This diary is a response to the ever increasing racist bile I have recently observed, not only in this country, but also in this progressive community. In order to reiterate my response, I am utilizing selected music from the past- some of which may be familiar to readers and some may not. Why use music to help me express my response? Because music enhances words, and music can make words come to life in HD by audibly illustrating feelings.
There are lyrics provided under each video for those who do not have time to listen or watch each music selection before continuing to read. However, this diary is designed to provide a reading and listening experience for the reader. Without the music, the experience dramatically changes and some of what I am trying to convey may not be as readily understood.
Hop onto the orange carpet below, and take ride with me- a black lady who came from "the hood" and (as some people sometimes condescendingly say) “made good”.
There was racial tension in this progressive community prior to the protest at NN, but since that event, some rather surprisingly true colors have been revealed. It is bad enough what is transpiring in the real world, but to come on here and read comments calling black sisters twits and popinjays, and after reading a whole bunch of other HR’ed comments filled with ugly… Well let’s just say, like Marvin Gaye, I am asking/wondering/considering “What’s Going On”.
Mother, mother
There's too many of you crying
Brother, brother, brother
There's far too many of you dying
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today - Ya
Father, father
We don't need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today
Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me, so you can see
Oh, what's going on
What's going on
Ya, what's going on
Ah, what's going on
In the mean time
Right on, baby
Right on
Right on
Mother, mother, everybody thinks we're wrong
Oh, but who are they to judge us
Simply because our hair is long
Oh, you know we've got to find a way
To bring some understanding here today
Oh
Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me
So you can see
What's going on
Ya, what's going on
Tell me what's going on
I'll tell you what's going on - Uh
Right on baby
Right on baby
Rapper Tu Pac Shakur along with Bruce Hornsby and the Range, they knew then, what I am talking about and observing now. There is a part of me that thinks this racist crap is just “The Way It Is” and there is another part of me that says no, I cannot let myself believe that- it can be different, it should be different. But, we got to go through "Changes".
The following video must be viewed if none others- the lyrics are in the video as well as commentary from Malcolm X and Dr. King.
I begin to further examine the status of this country’s current racist condition. I think about the racial abuse me and other Black people and POC of color experience in this country and in this progressive community. Much like Kirk Franklin and Stevie Wonder, I just keep coming back to “Why”.
I pledge allegiance to the (tell me what we gon' do)
I used to know you but (you don't call like you used to)
If you still love me can I
(give me a chance just to say how I feel, it may hurt you but what I'm seeing is real)
We're killing babies and (I love to see children play)
I've got depression (there's a new pill I saw today)
How hypocritical to
(nothing is wrong take a picture and just smile money's coming after while)
[Chorus 1]
Why Oh Why [2x] we keep believing lies, did Laci have to die
Why Oh Why, Lord tell me when our change is gon' come
[Verse 2]
There are no fathers and (the system's holding me down)
Sisters are dying of AIDS (I know my man don't sleep around)
Don't be stupid listen (we all gon' die. And since you only live once, you do you, you go head, live your life)
We're building churches but (my pastor is on TV)
But are we building people (I filed for divorce last week)
We're wasting money tell me (why should I save? Let me have my worldly things; God said He'll supply my needs)
(that ain't what he means)
[Chorus 2]
Why Oh Why [2x] can't our soldiers come back home
It seems like innocence is gone
Are people still losing their jobs
We're spending money building bombs
[Bridge]
Free, I just wanna be free
[Verse 3]
Wake up no more sleeping (seems like my life ain't gon' change)
Let's stop making excuses (I pray but things still stay the same)
See Jesus said that He will (please take this pain, I can't make it on my own, ain't no sunshine when
You're gone)
(2 nd Why)
Why oh Why [4x] Don't we give you a chance
Put our life in Your hands
Are we afraid to say Your name
Is it because we want the fame
Did my homeboy have to take his life
That homeless man's outside tonight
When trouble comes we wanna pray
Our country pushes You away
Then, the neo-soul artist Raheem Devaughn and rapper Ludacris, they break down to me their prospective on why. They tell me we are all living like we’re “Bulletproof”.
Load It, Cock It, Aim and Shoot
Load It, Cock It, Aim and Shoot
Living like we bulletproof
We bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang
I say we load it, cock it, aim and shoot
Oh we load it, cock it, aim and shoot
Some will die over oil kill over land
Charge you for taxes and Blame Uncle Sam
Read you your rights and charge you for nothing
Now who’s really gangsta
And tell me who’s frontin’
Murder your sons, ravage your daughters
Here overseas and across the waters
Tanks and missiles, bombs and grenades
Inject the land with guns and aids
You better pray to the most high or who ever you praise
Politicians can’t help you they puppets to slaves
Trying to get paid and you are too
Whatcha gone do when the gun is pointed at you
Like bank robbers
Living like we bulletproof
We bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang
We load it, cock it, aim and shoot
(load it, cock it, aim and shoot)
We load it, cock it, aim and shoot
(We gone die)
Living like we bulletproof
We bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang
(I say) We load it, cock it, aim and shoot
(load it, cock it, aim and shoot)
Oh we load it, cock it, aim and shoot
Hey world
Get you a paper turn on the news
Ride through the hood I witness the blues
How can you ignore it it’s easy to spot it
A trap house, a liquor store and your city’s got it
And my city’s got it, and they city’s got it
This world is chaotic and love is symbolic
So life don’t get cherished, and our babies perish
And your babies perish now tell me who’s careless
Now who should I pray to what should I pray for
You can’t pay the preacher for your redemption
I know where we’re headed, I already read it
The good book done said it
Like cowboys and Indians
We just living like we bulletproof
We bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang
We load it, cock it, aim and shoot
(load it, cock it, aim and shoot)
We load it, cock it, aim and shoot
(We gone die, living)
Living like we bulletproof
We bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang
(I say) We load it, cock it, aim and shoot
(load it, cock it, aim and shoot)
Oh we load it, cock it, aim and shoot
(We gone die, living)
[Ludacris]
Luda! they say tomorrow’s not promised today
But today I promise if we don’t make our own way
Somebody’ll take it from us
Snatch it like rats to cheese
So, lord help me please cause I rather die
on my feet than to live on my knees
Living like I’m bulletproof
Xocking the glock and aim n shoot
My future’s ever clear a 180 proof
So I open the bottle then swallow my pride
And drink the pain away
I take shots and just lay up then fade away
Dreaming of betta days dreaming of betta pay
But we got our work cut out for us so we betta pray
Pray to uphold the week, not for eternal sleep
But if I die I pray the lord my soul to keep
[Raheem DeVaughn]
Living like we bulletproof
We bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang
I say we load it, cock it, aim and shoot
(I say I load it, cock it, aim and shoot)
We load it, cock it, aim and shoot
(We load it, cock it, aim and shoot)
Living like we bulletproof
we bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang
I say we load it, cock it, aim and shoot
(Load it, cock it, aim and shoot)
We load it, cock it, aim and shoot
(Oh lord)
Living like we bulletproof
Raheem and Luda's prospective takes me to a place where I begin to think about how many Black people and POC are confined to racially inspired segregated communities with limited or no access to resources or opportunities- purposed by design. Black people and POC sentenced to what Joe Sample and Lalah Hathaway poignantly describe as “Street Life”.
I still hang around
Neither lost nor found
Hear the lonely sound
Of music in the night
Nights are always bright
That's all that's left for me, yeah
I play the street life because there's no place I can go
Street life, it's the only life I know
Street life and there's a thousand cards to play
Street life, until you play your life away
You let the people see
Just who you wanna be
And every night you sang
Just like a superstar
The type of life that's played
A temptin' masquerade
You dress and walk and talk
You're who you think you are
Street life, you can run away from time
Street life, for a nickel, for a dime
Street life, but you better not get old
Street life, or you're gonna feel the cold
There's always love for sale
A grown up fairy tale
Prince charming always smiles
Behind a silver spoon
And if you keep it young
Your song is always sung
Your love will pay your way
Beneath the silver moon
Street life
Street life
Street life
Oh, street life
I play the street life because there's no place I can go
Street life, it's the only life I know
Street life and there's a thousand cards to play
Street life, until you play your life away
You let the people see
Just who you wanna be
And every night you sang
Just like a superstar
The type of life that's played
A temptin' masquerade
You dress and walk and talk
You're who you think you are
Street life, you can run away from time
Street life, for a nickel, for a dime
Street life, but you better not get old
Street life, or you're gonna feel the cold
There's always love for sale
A grown up fairy tale
Prince charming always smiles
Behind a silver spoon
And if you keep it young
Your song is always sung
Your love will pay your way
Beneath the silver moon
Street life
Street life
Street life
Oh, street life
Oh, street life
Yeah, street life
Street life
Oh, street life
Contrary to the way street life is glamorized on the one hand and demonized on the other by MSM and dominate culture, street life is not a party all the time, this is my first choice as a career, good time for all of those confined in it. For many, hope is dangling or dead. I do not know why, but it is difficult for some people to understand how for decades Black people and POC have been slurred by politicians, MSM news outlets, and most recently the blog-o-spheres on the internet, as thugs and welfare queens and numerous other vile things. The poison of racism pumps freely through America’s veins. All the while, racist oppression purposefully continues to sequester Black people and POC inside of dilapidated one-way in one-way out ghettos.
How do people disconnect with the emotional and psychological toll this takes on an individual’s self-worth, hopes, and dreams? When a person is inside that kind of confinement and experiencing verbal racist abuse, does it not make sense that the forest tends to get lost behind the trees? Do it not make sense that it is close to impossible to see, believe, or even know there is a bigger picture. Especially when, all there is to typically see are boarded up cement buildings and all there is to hear is you do not know how to act or you are not worth a dime because you are lazy?
Lalah and Joe described street life. The group City High gives us an in your face look at what it is live to have to live it- and pose the question “What Would You Do”.
Boys and girls, wanna hear a true story?
Saturday night was at this real wild party
They had the liquor overflowin' the cup,
About 5 or 6 strippers trying to work for a buck
And I took one girl outside with me,
Her name was Lonnie, she went to Junior High with me,
I said, "Why you up in there dancing for cash?
I guess a whole lots changed since I seen you last."
She said...
[Chorus:]
What would you do if your son was at home
Crying all alone
On the bedroom floor,
Cause he's hungry and the only way to feed him is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money?
And his daddy's gone somewhere smokin' rock now,
In and out of lock down,
I ain't got a job now,
So for you this is just a good time
But for me this is what I call life
[2nd verse:]
Girl, you ain't the only one with a baby,
That's no excuse to be living all crazy
Then she looked me right square in the eye
And said, "Everyday I wake up hopin' to die,"
She said, "Nigga, I know about pain
'cause me and my sister ran away,
So my daddy couldn't rape us,
Before I was a teenager
I done been through more shit
You can't even relate to!"
[Chorus]
Hold up!
Then she said, what would you do?
Get up on my feet and let go off every excuse
What would you do?
'Cause I wouldn't want my baby to go through what I went through
C'mon, what would you do?
Get up on my feet, stop making tired excuses
What would you do?
Girl, I know if my mother can do it, baby, you can do it
Oooo, oooo, oooo
[Chorus]
What would you do if your son was at home,
Crying all alone on the bedroom floor
Cause he's hungry and the only way to feed him is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money?
And his daddy's gone somewhere smoking rock now,
In and out of lock down,
I ain't got a job now,
So for you this is just a good time
But for me this is what I call life,
Come on
[Chorus]
Generations of racist oppression by willful design breeds generations of poverty and hopelessness. Constant, continuous, consistent, negative characterizations of Black people and POC as welfare queens, loud and obnoxious, thugs, people deserving of brutality and death just because; are racist third party projections of self-fulling prophecies designed to make as many people as possible, from all stations and races, believe the characterizations are reality and solely the fault of individual defect.
There are many things about the Black experience and Black culture that are nuance. We try to communicate and explain these things over and over and over. There was a conversation here that said something to the effect of: I know that is what they (Black people) are saying, but I don’t believe them. Now, I am going to say what I have repeatedly said on here: If you dismiss what Black people and POC are saying about racism, then who and what is informing your personal construct of racism? Could it be white privilege?
I do not appreciate anyone on here trying to tell me what I know or do not know about my personal black experience and racism or telling me my black experience is false. Respect the proverbial intellectual blood shed from me and all the other Black people, POC, and our Allies which we offer in good faith and with great sacrifice- some of which you will never know or relate to.
Furthermore, Black people are not a monolith any more than the sky is green and the grass is blue. Sometimes we do not agree with each other- but that does not mean we do not understand, where those with whom we disagree, are coming from and why. Instead of trying to prescribe all of us to one script and trying re re-write it for our best interest, try just reading/listening to our scripts, and try to understand them and accept them at face value. Meet us at the point of our need, and not the point of your concerns.
The racist, insensitive, tone deaf, reactionary, knee jerk, diaries comments and rec’s I have observed in this progressive space, particularly since NN, revealed to me some people who said/say ally, are really not. When the going got rough, and the times got tough, some people became mute, bailed, or let it be known they were talking out of both sides of their neck all along. I know being an ally is not easy. It requires tough thick skin, and in some cases, a willingness to allow your heart to be challenged in uncomfortable ways- but growth hurts, hence the saying growing pains. Allies should not mirror the actions of fair weather friends.
Although there are distinctions between friends and allies, there are also similarities. Neither allies nor friends, turn their backs way or against each other when fighting a common because suddenly the cause gets a little too real and takes one out of their comfort zone. Some people are just hearing instead of listening or giving lip service instead of action. Neither friends nor allies say one thing at one time and something else at another; in order to appear to be what they perceive as diplomatic. In the fight against racial injustice and the centuries long systematic killing of Black people and POC- neutral does not equal ally it equals siding with the oppressor.
People of like attainment draw toward one another, so if you say or think you are not what I describe as being a false ally, I submit as does the singing group TLC, “What About Your Friends”.
Every now and then I get a little crazy
That's not the way it's supposed to be
Sometimes my vision is a little hazy
I can't tell who I should trust or just who I let trust me (yeah)
People try to say I act a little funny
But that's just a figure of speech to me
They tell me I changed because I got money
But if you were there before then you're still down with me
[Chorus:]
What about your friends
Will they stand their ground
Will they let you down again
What about your friends are they gonna be low down
Will they ever be around or will they turn their backs on you
Well is it me or can it be I'm a little too
Friendly so to speak hypothetically
Say I supply creativity to what others
Must take as a form of self-hate
Only to make an enemy
Which results in unfortunate destiny
They dog me out then be next to me
Just cause I am what some choose to envy
Every now and then I get a little easy
I let a lot of people depend on me
I never thought they would ever deceive me
Don't you know when times got rough I was standing on my own
I'll never let another get that close to me
You see I've grown a lot smarter now
Sometimes you have to choose and then you'll see
If your friends is true they'll be there with you
Through the thick and thin
[Chorus]
Yo is it me, is it me or can it be I am a little too friendly
So to speak hypothetically
'Cause I supply creativity to what others
Must take as a form of self-hate
Only to make an enemy
Which results in unfortunate destiny
They dog me out then be next to me
Just cause I am what some choose to envy
[Chorus]
People say I act a little funny
I wouldn't change not for no money
I'll be a friend as long as you're a friend to me (yeah, yeah)
Even though I might seem easy
It don't give you no cause to deceive me
It's not the way that I want my friends to ever be
[Chorus]
Bob Marley, knew what time it was...It is time to "Get Up Stand Up". The lyrics are in the video.
Listen first, instead of talkin’ smack! In closing I will simply say, “Haven’t ya’ll been listening? We tried to told you”.
5:13 AM PT: Unfortunately, jbou is hijacking my diary. Please do not engage him/her. I have asked him/her to go several times with no avail. I apologize to good faith participants for the disruption.