I wrote earlier this year on my commitment to decluttering the house. As with many things, Life gets in the way and sometimes days go by before I go "Oh crap, I need to get back to it!" And I do... more is leaving the house than going in, and new patterns of keeping clutter at bay ARE settling in. But tonight's topic is another type of decluttering... that of the people kind. Follow me below the orange pile of IRS tax documents you used to file your taxes (you haven't filed yet?! What are you doing reading this?!) after a word from our sponsor...
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I've seen a number of posts from people in the wake of the HRC announcement that they'll unfriend anyone who will/won't consider voting for her. Same goes for any number of other hot-button topics.
When Michael Brown was killed by Ferguson, MO police officer Darren Wilson last August, I posted repeatedly about it on Facebook, among other places. Most of my friends are, well... you guys, but as is the case for so many of us, we have people friended there from other less friendly places in our lives. Parents of my kids' friends/teammates... former classmates from school and college... past workplaces... other online communities of which I'm a part.
It was an interesting way to learn what your friends actually think about racism in America, police brutality, and white privilege. I have three current/former cops plus several family-of-cops, people from all over the country and of a variety of political idiologies among my Facebook friends.
In most cases, it played out fine but in a few... man. The denial, ignorance, subtle and not-so-subtle bias etc were stunning. I also discovered some of my liberal, agrees-in-principle with me friends simply canNOT play well (and by well I mean not resorting to name calling, ad hominem attacks and other behaviours that just don't fly) with others whose opinions vary. I learned the fine art of Friend Lists, meaning if I posted commentary to a list only those people ON it, saw it.
In a few cases, though, I questioned why exactly I was friends with these people in the first place. And in a few cases, I made the decision there wasn't enough there there to justify keeping the person around. So I decluttered, and removed them. And didn't give it another thought, until today when one such person messaged me:
I was wondering why you dropped me. We may not always agree, but I always think it is important to see all points of view...I know I learn things from it.
Well. I've always said that I strive to build community, not tear it down. That I valued intelligent discussion. That if I can't discuss my opinions in a diverse community without losing my cool then I need to work at it until I can. I don't mean the toxic, batshit-crazy, absolutely unreasonable folk clinging to their opinions as to anti-vaxxer Jenny McCarthy's unclothed breasts. I mean the regular folks who you otherwise have things in common with but differ on Issue X.
Which brought me to today, when I added that person back... albeit NOT to my "plays well with others" list :-). I've decided they weren't clutter; they were a diversity I need to hear if I'm going to try to be the change I want to see in the world.
What about you? What keeps people in your lives, either online or out in real space? Have you ever distanced, then come back again for another try?
BeninSC is one of those people you NEVER distance yourself from, and please give him mad props as formatter tonite.
Brillig's ObDisclaimer: The decision to publish each nomination lies with the evening's Diarist and/or Comment Formatter. My evenings at the helm, I try reeeeallllyy hard to publish everything without regard to content. I really do, even when I disagree personally with any given nomination. "TopCommentness" lies in the eyes of the nominator and of you, the reader - I leave the decision to you. I do not publish self-nominations (ie your own comments) and if I ruled the world, we'd all build community, supporting and uplifting instead of tearing our fellow Kossacks down.
Note: At the moment Search seems to be well and truly borked. Our usual hunts for those comments you've intentionally or inadvertently flagged with "top comment" or "great comment" or similar... well, we can't search to find them. So if you have a comment you believe belongs here... PLEASE send it in directly!!
From Yours Truly, brillig:
It's hard to outsnark Hunter in one of his diaries, but Meteor Blades does just that!
The grouch sums up my thoughts on Jen Sorensen's Hillary Clinton pro vs. con summary cartoon.
Oh lizardbox, I wish I'd thought to say what you said to the DSCC.
Top Mojo for Monday, April 13, 2015, first comments and tip jars excluded. Thank you
mik for the mojo magic! For those of you interested in How Top Mojo Works, please see his diary
FAQing Top Mojo.
1) Don't be a pharmacist by bobsc +240
2) My family reunions are like yours by navajo +196
3) And now tell me again by kenwards +153
3) Fiorina is only second to the greatest by inclusiveheart +153
5) I was looking for the by gchaucer2 +132
6) When Danger reared its ugly head... by thanatokephaloides +123
7) A group of white people ... by niemann +112
8) Please proceed, Republicans. by IndieGuy +101
9) federal indictment by matador +97
9) What is interesting about her, is the fact that by NedSparks +97
11) I wish I had this article on Friday. by Raggedy Ann +92
12) it's worse: expired pipeline permit & water permit by Patriot Daily News Clearinghouse +87
13) Someone who walked away with a big pile of money! by leftover +86
14) you get to, Bill by Karl Rover +85
15) The documentary by Lily O Lady +84
16) Strangely, I sort of view Fiorina as a by inclusiveheart +82
17) So the pharmacist gets to refuse by Miniaussiefan +81
18) WOW! That is a bombshell! by CwV +78
19) Here is the store's contact info. I posted this by Leslie Salzillo +77
19) How much more... by RichM +77
21) I can't take my eyes by gchaucer2 +75
22) It was great! Scarborough vacated the set! :) by NedSparks +74
23) I hope they keep saying that so that by inclusiveheart +73
24) Well.... by Lilyvt +72
24) Employers fear the right wing noise machine by ladymissdiva +72
26) Call it a vast by w84me +69
26) When you know somebody a bit... by Meteor Blades +69
28) You think that deputy was ever tased himself? by LordRobin +68
29) Basically by Andrea Spande +66
29) You have to really have a sense that you're by GeorgeBurnsWasRight +66
2015-04-14 Top Comments with Pictures, courtesy of
jotter!