away from G even for a few days because it distressed her and I hated to see her unhappy. She was happy with me but not as happy as she was with him. I didn't care about my emotional needs. I just cared about Puptuck's happiness so I would do without her for a looooong time.
Puptuck was well known in the neighborhood. She knew people that I didn't even know! I'd be walking her and random people would yell "Hey, Puptuck!". G used to take her to the local tavern to hang out with the folks. She was the only dog allowed in that establishment for a while. They always decorated the birthday announcement board for Puptuck on April 15th. Everybody loved her.
I used to talk to Puptuck when I felt like I didn't have a friend in the world. I used to have conversations with this dog just to amuse myself.
"Puppy, what do you think about extraterrestrial life in the universe?"
WAGS HAPPILY
"Me, too! I think the same thing!"
LOL
G called me Saturday and told me that Puptuck had a seizure. The vet at the animal ER wasn't sure why it happened, perhaps it happened because of "barometric pressure". Perhaps a blood clot in her body came loose. They wouldn't know for sure until Monday when her real vet could do further tests. They gave her some Valium to calm her down.
But she didn't make it to Monday. G went to sleep at 2am and he was worried because Puptuck refused to close her eyes and go to sleep. He woke up at 4am to check on her. She was gone. It was peaceful. She had gone to sleep and didn't wake back up. She didn't have another seizure, according to the vet. She just passed away.
I am comforted by that. Just barely, though.
I thought she would live to be 15 at least. She looked exactly the same as the day I brought her home. Never aged, never got sick, never had any problems much. She had a heart murmur. No big deal.
The last time I saw her, I rubbed her head and she gave me the last "nummy, nummies" (dog kisses) I would ever get from her. I didn't know they were the last. Nobody ever knows.
Why this life is so cruel as to give us these "children" who will never outlive us? We exist on an fixed plane, barely changing while our beloved pets become elderly before our very eyes and then leave us. It's not fair.
Was it worth it to bring this beautiful dog into my life, watch her fall in love with a man that I was pissed off at, let him take her because she was happier with him and then hear by phone that she slipped out of my life forever and I never got to see her one last time?
YES. I would do it all over again. Every smile, laugh, hug, smooch and surge of joy I got from that dog will live forever in my heart. Everyone who knew Puptuck loved her. It was worth it to all of us.
And G...I know you loved Puptuck. Maybe even more than I did. You keep your head up. You gave that dog a wonderful life and I never worried about her for one second while she was with you and L. Thank you so much for everything you've done for her.