From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Sanity Break
Since our world seems to be in the shop for repairs, here's a cool new glimpse at another one. NASA wants you to believe that "New Horizons scientists made this false color image of Pluto using a technique called principal component analysis to highlight the many subtle color differences between Pluto's distinct regions." They say this because, if the truth were known, Republicans would get all pissy and re-double their efforts to defund the agency.
But I have it on good authority---in fact, the same authority that confirmed to Ben Carson that the Chinese had staged a massive amphibious landing in Syria---that these are the actual tie-dye colors of what the space agency itself calls "psychedelic Pluto."
That's right, kids. It's not a dwarf planet, after all. It's a hippie planet. Someone get me Buzz Aldrin on the horn. We got some colonizin’ to do.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Note: Christmas is coming but the geese aren't getting fat this year because they finally figured out what happens to fat geese when Christmas is coming.
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens: 30
Days 'til the Boston Tuba Christmas Concert in Faneuil Hall: 10
Percent of global growth attributable to China last year, up from 13 percent in 2004 according to AP: 31%
Budget deficit for the year ending Sept. 30, the lowest since 2007 according to the Treasury Deptartment: $439 billion
Percent of the world beer market that will be controlled by Anheuser-Busch InBev and SAB Miller when the two giants merge: 29%
The last time there were as many 18-34 year-old women living at home with their parents as there are today (36.4%), according to Pew Research: 1940
Number of Maine lighthouses that are about to lose their foghorns in favor of radio signals, according to the Coast Guard: 17
Mid-week Rapture Index:
182 (including 6 global turmoils and 3 G-20 Summit-hijacking pooties). Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
Puppy Pic of the Day:
Putting a six-week-old behind the wheels? That's crazy!
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CHEERS to happy thoughts. This is a grim time for the world, what with all the terrorism and climate calamity and whatnot. But this morning let's take a moment to celebrate the news that the person taking the oath of office of President of the United States on January 20, 2017 will not be weird Louisiana Republican governor and exorcism advocate Bobby Jindal. He bowed out of the race yesterday to pursue opportunities in the lucrative conservative religious con artist sector. To me Jindal’s campaign speeches always sounded like a book report being given by a REALLY ANGRY FIFTH GRADER! There was nothing he offered that the other candidates didn’t kick his butt in. So, anyway, that’s that. His Super PAC says it will use its remaining funds to buy a pack of M&Ms and pay a parking ticket.
JEERS to where we're at at the moment. I was thinking yesterday that we're now at the point where all the evildoers need to do now to make civilization collapse is to start calling in bomb threats. Just pull out the phone book and start letting your evil fingers do the walking. Yesterday it was a soccer stadium in Germany. I was going to suggest fighting fire with fire by calling bomb threats into ISIS, but they'd be like, "I get to jump on it!" "No, I get to jump on it!" “No, me me me!” We live in weird times.
JEERS to climbing aboard the Fearmonger Express. I'm honestly shocked and a little disappointed that our tea party governor, Paul LePage, wasn't the first in the country to start yelling and screaming about keepin' them damn Syrian refugees out of the country. Better late than never but, damn, man, you coulda had first-asshole-governor-in-the-nation bragging rights. Oh well…
“To bring Syrian refugees into our country without knowing who they are is to invite an attack on American soil just like the one we saw in Paris last week and in New York City on 9/11,” LePage said in a statement late Monday. “That is why I adamantly oppose any attempt by the federal government to place Syrian refugees in Maine, and will take every lawful measure in my power to prevent it from happening.” […]
“Gov. LePage’s comments are morally repugnant,” [Senate Democratic leader Justin] Alfond said. “Our allies in France, and the world, are still reeling from the terrorist attacks on Paris and the governor is already using those attacks to promote his shallow, anti-immigrant agenda. This kind of brazen opportunism is indefensible. The governor is purposefully conflating terrorists with the people they are terrorizing.”
Or as "the people they are terrorizing" are called up here: Mainers being governed by Paul LePage.
CHEERS to something that looks really good on a resume. Using a Dixie cup attached to a string extending from Turkey to the White House, President Obama announced the 2015 Medal of Freedom recipients Monday. The awards are given out for "An especially meritorious contribution to the security or national interests of the United States, world peace, cultural or other significant public or private endeavors." This year's batch (the technical term is actually "pod") includes:
The late baseball great, veteran and humanitarian Yogi Berra….Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) founder Bonnie Carroll….the late congresswoman and first African-American female presidential candidate Shirley Chisholm….Gloria and Emilio Estefan….the late Indian treaty rights and environmental advocate Billy Frank, Jr….former congressman and immigration-reform advocate Lee Hamilton.…NASA stalwart Katherine G. Johnson…baseball great Willie Mays….Senator Barbara Mikulski (D-MD)…violinist Itzhak Perlman.…former EPA director William Ruckelshaus….Broadway titan Stephen Sondheim….Hollywood titan Steven Spielberg….music titan James Taylor…Broadway, Hollywood and music titan Barbra Streisand….and the late civil rights advocate Minoru Yasui.
Each honoree gets the medal, a ribbon, a tie clip, and a Voltron-3000 Throbbing Orb of Omnipotence. We trust they'll use their power wisely.
JEERS to drinking the Kool-Aid (as in, really drinking the Kool-Aid, except perhaps not, which I'll explain in a moment). There's a paragraph in the late Randy Shilts's brilliant book, The Mayor of Castro Street: The Life and Times of Harvey Milk, that reveals the Rev. Jim Jones' influence in San Francisco politics (Mayor Moscone actually made him chairman of the city Housing Authority, if you can believe that) during the mid-70s, before he moved his sheeple to Guyana:
"Make sure you're always nice to the Peoples Temple," [Milk] admonished [campaign volunteer Tory Hartmann]. "If they ask you to do something, do it, and then send them a note thanking them for asking you to do it. They're weird and they're dangerous, and you never want to be on their bad side."
No shit. Today is the 37th anniversary of the infamous Jonestown massacre. At least 900 followers drank grape Flavor Aid (not Kool-Aid) laced with cyanide. Time's cover said it all: Cult of Death. By the way, what's the difference between the Jones cult and today's teabaggers? What the teabaggers are drinking is killing all of us.
CHEERS to hot wheels. The Oscars of the auto world are out, and Motor Trend has bestowed its 2016 Car of the Year award to the Chevrolet Camaro:
[T]he sixth-generation Camaro is based on General Motor’s awesome Alpha platform architecture, the same structure that underpins the Cadillac ATS and CTS, the latter being our 2014 Car of the Year. Additionally, we’ve long felt that the ATS has been a burbling V-8, a smart transmission, and an interior upgrade away from KO-ing the BMW 3 Series. Especially as you can absolutely make the argument that GM’s core competency is the small-block. Long story short, we have a history of loving the wondrous-to-drive, lightweight, aluminum- and high-strength-steel intensive Alpha platform. But man, have we been waiting for the General to offer a small-block with a manual transmission. …
Is this the best production ponycar the world has ever seen? Without hesitation, yes.
I hope Motor Trend’s blessing turns out to be luckier for the GM than it was for last year's winner: Volkswagen.
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Nine years ago in C&J: November 18, 2006
JEERS to the new GOP. Let's see: we now have an RNC chair who thought it would be a swell idea to politicize the plight of Terri Schiavo for political gain. We now have a Senate whip who considers the era of black lynchings the "good old days." As for anointed Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell? Well, he gets his own "tool box:"
"I think Secretary Rumsfeld's done an excellent job. He'll be remembered as one of the great secretaries of defense."
---CBS News' Face the Nation
Can they pick `em or can they pick `em?
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And just one more…
CHEERS to dreaming of a galaxy far, far away. Last year the #1 item on my holiday gift list was the private blimp from the Hammacher-Schlemmer catalog. This year I'm shootin' for the Millennium Falcon bed from Pottery Barn:
Yesterday I called Santa and told him that I believe the $4,000 price tag matches the extent to which I've been a good boy this year. The next thing I heard was Mrs. Claus giving him the Heimlich maneuver and then the line went dead. I'll follow up with an email. And probably also ask where the hell my blimp is.
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Bill in Portland Maine’s making a comeback? Errrr, probably not.
---FiveThirtyEight
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