Here's our soon-to-be Dear Leader in full flow:
Celebrity tycoon and Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump told members of the Alabama Republican party on a Thursday night conference call that his plan to remove undocumented immigrants from the U.S. would only take "18 months to two years if handled properly," CBS News reported Friday.
"I think it's a process that can take 18 months to two years if properly handled," Trump said on Thursday, according to CBS.
And the wall along the southern border that Trump plans to build? He said he won't build it "until all the undocumented immigrants are out," according to the report.
"I will get them out so fast that your head would spin, long before I even can start the wall," Trump said. "They will be out of here. You know we have tremendous problems of crime."
Well, that clears up some burning questions, doesn't it?
Let's leave the whole 'How are you going to keep those nasty criminal illegal aliens, most, if not all of whom are intent on rape and murder, (at least on their days off from picking lettuce, apples, etc.) from strolling right back across the border if you don't build the wall first?' question alone for now.
Or maybe we should be asking 'What's to stop the Mexican government from sending them right back?' because that's what our wanna-be Maximum Leader claimed in his announcement back in June.
So, we've got to figure out how to deport 11 million people in less than 2 years. Let's first take a look at the numbers:
11,000,000 / 24 = 458,333 deportations per month
With 20 working days per month, that makes 22916 people who have to be trucked, bussed, flown or just plain shoved across the border each working day for 2 years.
That's 458 bus-loads per day, or if you prefer cattle cars, about 200 or so, depending on how tightly you want to pack them.
Of course, buses or cattle cars won't work so well for the 1,400,000 illegal aliens from Asia, or the 600,000 from Europe, the Middle East or Africa. Memo to our travel agent - make sure WE get the frequent flier miles for these people.
All right, it's January 21, 2017, President-for-Life (well, not yet, but he's working on that) Trump gathers a couple apprentice cabinet secretaries (and a few interns, I suspect) in the Oval Office to give his orders: 'Go get them. They gotta go.'
First question: Exactly WHO is going to do the 'get them' part?
Well, let's see..... undocumented immigration is a federal offense, so that leaves out all state, county and local law enforcement. Sorry, Sheriff Joe.... and all you nut-case militias, Oath Keepers, etc. SIT down, SHUT up and stop frothing at the mouth.
So, feds only.... Let's see....
FBI? Well, undocumented immigration, if I recall, is a civil infraction, not a crime, and I suspect the FBI is busy chasing terrorists, bank robbers and Breitbart wanna-be terrorist sympathizer bloggers, so they're out.
ATF? Probably not.
Federal marshals? I think they deal with people who have already been arrested, convicted and that stuff.
Secret Service? Well, Secret Squirrel on top of Trump's head seems to take care of his security, so he won't need them, but I think the rest of them chase counterfeiters, so that lets them out.
I got it! TSA! Wait.... What? You mean they're ALL so busy pawing through suitcases and not spotting knives and guns they can't take this on? Darn!
So that leaves ICE. That's their job, after all. Let's see, about 20,000 ICE employees were responsible for deporting about 438,000 people in 2013. That works out to 22 deportees per employee per year. Since we'll be deporting about 5,500,000 people per year, that means we'll need another 220,000 ICE employees hired, trained, armed and on the ground on January 21, 2017. Remember, every day we don't deport anyone puts us 22,916 behind.
I'm going to skip over the issues about where we keep these people while we (minimally) process them, how we feed them, transport them, etc. etc. etc. As our Dear Leader is fond of saying, those are MANAGEMENT things. I'm sure you folks will have a few ideas - feel free to share them. Of course, you must keep in mind that if your idea isn't GREAT and won't lead to UUUUUGGGGGGGEEEEEEE winning, you'll probably get FIRED.
Next issue: How are we going to find all these heinous criminals?
I know our Dear Leader keeps telling us they're all Mexican rapists and murderers (and sodomizers, of course), but in actuality only about half of them are. 1,400,000 are from Asia (and don't look like Mexicans, incredibly enough), there's about 75,000 CANADIANS! 400,000 are Indians (from India, not Native Americans, but when our Dear Leader stops to think that Native Americans don't look like US, he'll probably decide to deport them too). Half a million come from Europe or Africa, and they DO look like us almost as much as the Canadians do.
So I guess we're stuck with becoming a 'papers please' country, in which our 240,000 ICE agents will roam the streets and lettuce fields, randomly demanding proof of either citizenship or being in the country legally. Since I'm sure that all of us 'American-looking' people can prove we're citizens at the drop of a hat, that should work well. What could possibly go wrong?
I wonder if our Dear Leader has ever heard of the concept known as 'due process'? In essence it means that everyone is entitled to have their day in court. Our immigration courts aren't very efficient right now, so how well will they work when their case-load is multiplied by 12?
And what happens when somebody won't tell us where they came from? I guess we can designate them 'enemy combatants' and send them to Gitmo - plenty of room down there, I think.
Oh, I forgot to mention that Dear Leader has a plan for the US citizen children of illegals..... they gotta go. Yeah, we're gonna deport US citizens who haven't committed any crime (not that that should matter) to some foreign country they have no connection with. I'm not sure even Clarence Thomas would support that... well, maybe, but seriously, how's that going to get through the courts?
There are so many more stupid and/or impossible aspects of this hair-brained (literally) idiocy that Trump keeps spewing that I could keep writing all night, but I'm getting tired.
Deporting 11,000,000 people is immoral, illegal, impossible and just plain stupid. The thought that there are people out there who think it is possible, much less desirable, makes me really worry about the mental health of our country.
And the closer that buffoon with the squirrel hair-do gets to the White House - I know, it isn't going to happen - the more I think about either emigrating to Canada or buying a few acres waaaayyyyy up in the hills somewhere.
Cheers.