Owasso, OK:- In a bid to reduce the reckless behaviour of criminal shoppers, Wal-Mart has begun seeking the arrest and prosecution of those who are unwilling or unable to count.
"Our Express Lanes are for the convenience of our white customers", said Mr Farrell (Aged 55, white), manager of the local store. "If we allow our poorly educated black customers to use them for sixteen or seventeen items then we simply encourage a slide into lawlessness". Asked if any white customers had breached the request for no more than fifteen items, Mr Farrell acknowledged that some had. "They don't need to be arrested though, because this is Oklahoma and we don't do that here", he responded.
Mrs Jones (50, black) was one of those receiving the summons. "I had fifteen items in my cart", she said, "but lil' Damon grabbed some candy from the display right there next to the checkout. What was I to do?".
When reached for comment, the local Sheriff was quick to point out that all those people had to learn to do was "Obey". "If they do as they are told, don't run or answer back, everyone is happy. This is a small town and a happy one. We can't have those people spoiling it for the rest of us". "We are not racist", he added, "If we get reports of white folk behaving this way we will have a stern word with them".
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Of course none of the above happened. It is not real, it is snark. It is a parody that borrows from the phrase reductio ad absurdum. We do not operate like this. Wal-Mart does not put up those signs to criminalize their customers. Indeed, Wal-Mart does not even allow its checkout staff to impose those strictures. Specifically, Wal-Mart staff are expressly forbidden from drawing attention to the fact that some of their customers cannot count.
They put up those signs in the correct belief that most folk would simply be too embarrassed to breach the rule by more than a couple of items or so. In the case of a flagrant breach in the protocol, they simply accept that some folk are just rude.
So it should be for School Graduation Ceremonies. Alas, it is not, apparently. There is not a person in the world that will persuade me that zero white families cheered for their kid in the linked article. I have been to graduations, and folk, regardless of race, sometimes just cannot hold it in. Whatever .... grin, and get on with it. Most folk heard and will abide by the request to remain quiet, and that is all that is required.