Breaking News-NYTimes is reporting the inner workings of a conversation between S.C. Trey Gowdy and Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton..
Gowdy: You are aware that when you testify before the committee you ARE under oath, correct Madam?
Clinton: I'm a lawyer, so no duh!
Gowdy: We have found some disturbing emails in your server, can you explain a few of them"
Clinton: Well since I sent you like 60,000 to look through, probably the fuck not, but sure, I'll try.
Gowdy: It says here that you watched Parks and Recreation, is that true?
Clinton: Yes. Why?
Gowdy: Do you enjoy that show?
Clinton: Yes, again, how is this relevant?
Gowdy: Let the record show that Secretary Clinton empathizes with hipsters, moving on..
Gowdy: Is it true that you coerced Israel into disavowing their own exceptions to a trade agreement?
Clinton: We were trying to get some Illinois carp into Israel without an excessive import duty.
Gowdy: AHA! So you admit to using your office to abuse power and disregard mutual agreements..and you used a PRIVATE SERVER to do it! I have you now Clinton, oh how I have dreamed of this day, the day where I can finally expose you to the world as the vile creature that you are, a CREATURE SO VILE..
Boehner: Gowdy! That's enough. Get to the point.
Clinton: I was just trying to finesse some Illinois carp into Israel by request of Republican Congressman Manzullo-what this amounts to is Gefilte fish.
Gowdy: It's hot under these lights, isn't it Clinton?
Clinton: Actually I'm quite comfortable.
Gowdy: Do you or do you not admit to sending and receiving classified emails?
Clinton: Yes.
Gowdy: AHA!
Clinton: You didn't say on my private servers genius.
Gowdy, Ok, then on your private servers?
Clinton: What on my private servers?
Gowdy: Did you receive classified emails or not?
Clinton: Yes.
Gowdy: Let the record reflect that Secretary Clinton admits to having sent and received classified emails"
Clinton: You didn't say private server!
Gowdy: Expletive redacted
Clinton: Look this has been fun and all, but I have a middle class to rebuild, so if you and that ridiculous combover are through..
Gowdy: Just one second, Madame Secretary
Clinton: What now?
Gowdy: Can you explain to the committee why you used your influence to open a speaking spot for an individual to speak in rogue nations, an individual who happened to be your Husband?
Clinton: Who arranges for diplomats to make speeches?
Gowdy: Well, why, the State Department.
Clinton: And what was my title?
Gowdy: Secretary of State.
Clinton: Well then. Oh before I go one other thing.
Gowdy: Yes?
Clinton: You didn't mention the email you accidentally copied everyone with a .GOV address in on. That is the one classified email I admit got into there..
Gowdy: AHA so you do admit it, which email was it?
Clinton: The one to Ashley Madison.