May 12, 2015
The Obama administration’s plan to destroy all living penguins has been derailed after realizing they dispatched oil drilling platforms to the wrong pole.
May 12, 2015
The Obama administration’s plan to destroy all living penguins has been derailed after realizing they dispatched oil drilling platforms to the wrong pole.
The Senate Science Committee responded swiftly with a heartfelt statement:
“This wouldn’t be a problem in the first place if our climate plan was fully funded and we no longer had ice-mass at either pole. However, this is still a win for America, as we have no reason to believe that polar bears are not terrorists.”
In order to save face after diverting massive anti-penguin lobby money to promote arctic oil drilling, a Junior Senator from Texas implemented a covert operation to transport penguins from the south to north pole. After capturing the flock of penguins under the cover of night, the team attempted to quietly place them on a glacier via helicopter-drop.
The Senator was forced to make a statement after word of the failed operation had gotten out: “As God is my witness, I thought penguins could fly.”
View the original post and learn more about the arctic oil drilling plan.