Have you been wondering, dear reader, whatever happened to the gloriously insane E.W. Jackson? No, you probably weren't, but tough beans: Presidential candidate and actual sitting senator Ted Cruz is bringing him back into the spotlight.
Buddy Pilgrim, Cruz’s national director for faith and religious liberty, endorsed Christian minister and former Tea Party politician E.W. Jackson Sr. on Wednesday, promising Cruz’s support for Jackson’s plan to “rescue America’s inner cities” from the “new epidemic of black on black violence and murder.”
What is the E.W. Jackson plan for reducing "black on black violence and murder", the one that the Cruz campaign (and only the Cruz campaign) is calling "exactly the kind of initiative that is needed for this country"?
Simple. We must END MILEY CYRUS.
“In a world where Beyoncé shakes her ‘bootie’ and Miley twerks, it is difficult to imagine a culture of sexual responsibility, let alone abstinence,” his document says.
The recovery plan, titled “Project Awakening,” argues that young people’s sexual responsibility is also tied to their family structure.
“Young ladies need help to break the pattern of sexual exploitation that reeks [sic] havoc on their lives,” it says. “Ultimately, the absence of a caring father causes girls to go looking for love in all the wrong places.”
It's simple, really. The young womenfolks are having too many of the sex these days. This causes black people to murder each other. And there's also something about shipping more kids off to boarding school.
There ya go, you're caught up. No, I don't know why the Ted Cruz campaign finds these arguments so compelling. Perhaps Ted's real parents were killed by a 'bootie' and he has spent his whole life driving towards high office in the hopes that he may one day find a way to avenge them.