So, there's this guy, Rick Perry, who wants to be President. Trouble is, he's dumber than the average fencepost. So, he tried wearing some 'smart' glasses (like smart people what can reed rill gud) but let's face it: put those glasses on a fencepost and it'll get into MENSA before Rick Perry does.
Gov. Goodhair (as the late, great Molly Ivins dubbed him) wanted to be Preznint last time around but dang...when it turned out he couldn't count to three, people kinda went off the idea, because people are fickle that way.
This time around, Gov. Rick and his 'smart' glasses are doing much better...oh, wait...no they aren't:
Rick Perry no longer has paid staff working in New Hampshire as his campaign faces fundraising woes that threaten to derail the Texas governor's 2016 bid entirely.
Adviser Mike Dennehy tells NBC News that he no longer considers himself a part of Perry's campaign and has not spoken to the presidential hopeful in nearly a month.
"I remain a steadfast supporter. But I have not talked with, nor seen Gov Perry, since he left NH on Aug 4, nor have I been asked for my advice from the campaign so it is disingenuous to call myself an advisor or to say I'm working for the campaign," Dennehy said.
As Gov. Rick himself would say--oops.
Obviously, this is sad news for humorists, satirists and cruel bastards like me. But c'est la vie, Gov. Rick (that's foreign for 'screw 'em anyway').
But can't you stay a while longer, Gov. Rick?
Dennehy's departure is the latest in a series of blows for the Texas Republican, who hoped to showcase a revamped image and a more experienced campaign in his second White House run.
After failing to gain traction in national polling or in early states - and missing the cut for the important first primetime GOP debate on August 6 - fundraising for Perry's campaign dwindled to a trickle, forcing staff to forgo pay at the beginning of last month.
And defections have come fast.
Perry's New Hampshire political director, Dante Vitagliano, announced earlier this week that he's joining John Kasich's New Hampshire team.
In Iowa, both of Perry's co-chairs jumped ship.
Professor and former Senate candidate Sam Clovis, whose endorsement was considered a coup for Perry back in June, departed and quickly joined Donald Trump's campaign. Days later, activist Karen Fesler announced that she was signing on with Rick Santorum, whom she supported during the former Pennsylvania senator's Iowa caucus victory in 2012.
Oh...I guess not. Well, that's a shame.
Still, you've made one...erm...two...uh...oops. You've made a number-larger-than-one of attempts. Next time around, OK pardner? We'll be waiting.
Happy trails, now, y'hear?