1
If there was a point in life when I was ever truly happy, I dont remember it.
I grew up feeling the effects of the abuse that my mother suffered as a child. Drug addiction, mental instability, promiscuity, they all hurt me in some way.
I remember her standing over me, screaming incoherently and slapping me because I couldnt find the right button on the VCR. I remember hiding in the closet with my little sister as my mother and her boyfriend fought violently, screaming, throwing things at each other. All DCF did was take us away from her, and give us to the people who made her that way.
2
I grew up with people telling me that it was my own fault. They knew that my grandfather and I didnt get along, and they knew that we got into fights, but they didnt know all the things he did to me. They didnt know that he had his hand on my throat, or that he had punched me, or called me faggot and did everything he could to make me feel worthless. They didnt know. Still, they felt the need to comment, saying that I just didnt know when to keep my mouth shut, that I just liked to "push his button" and get him "riled up." That man started a fight almost every single day of my life while I lived with him, even if it was over something so small as him not being able to find the remote. If ever I tried asking my grandmother for help, she just brushed me off and said that she had too much stress from work, that she "didnt need to come home to that bullshit." I even convinced myself that there was just something wrong with me, and asked my grandmother to take me to therapy. She wouldnt.
3
I was baker acter just earlier this year (2015) because i confessed to my father (who hadnt really been a consistent part of my life) that I had thoughts of killing my grandfather and pinning it on my grandmother, because of everything they had done. He went to the police and asked them to take me to LifeStream (a mental facility and therapy center.) He says he did this because he knew that I had asked my grandmother to take me to therapy and she refused. Being that the state Im in still has the Electric Chair, he thought it would be best to have me baker acted before I ended up getting myself electrocuted. That being said, I had a cop show up at my house after 10pm, slap me in handcuffs and drag me off to the looney bin in my underwear.
4
I now live with my mother.
Its a complicated matter, but we're on good terms now.
My grand mother is denying that any abuse ever occurred in her house, and that I ever asked her for help. Much like she did to my mother. When DCF's investigation determined that several of my grandmothers husbands had abused her children, and that she had failed to protect them, my grandmother defended those men and called my mother a bitch and a lying whore.