Here ya go once again, did the work so you don't have to. I took cliff notes from beginning to end of The Donald's Iowa stump speech, a fair amount of it verbatim. Comedy? tragedy? Both? You decide.
1. Walks onto the Karate Kid theme, "Your The Best Around"
2. I'm kicking ass in the polls.
3. Ann Coulter shout out and Ann Coulter book plug.
4. The "Summer Of Trump" is good for my ego.
5. I get great ratings, that's why the press is here. The press doesn't care about me or you.
6. The Apprentice was a huge hit.
7. NBC begged me to do another Apprentice season, I turned them down to make America great again.
8. Chyna.
9. My wife said if I ran, I'd win.
10. Chyna! They've taken everything from us.
11. China are smarter than us.
12. Japan!
13. I own the Bank Of America in San Francisco, it's an awesome building.
14. The Chinese leaders are smarter than or leaders.
15. Free trade sucks if we're dummies, it also sucks if you haven't read "The Art Of The Deal"
16. We're the silent majority.
17. Politicians suck.
18. Jeb is a hypocrite, and a wuss, and wears a seer sucker suit.
19. I was treated really unfairly at the first debate, I'm still pissed about that.
20. Jeb is boring, i'm awesome.
21. Asks crowd who they want negotiating with Iran and Chyna, Bush, Hillary or Trump? Crowd goes nuts.
22. I speak through my applauses because i'm productive.
23. I don't care that Jeb is nice.
24. Rubio is disloyal little shit to Jeb.
25. Jeb never uses his last name because he's embarrassed by his last name.
25. Says Jeb and Rubio are always hugging and kissing, professing a deep love for each other.
26. Rush Limbaugh shout out.
27. Nabisco, is moving to Mexico. I'm never eating Oreo's again.
28. How stupid are we?
29. I have friends who are so horrible, so mean nobody wants to have lunch with them, they're killers. I'll put them in charge of negotiations, like my friend Carl.
30. A woman sent me 7 dollars and 34 cents with a nice letter.
31. I turned down 5 million dollars.
32. My hair is real. I proved it in Alabama.
33. I feel stupid for all the money i've turned down.
34. Asks crowd "if I take all this money if I promise not to do anything for them" crowd resoundingly boo's. Trump awkwardly re-calibrates.
35. Ford will never leave the US if i'm in charge.
36. Vets are mistreated. Vets love me the most.
37. College debt is out of control.
38. Chyna
39. Japan
40. Every country in the world think we're represented by stupid people and they're right. Everybody hates us.
41. Russia is pissed at us.
42. The Ukraine is great.
43. Germany is lazy.
44. I just bought a bunch of tv sets from South Korea.
45. Sony sucks now.
46. If Japan gets attacked we have to help them but if we get attacked they don't have to help us. That sucks.
47. I love Saudi Arabia because they make a lot of money.
48. I'm the most militaristic person on the planet.
49. I love General Patton.
50. Our General's now are wussies.
51. We don't have winners in this country.
52. Going into Iraq was a mistake.
53. Obama messed it up way more.
54. CHYNA!!! Is taking all the oil.
55. The Iran deal is going to cause the apocalypse.
56. Kerry is 73 years old going in bicycle races.
57. I will never enter a bicycle race.
58. The Iran deal sucks, it's going to pass because we're dumb.
59. Obamacare sucks, I'm going to end Obamacare.
60. The Obamacare website still sucks.
61. Our leaders are impotent, they can't keep boners.
62. I'm building a new hotel, it's gonna be awesome.
63. Obama is a divider, just look at the black youth.
64. If you don't elect me, this country will be too far gone.
65. I like Elton John.
66. I like to go out on a high note.
67. The American dream is dead.
68. Outlaw teleprompters for all candidates.
69. I'm getting the best ratings right now and getting no royalties.
70. Says he's going to demand 10 million to CNN to preform the next debate for charity.
71. My wife says to me, "What are you doing?"
72. I'm going to win.
73. I'm going to make us great.
74. Twisted Sister's, We're Not Gonna Take It plays.
PHEW! I don't know if I have it in me to do another one of these.