Seems like in the last week to ten days my back has decided to be even meaner. I know it doesn't have a brain and can't really control it's actions but hey it's my story and I will tell it like I want. Capisce ? So yeah my back has gotten some new weapons in it's war of pain. The weekend before last the tops of both feet started to hurt. It was like someone had just stood on them. They are still tender and achy today and all the time, it doesn't come and go. Also last week about Wednesday or so my back started to feel like someone was driving knives into my spine in the cervical area. It usually happens while I am working around 11:30 or Noon. It lasts the rest of the day until I lay down and stretch my spine. It doesn't help at all to get up and stretch before it starts. I have tried. Tried more Ibuprofen since I can't take my somewhat good stuff until 2:00 pm but that don't help a bit. Also top of my right foot's instep is itchy as hell. Won't stop no matter what even with multiple applications of anti itch cream. Then we have the creepy crawlies which is new too. That isn't pain, it just feels like you have a whole ant colony running and playing on your leg when nothing is there. Drives me nuts.
I just had my cervical spine CT scanned and last week had a MRI scan. I have my surgeon follow up on Thursday of next week. Heck it's going to be busy in the next week. Friday I see the Hematologist about my high red and white blood cell count for more blood tests and something called an infusion. Have to call about that and see if I need to do anything before it like not eat. Also want to know what it is exactly since I have no clue. Then on Tuesday after Memorial day I have a PM clinic appointment. Want to bet on a piss test ? Then Thursday I have my surgeon's appointment. So lots of poking and prodding. I am hoping we get more answers as well. I am fed up and tired of this. I want it to end. Not my life just the freaking pain. I have hit my limit. That's it, that's all. No more I give up.
I am sure many of you have had this moment many times. It's so freaking wonderful to feel like you have NO control of your life. So much fun to realize what does control your life and every waking and even some sleeping moments is PAIN ! Even when the meds are working their best it is hard to ignore the pain and concentrate on anything. That is very bad in my job. I have to be on my toes. Mistakes can cost money for my company and for doctors and healthcare providers. Lots and lots of little details to keep track of on every claim I work. STOP! I have no control over what is paid out. I have no control over what even gets paid. If I don't follow the rules I get an audit and that will cost me money. Not a huge amount in the scheme of things but let's just say that last year I made about $3000.00 over the course of the year in bonus money. Wish it had been all at once but I get it every quarter. Too bad it goes on a regular pay check and gets it's butt taxed off. So yeah now the pain is getting to the point where it is very hard to concentrate on work. I can work just fine on 30 mg of Roxicodone yet the pain is still so high I can barely concentrate on my job.
Well I know the Dragon Lady won't give a rat's ass about that. She will not bump me up to a stronger medication. Heck she will probably not even want to change my muscle relaxers. Getting more and more ticks and twitches when I lay down and even some now when I am sitting down at work. So much fun to have your leg or legs jerk forward all on their own. I have kicked Kyra my 13 year old furbaby in the middle of the night because she sleeps right next to her daddy. One night I actually pushed her off the bed with one. SO yeah I am fed up. I am tired of fighting this crap. I want some relief. Can you blame me ? Why is it so acceptable to allow a person with chronic pain to live with a pain level of 5 or 6 ? Who came up with that medical protocol ? I would dearly love to know. I'd be willing to show them what living with a 5 or 6 level every day, day after day is like. I am willing to bet they have no clue and have never suffered much pain at all. On paper it looks a bit reasonable. In reality it sucks. It damages your spirit. It damages everything. It completely changes your life. Yet our medical profession seems to think it is 100% fine and dandy to leave someone in that amount of pain. Too many doctors have no clue about what chronic pain feels like. They have no clue on how it impacts every little thing about your life. It is past the time when they had some compassion for those of us who live with chronic pain and it is past time they changed their medical protocols to take into account how damaging it is over time to allow someone to experience this amount of pain.