“Another Yin-Yang-Yuan Butterfly TransGender-Symbol” “Symbol of the Day – Transgender – April 4, 2006”
The Indiana
RFRA stirred up a hornets nest of which some people may not be aware. There are some people in Indiana who are ‘acting a fool’, again. My sister is at greater risk on many levels and for many reasons because of the RFRA.
I know when it is time to speak out on the behalf of my sister. This is not our first rodeo.
This is a diary I am writing from my perspective as a “big sister” and in a language some people who are native to Indiana, I am confident, will understand. Simply put, I am not mincing too many words because this matter is not all business, it is also expressly personal.
My sister and I are from a small town in Indiana. We are bi-racial and grew up “poor”. We were not raised in the same household which, in many ways, made us closer. As children and adults, my sister and I lived in various areas/regions of Indiana over the years. My sister is still a resident in Indiana. I have not lived in Indiana for quite some time.
Al Pacino portrays Michael Corleone in The God Father: III
“Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in.” -Micheal Corleone
This quote is the first thought that came to my mind when Indiana Governor, Mike (I just kiss the ring) Pence, sounded the mighty loud dog whistle called the RFRA. The “fix” did not unsound the whistle nor can the “fix” put the intention of the original wording back into the proverbial tube of toothpaste. Every covert, overt, politically correct and non-politically correct, prejudiced, racist, bigot heard loud and clear the call to action, particularly in the small towns. What did they hear? It is open season on the LGBT community; you won’t get in that much if any trouble now! My sister confirmed by phone to me what I already knew was going to happen.
Since the RFRA and the supposed "fix", my sister reports that the public verbal taunting and shaming she receives (which was quelled a bit prior to RFRA) is now on full blast. There are local establishments that appeared to be tolerant in the past, but not too many these days. Public places and spaces that used to be LGBT friendly grow less friendly. Recently, my sister was denied services from a few places of business. I do not know if the worst is over or is yet to come. Historically speaking, I do know being called “it” and being publicly humiliated and shamed may exacerbate my sister’s condition. I know slurs made against my sister may very well evolve into physical violence against her at any time, with quickness.
My sister is not an “it”, she is a human being who experiences a condition termed gender dysphoria.
There is a lot more information available today about gender dysphoria than there was some forty odd years ago. For instance, a person may be transgender and not experience gender dysphoria. Lamdalegal.org provides the following information regarding gender dysphoria:
Gender Dysphoria is a medical diagnosis recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), which is the American Psychiatric Association’s (APA) encyclopedia of official diagnoses, as "[T]he distress that may accompany the incongruence between one's experienced or expressed gender and one's assigned gender." The World Health Organization’s International Classification of Diseases (ICD) recognizes that Gender Dysphoria (formerly called Gender Identity Disorder, or GID) is “characterized by a persistent and intense distress about assigned sex, together with a desire to be, or insistence that one is, of the other sex.”
The American Medical Association (AMA) established in a 2008 resolution that Gender Dysphoria (then GID) is a “serious medical condition” with symptoms including “distress, dysfunction, debilitating depression and, for some people without access to appropriate medical care and treatment, suicidality and death.”
In 2013, Gender Dysphoria replaced the diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder in the DSM. The APA explained that "Replacing 'disorder' with 'dysphoria' in the diagnostic label is not only more appropriate and consistent with familiar clinical sexology terminology, it also removes the connotation that the patient is 'disordered.'" The APA said it was concerned that completely 'removing the condition as a psychiatric diagnosis--as some had suggested--would jeopardize access to care... Many of the treatment options for this condition include counseling, cross-sex hormones, gender reassignment surgery, and social and legal transition to the desired gender. To get insurance coverage for the medical treatments, individuals need a diagnosis."
This information is offered by Webmd.com regarding gender dysphoria and explains more about the distress experienced:
People who have gender dysphoria feel strongly that they are not the gender they physically appear to be. For example, a person who has a penis and all other physical traits of a male might feel instead that he is actually a female. That person would have an intense desire to have a female body and to be accepted by others as a female. Or, someone with the physical characteristics of a female would feel her true identity is male.
Feeling that your body does not reflect your true gender can cause severe distress, anxiety, and depression. "Dysphoria" is a feeling of dissatisfaction, anxiety, and restlessness. With gender dysphoria, the discomfort with your male or female body can be so intense that it can interfere with the way you function in normal life, for instance at school or work or during social activities.
Gender dysphoria used to be called “gender identity disorder.” But the mismatch between body and internal sense of gender is not a mental illness. Instead, what need to be addressed are the stress, anxiety, and depression that go along with it.
The distress may manifest in various ways during various developmental stages and ages. The distress may manifest as anxiety and/or depression and possibly there may be a growing dissatisfaction with one’s anatomy because it is not in harmony with the gender by which one identifies in the heart and mind. The distress can be so intense that it may become debilitating and one is unable to function properly at school, work, or social activities.
Webmd.com relays the following information regarding diagnosed, untreated, and treatment of gender dysphoria:
Undiagnosed or Untreated Gender Dysphoria
Diagnosis and treatment are important. People with gender dysphoria have higher rates of mental health conditions. Some estimates say that 71% of people with gender dysphoria will have some other mental health diagnosis in their lifetime. That includes mood disorders, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, and suicide attempts.
Treatment
The goal is not to change how the person feels about his or her gender. Instead, the goal is to deal with the distress that may come with those feelings.
Talking with a psychologist or psychiatrist is part of any treatment for gender dysphoria. "Talk" therapy is one way to address the mental health issues that this condition can cause.
It would be over a quarter of a century before my sister received a diagnosis, proper medical care and treatment. Now we know, the distress for my sister began as a toddler and continued to develop throughout the years.
My sister dressed in female clothes (on the down low) after school and on weekends for a couple of years prior to the age of 14. It was at this age in the 8th grade; my sister adamantly decided and asserted that she would no longer dress in male clothing to attend school. The first day she attended school in female clothes would be her last day attending school. My sister’s education was put on a screeching and indefinite halt. There were no schools or GED programs that allowed her to participate in female clothes.
My mom took my sister to the doctor not because my mom thought she gave birth to an “it”, but because her child was in agony and anguish, and my mom was searching for answers and relief for her child, my sister. After a series of tests and blood work, the doctor told my mom that my sister possesses more female hormones than male hormones. This was more information than we previously knew, but it is the only information the doctor offered-- except for a snide remark that maybe when my sister got older, if she saved her money, she could get “one of those sex change operations or something".
Any townspeople who may not have known or heard about my sister dressing in female clothes, now, knew or heard, and took their positions. My sister’s peers, some of our family members, and society in general were most cruel to my sister. There were a few of her peers who showed empathy and remained her friend but most did not. Some of our family members stopped speaking to her, denied being related to her, or pretended she never existed. It was at this time anxiety and depression took hold of my sister. The panic attacks begin. The doctors are doing nothing. My sister runs away, and I understood in many ways why she did.
One of the reasons my sister ran away is because our first cousin was beat down and left in a ditch to die. Our first cousin wears false teeth (since 17 years old) as a result of being repeatedly punched and kicked on his head for defending my sister. One of the reasons my sister ran away is because she thought if she could go where no one knew, things might be different and maybe, she could get a job and go to school. Life so did not go that way.
One of the aspects of gender dysphoria is that there may be a lot of guilt and shame that takes place in one’s mind about the body’s appearance not matching the gender by which one identifies inside one’s heart and mind. This is a factor in the anxiety and depression, as well as, dealing with the shame and guilt projected onto an individual from external forces. My sister was left to manage this double edged conflict with diagnosis and no proper medical care or treatment. In essence, she was left to figure out her distress and manage her distress on her own, and she didn’t even know what needed figured out to manage, none of us did.
For my sister, this translated into years of switching back and forth from dressing in male and female clothes. All the while, inwardly, still identifying as female no matter how she was dressed. Why would she switch back and forth? 1) Sometimes, she would feel guilty and experienced conflict for not identifying with the sex of her anatomy 2) Guilt and shame projected from others onto her from external forces 3) Societal pressures to conform 4) Acceptance 5) Reconciliation with those who rejected her. Now we know had my sister received proper diagnosis, medical care, and treatment; she may not have had to experience switching back and forth or the agony and anguish that comes with it- to the extent she did. Now we know, she needed medication, hormones, a psychiatrist, and a doctor- a team.
As it was, there were times my sister could at any moment anywhere have an anxiety attack, pass out, collapse, or go into seizure. There were times my sister would curl up in the fetal position and scream and ‘cry everyone hates me and wants me dead’. There are no words to express how it feels to watch your only sibling experience such turmoil and pain. The words: utterly helpless do not begin to suffice.
My sister would spend many years living from pillar to post as she tried to make sense of her life. My mom’s and my arms were open whenever she felt like staying with either of us for a spell. There was a time or two we had to snatch my sister out from situations gone south. My sister feels most comfortable with members of the LGBT community, and I understand why. If it were not for the added support of the LGBT community, my sister may have lived on the streets or ended up dead. Thank you LGBT community for looking out for my sister, and me.
There were not a lot of options for my sister to earn money. She did not have a GED, and she did not have an address of her own. The jobs she did get, whether dressed in male or female clothes, ended after a few months due to uncontrollable panic attacks and the like. These factors set up a perfect storm for substance abuse, additional mental and physical conditions and, from time to time, participation in a shadow economy in order to survive. (Yes, I know there are some people in Indiana that know exactly what is about to be ‘called out’.)
There are some people throughout Indiana who are quite vocal about why my sister and the LGBT community should not have equal protections under the law. Some of those people go around spouting hate speech and in the exact same breath tout morality. Then, in the very next breath, contact the shadow economy hotline and make appointments so they can pay to exploit, for their own personal gratification, human beings they call “it” and “freaks of nature” vocally at work and in their middle and upper class neighborhoods, or with their family and friends. Some of those people call themselves “in love” with the people they call “it” yet pay to exploit. On so many levels and in so many ways, this is abusive and predatory behavior. Pardon me but, pot calling kettle, pray tell… What is up with that?
To these and similarly like-minded folk, please: Stop hating on my sister and the LGBT community because you do not have the courage to be true with or true to yourself, in private or in public. Your behaviors point to your own lack of character and lack of integrity, and speak volumes with regard to your own lack of self-awareness. Stop spewing out hate on others because you hate your own life, and so much so, you pay to exploit others so that you can ‘feel some type of way’ about yourself.
Here is another one of my points of contention: My maternal grandmother was a recipient of the Distinguished Hoosier Award. This award as described by Studio Indiana:
The Distinguished Hoosier award is one of the highest tributes given out by the State of Indiana to its citizens. It is solely granted at the discretion of the Governor to Hoosiers who have uniquely brought admiration and respect to the state through their character and accomplishments.
My grandmother worked as an advocate for countless battered women, homeless people, and for civil rights which included equal protection under the law for the LGBT community. My grandmother is ‘turning over in her gave’ behind the ramifications and implications of the RFRA. What a slap in the face to all those people in Indiana who dedicated and risked their lives to build inclusive and tolerant bridges. Now, because of the RFRA, some of those bridges are on a slow burn.
Blocking people from an education, employment, the restroom, housing, medical care, and treatment, and using religion as a means to justify discrimination, prejudiced, and bigotry is nothing new. It is a strategy from the divide and conquer playbook. It is a sure fire way to muddy and manipulate the political waters, mislead, hurt, or damage many people while basically implying God wants you to do it. But, some people in Indiana, who know better than to participate in such deception, insist on going
there anyway.
OK… for a moment, I will go there with you. After all, I was raised in Indiana. I graduated from one of Indiana’s “premier and prestigious” religiously founded small conservative private universities. I have attended, worked for, worked with, hundreds of black and white churches of various denominations, and numerous faith based initiatives throughout the state of Indiana. Let’s go there in a language you type folk profess to understand. I see you… I am neither ashamed nor afraid. I’ll take the bait. Let’s go there.
To those people in Indiana masquerading as angels of light and spreading confusion, some of you have not always been this way; you were not raised to act this way. Have you forgotten what we learned at church camp, youth group, Vacation Bible School, and events like ICYC? I was probably sitting not too far from some of you at some of those functions, services, and events. I bet some of you watched Timothy Church Mouse on television Sunday mornings before church just like me. We may have held hands, sang, prayed and cried together.
Do you happen to remember that we learned people do not have the authority to pick out who goes to hell, to love people not judge or persecute or lie on people? Were you listening to the parts where God does not show favoritism, whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, and God is not mocked? What about the song we sang about Jesus loves all the little children of the world, no matter the color? Were your hearts secretly as hard then as they appear to be now? Surely, not all of you, have forgotten what we learned together… what happened? Maybe, when I lived in Indiana all those years ago and we shared these experiences together, and I thought we were on the same page; maybe the Lord was actually preparing a table before me in the presence of my enemies, so I could recognize how to tell truth from lies while walking through the valley of the shadow of death, a place where your type seem purposed to keep me and my sister. Where your type speaks death; my sister and I counter, and speak life.
Read this closely: In the first Avengers movie, there is a mischievous character named Loki. With equal parts of sarcasm and sincerity, as Loki and his brother observe the sheer chaos of a war Loki starts for his own personal gain; Loki’s brother asks him if he really believes the war ends with him (Loki) “on top”. If you have not seen the movie, Loki does not end up “on top”. He is defeated, captured, and taken away in shackles. Now, some of you Hoosiers learned with me that the evil one started a war with God when he rebelled against God. We were taught that the evil one does not end up “on top” after the war. We learned Christ conquered death, hell, and the grave, and that, the evil one is ultimately cast into a lake of fire. Therefore, I submit the following two queries to those people masquerading as angels of light or dangling/straddling on the fence thereof: Do you really want to gain the whole world at the expense of others and at the cost of your own soul? Do you really believe that you can out smart God and end up "on top"? Think about it. Pray on it; ask for divine revelation and conviction.
Governor Pence, I apologize for referring to you as Governor Mike (I just kiss the ring) Pence… but… really? All the shady dealings behind closed doors, and you really thought your actions in the dark would not come to the light? Indianapolis former majors had to send you a letter in code to ask you, in so many words, what in the world you are doing to the state.
I propose you are blindly following the orders of men masquerading as angels of light, and that these men are the men with whom you choose to place your faith; in order to reach a self-serving goal. You signed off on opening Pandora’s Box trying to please these men and to achieve your self-seeking goal. The plan backfired. Because you stored up your treasures on earth at the expense of your faith and others; could it be as consequence that for doing so, moth and dust, were all along, destroying your chances for a 2016 Presidential bid and any other ambitious and lofty plans, you thought, were in your future.
Furthermore, the PR money allocated to clean up RFRA’s spilled milk, may have served better if it were allocated to assist the citizens in southern Indiana dealing with the AIDS Outbreak which is now a debacle under your leadership and direction. The PR funds may have served better allocated to assisting citizens who are transgender and/or experience gender dysphoria; and who do not have access to proper medical care and treatment for their conditions or substance abuse issues, or are homeless, desire education, or are attacked. Those are citizens who could have benefited from those PR allocated funds. These are just two meaningful options that might begin to salvage your image and that of the state. As it is, the emperor is walking around 'blind as a bat' and ‘naked as a jay bird’. By the way, did you know some folk are calling Indianapolis a ‘Gotham City’ with no Batman? Your citizens need water and you offer vinegar?
David Letterman (an Indiana native) and I shared the exact same thought... there is going to be “a mass exodus of people leaving Indiana”, behind this mess. In many ways, on many levels, for many citizens, this presents one heck of a “crossroads” “back home in Indiana”.
Today, my sister does receive proper medical care and treatment, no longer switches back and forth from male to female clothes, is identified as female on her state identification, and is enrolled in online classes at a community college. I am convinced a diagnosis, proper medical care, and treatment were critical turning points in her life. Then sounds the dog whistle RFRA rolling back the hands of time with haunting echoes of threats from the past. My sister is not the only one caught in between the cross-hairs.
Be strong and of good courage my friends. The down low drama that is RFRA may be unfolding in similar ways in a community unbeknownst and near to you.
In closing, my sister does not need laws that discriminate against her because she experiences a condition termed gender dysphoria. My sister does need protection under the law from discrimination.
My sister is not an “it”. My sister is a human being.
A Poem Untitled
My world was gray and I did not know
Exactly what direction I should go
I receive from others less love more hate
Telling me not to judge while I'm judged out the gate
My choice is to love through the hate
From God's love, no one or thing can make me separate
To some extent don't we all struggle with dichotomy
I am not an it - I am a human being - I am just me