The bragging of an NFL player? The self-aggrandizing rants of a megalomaniac GOP candidate? The egotistical preening of a hip-hop mogul? Nope. None of the above.
This is the verbatim testimony of the, presumably, 13 year-old Cracker With Attitude who successfully breached the personal emails of the CIA director. The visual imagery is delicious.
An adolescent who admits he gets high "all day, every day" says he could have done this typing one handed. That's right. According to this kid, you can break into the head of the CIA's private email while watching someone get head.
Adding insult to injury, he claims he could have done this with "no teeth" -- which either means we have a toothless intelligence agency or he watches some truly niche porn. That's right. The guy who pulled off this stunt is a fan of the Velveteen Rub. (Look it up, it's exactly what you think it is.)
Forget the fact the kid prank called the head of the CIA (WTF?! You have his phone number?) and read Brennan's social security number to him (who is stupid enough to put their social security number on emails?!?!). The real shocker here -- the head of the CIA uses AOL.
But wait, there's more......
Crackers With Attitude also breached the voicemail for Jeh Johnson, the Secretary of Homeland Security, and he has Johnson's Comcast billing information.
Are you kidding me?!?! Comcast?!?! The head of Homeland Security can't get out of his contract with Comcast?!?! If you can't take on Comcast how the hell are you going to take on Al Qaeda? ISIS?
This brings a whole new meaning to "bad intelligence."
I can only assume tomorrow will begin with calls from Congress into this data breach along with a chorus of calls for the resignation of these two Yahoos. After all, why bother looking at Hillary's server? No one hacked that.
Of course, I am sure this terrorist network will be quickly routed out now that both the FBI and the Secret Service are investigating the "claims" of CWA. God, I would pay money to sit in on that interagency conference call.
Enough tomfoolery, we don't need to waste millions of dollars on this email investigation. We have a war to win! So let me do my part as an upstanding citizen. Let me save the taxpayers some money. CNN has already contacted them. Hey, pssst, FBI, Secret Service, over here. You want to investigate the claims? That's easy. You can do it with one hand. Visit Wikileaks.
Am I the only one who finds it ironic the people tasked with "investigating these claims" are the same agencies that have already demonstrated tremendous levels of incompetence and flat out stupidity? After all, the FBI never found the architect of the anthrax attacks, and the Secret Service is probably still hung over from its latest binge. Is it any surprise they failed to secure government records, or financial records, or health records, or even travel records? The real casualty here? Their credibility. I think it is fair to say their track record does not inspire confidence. How's that for understatement?
Not to put too fine a point on it, if these bozos can't find a 13 year-old stoner, how the hell are they going to convince anyone they can protect us from serious hackers acting on behalf of governments, criminal organizations, and pan-national entities?
The bottom line: A 13 year-old kid has shown the emperor has no clothes. But then, we knew this was all a sham more than 10 years ago.