From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Tick Tock Tick Tock...Ding! Oops, Too Late.
When last we checked in with the right-wing religious forces arrayed against the Supreme Court's ruling allowing same-sex couples to get religion-free marriage licenses down at religion-free City Hall, they were mustering the troops to reverse the decision within a rapidly-dwindling time frame:
According to the Court’s published rules, within 25 days of a ruling, a party can ask the Court for a rehearing if there are pertinent issues meriting appeal. The 25 day period to file for a rehearing expires on Tuesday, July 21. Opponents of same-sex marriage must contact the attorneys general for the four states that lost the Obergefell case, and ask them to apply immediately for a rehearing of the case.
Yesterday was Day 25, and their last opportunity to get
Obergefell v. Hodges reversed vanished in the ether. It made kind of a gentle
Fwoosh sound, according to witnesses. Too bad, so sad.
Now they're going to have to deal with this harsh reality as pointed out by Barney Frank in his weekly column at The Maine Sunday Telegram:
In the spirit of conciliation, I want to offer reassurance to those who reacted to the Supreme Court’s same-sex marriage decision with a mix of outrage and horror: It will have no effect on how you live your lives.
This is not a prediction of what will happen in the future. It is a distillation of the nearly 12 years of experience in Massachusetts since our Supreme Judicial Court issued the forerunner of this ruling in 2003. No member of the clergy has had to participate in any marriage she or he found sinful, immoral or even offensive. No house of worship has been forced to open any of its premises---sanctuaries, function halls or, as much as I can ascertain, even parking lots---for ceremonies that contravene their religious tenets.
Maybe one of these days it'll sink in. Until then, divorce and adultery will continue to be look-the-other-way-worthy sins in their world, while the union of two men or two women who meet, fall in love, and become a family united in love, fidelity and happiness will continue to be the one sure ticket to the end of civilization.
Because, in the infamous words of the Sarah Palin of florists: "It’s just a different kind of sin to me." I'd love to be a fly on the wall when God meets that backseat driver in the hereafter.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Note: In an effort to foster greater understanding, C&J is changing its tone from caustic to tart. The transition will be complete by mid-2017, and we expect minimal disruptions. Okay??!!! ---Mgt.
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10 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the
Ohio State Fair:
7
Days 'til the
Beach to Beacon 10k sack race:
10
Public support and opposition, respectively, in the U.S. for the agreement to limit Iran's nuclear program:
56%, 37%
(Source: ABC News-Washington Post poll)
Percent of Sunday morning network news show guests who were Hispanic in the first four months of 2015:
4%
(Source:
Media Matters)
Amount being spent on a new effort by physicist Stephen Hawking and billionaire Yuri Milner to search for life beyond our solar system:
$100 million
Month and year Garrison Keillor is officially retiring from
A Prairie Home Companion:
07/2016
Percent chance that the yahoos in Farmersville, Texas don’t want a Muslim cemetery in their town because apparently in the U.S. the term "religious freedom"
has a giant asterisk after it:
100%
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 180 (including and 3 False Christs and 1 case of blackmail against a gaggle of Supreme Court justices and their gay lovers). Soul Protection Factor 40 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day:
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CHEERS to today's edition of The Runaway Frontrunner of the Republican Primary Field Said What???
Lindsey's phone was
ringin' off the hook.
"So, Lindsey Graham says to me, 'Please, please, whatever you can do. You know, I'm saying to myself, what's this guy, a beggar? He's like begging me to help him with 'Fox and Friends.'
So, I say, 'Okay, and I'll mention your name.' He said, 'Could you mention my name?' I said, 'Yes, I'll mention…and he gave me his number, and I found the card. I wrote the number down. I don't know if it's the right number. Let's try it."
This has been today's edition of
The Runaway Frontrunner of the Republican Primary Field Said What??? Sponsored by your friends at the Democratic National Committee.
JEERS to the latest pasty face on the dartboard. Yesterday Governor Mike Huckabee Rick Perry Chris Christie Scott Walker John Kasich became the 16th Republican to declare his candidacy for president. (Just four more GOP announcements and we all get a free round of putt-putt golf.) Here are his fun facts:
Kasich as Hitler. Found on
conservative web site Mofo.
Age: 63
Home state: Ohio
Billionaire benefactors: Um…he's workin' on that.
Central campaign theme: I'm governor of the swingiest swing state in all of Swingy Land.
Voter base: Republicans with swing-state fixations?
Location of campaign announcement: Ohio State University, Columbus
John Kasich fun fact: During a speech in 2011, he flew into a rage over getting pulled over by a police officer whom he called "idiot" several times. Just the kind of temperament we need from the guy who would control the red button marked "Don't Get Mad, Get Nukular."
Kasich says he plans to offer the nation a style of governing called "compassionate conservatism." Because that worked out so well the last time.
JEERS to a very crowded bench. Did you hear about this? By a vote of 70-20, the Senate rejected the president's proposal to enlarge the Supreme Court by six justices. His plan was denounced as "court-packing" by critics, and we agree. Shaaaaame on you, Mr. President! FDR, that is...July 22, 1937. Nice try, sir, but the thought of 15 Scalias makes my knees wobble.
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Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man. Over at Politico, Colin Woodard looks at the increasingly bizarre and self-destructive behavior of Maine's tea party governor and asks: Is Paul LePage overplaying his hand or no longer playing with a full deck?
Yes.
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
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CHEERS to the man who wanted to be #43, but thankfully wasn't. World War II veteran, Former Senate Majority Leader and 1996 GOP presidential contender (we'll skip his Viagra stint, if you don’t mind) Bob Dole marks the 53rd anniversary of his 39th birthday today. He once said, "If you're hanging around with nothing to do and the zoo is closed, come over to the Senate. You'll get the same kind of feeling and you won't have to pay." But he topped that a couple years back with a bit of candor that wasn't exactly appreciated within his team's ranks:
Bob Dole is on the...right?
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“Could people like Bob Dole, even Ronald Reagan---could you make it in today’s Republican Party?” host Chris Wallace asked Dole. “I doubt it,” Dole said. “Reagan wouldn’t have made it. Certainly, Nixon couldn’t have made it, because he had ideas and…we might have made it, but I doubt it.”
The 1996 presidential nominee [said] his party should close up shop until it’s figured things out. “I think they ought to put a sign on the national committee doors that says ‘closed for repairs’ until New Year’s Day next year and spend that time going over ideas and positive agendas.”
We hope he enjoys his 92 percent discount at Denny's. Because if he was expecting sanity from his party as his gift, ain't gonna happen.
CHEERS to juicy rumors. I guess MSNBC is planning a shakeup tomorrow. Everything at the left-leaning network is potentially on the block, except of course for right-leaning Morning Joe. (And, in fairness, I imagine Rachel is safe.) But the big news is that we might see the return of none other than Keith Olbermann! C&J thinks this is fantastic news…mainly because it gives us all the excuse we need to pull out the best Olbermann parody video ever:
And now my own special comment: "Goody."
"And the Grammy
goes to..."
CHEERS to purty rhymin' wurds. On this date in 1893,
Katherine Lee Bates---a college-educated, latte-slurping Cape Cod liberal elitist---wrote the poem
America the Beautiful after visiting an
inspiring spot:
One day some of the other teachers and I decided to go on a trip to 14,000-foot Pikes Peak. We hired a prairie wagon. Near the top we had to leave the wagon and go the rest of the way on mules. I was very tired. But when I saw the view, I felt great joy. All the wonder of America seemed displayed there, with the sea-like expanse.
It was later set to the hymn
"Materna" by Samuel Ward. But only because Snoop Dogg wanted ten million bucks for the rights to
"We Just Wanna Party with You."
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 22, 2005
JEERS to Don Rumsfeld. Morale is getting lower in the military, so what does the head of our military have to say about it? Hey, it's the Army's fault, not mine:
Of all the Bush-era neocons,
he's still the soundest sleeper.
The Army report indicates that troop morale is suffering due to lengthy deployments. One would expect the Secretary of Defense who sent the soldiers into war to now step up and take accountability, right?
“I’ve tried to get the Army to look at the length of the tours and I think at some point down the road they will,” Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld told a briefing.
You're right, Don. Bad, bad army. You should all come home
right now and report for KP duty stateside.
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And just one more…
JEERS to the AS SEEN ON TV! Candidate. Apparently taking his cues from the director of the ShamWow! and Miracle Chopper ads, the presidential candidate who hails from Kentucky showed up yesterday in a campaign ad that starts with: "Hey, I'm Rand Paul." And, hey, it goes downhill from there:
There are three things wrong with this ad. 1) It's beneath the dignity of the presidency 2) His flat-tax idea would cost the country somewhere in the neighborhood of $15 trillion, according to Rolling Stone and 3) "Hey, I'm Rand Paul" is an insulting opening line. It's "Hey, I'm DOCTOR Rand Paul." For sloppiness like that, Dr. Rand Paul, you need to fire that incompetent hack on your campaign staff whose name, I believe, is Rand Paul. And, hey, the sooner the better.
Have a summerlike Wednesday. (I like giving out easy assignments...so sue me. Suing me is also an easy assignment. See what I mean?) Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"I'm totally fine. I've got nothing wrong with me. There's a small depression in my board and my leg wrap was bitten. I'm just totally tripping out. To walk away from the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool, I'm just so stoked. Oh man."
---Surfer Mick Fanning
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