At this point in the 2016 election cycle, I felt that I should go down the list of candidates and give my opinions. Because I started with the Republican candidates, here are my opinions regarding the Democratic Party's entrants.
First, here are their similarities:
a. They don’t like the fact that the top fraction of the income bracket makes more than all the rest – combined.
b. They’re cool with marriage equality – in Clinton’s case she sort of ‘evolved’ into that, while Sanders has been advocating gay rights for a while.
c. They advocate sensible immigration solutions, and would work to find some way to ameliorate the changes in climate.
d. They’re good with Obamacare, although a couple would like to expand it to a single-payer system.
Done? Good! Let’s meet the candidates!
Joe Biden: Incumbent Vice President, and hasn’t declared if he’ll run – yet. Getting on a bit, prone to jamming both feet in his piehole with almost Pinkie Pie levels of randomness, but with Derpy levels of endearing innocence. Quite basically, he’s America’s Prince Phillip. Has suffered a number of personal tragedies. He may not run, but if he does, he’ll be generally to the right of Clinton (although a strong Sanders run may put the entire field through some terrible changes before the convention).
Lincoln Chafee: The last liberal Republican Senator from the Northeast part of the country, later an Independent, then Democratic Governor of Rhode Island. His positions on any number of issues are guaranteed to piss off someone all along the political spectrum – he’s pro-choice, pro-gun control, anti-death penalty, pro-photo ID for voting, etc. His major issues are lack of any real name recognition outside of the Northeast, and as a moderate populist he’s a bit too centrist to appeal to the wider population.
Hillary Clinton: I’m sticking my head in the guillotine here, as most of what I’ll say will piss off at least one person who reads this. Clinton is a former First Lady, former Senator from NY (after fending off repeated cries of ‘reverse carpetbagging’ – nothing like teabagging, though), and Secretary of State under Obama. Came this close to beating Obama for the nomination in 2008, but bowed out graciously rather than risk a deadlocked convention in Denver that year. Like most mainstream Democratic candidates, her positions are fairly right of center. The Republican conservatives have foamed at the mouth at the mere mention of her name, setting up manufactured scandal after manufactured scandal in an effort to discredit her. So far, the Benghazi investigations have spent a great deal of money, and the only scandal that’s surfaced was an email where a staffer complains he doesn’t know how to use a fax machine. Who, in this day and age, doesn’t know how to use a fax machine, I ask you. On a personal level, I feel that anyone who could have put up with Bill’s extramarital shenanigans without killing him in his sleep deserves a plus point just for patience. She comes across as pragmatic and focused – perhaps a bit too much.
Martin O’Malley: Who? Just kidding. Former Mayor of Baltimore, Governor of Maryland. Has been known to have Presidential ambitions, but isn’t as in-your-face about it as Christie of NJ or Perry of TX or Kasich of OH or Walker of WI. Favors gun control, immigration and an increased minimum wage. Hasn’t really screwed up as badly as any of the other governors I just cited, so far as I know.
Bernie Sanders: Hoo boy, an actual, dyed-in-the-wool social democrat. Advocated gay rights decades ago, has positions on everything that are at the Left-ward side of the Democratic Party. Independent, caucuses with the Dems. Largely dismissed as a harmless old crank, but has raised a crapton of money and recently drew a crowd of 10,000 for a rally in Milwaukee. Maintains the tradition of having progressive or socialist politicians coming out of various northern states (Vermont, New Hampshire, Wisconsin – Bob La Follette pere, anyone?). Sanders has enough good stances on popular positions to give Clinton a definite run for her money.
Jim Webb: Marine Corps officer, former Senator from Virginia, former Secretary of the Navy under Saint Ronnie. Has written articles and spoken out on income inequality, advocates gun ownership, and wrote and was executive producer for the movie Rules of Engagement. Has stuck his foot in his mouth a couple times recently, most notably after the Charleston shootings. His stance on women in the military (1979, "Women Can’t Fight") may get him in a bit of trouble if he hasn’t changed his views on the subject. Has a forehead the size of a Metalunan. My opinion? He’d make a decent Vice President, since we’ve already had one Reagan (and we still haven’t recovered from him).