In less than 48 hours from now, the (stupid) people of Iowa will gather in caucus locations throughout the state to cast the first "votes" in the 2016 presidential primaries—as mandated by the Preamble to the Constitution.
This is a perilous time for the GOP; despite an overabundance of polling and know-it-all pundits, many big questions remain unanswered.
Among them are:
• Is Canadian "anchor baby" Ted Cruz eligible to run?
• Why has God (Jesus) forsaken Ben Carson?
• Is Jeb!—or anyone, really—the "smart Bush"?
• Has Marco Rubio's "moment"—assuming that such a thing even exists—finally arrived?
• Time for some traffic problems in Des Moines?
• Where is Rand Paul's Aqua Buddha now?
• Just who does Carly Fiorina think she's kidding?
And, most (yugely!) importantly:
• Can Donald Trump harness enough "white power" to make America great again?
Stay tuned to find out.
Morning lineup:
Meet The Press: Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT); Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX); Roundtable: David Brody (Christian Broadcast Network), Joy Ann Reid (MSNBC), Tom Brokaw (NBC News) and Jennifer Jacobs (Des Moines Register).
Face The Nation: Raging Narcissist Donald Trump (R); Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL); Pollster Ann Selzer; Roundtable: Kimberley Strassel (Wall Street Journal), Ed O'Keefe (Washington Post), Ezra Klein (Vox) and Ben Domenech (The Federalist).
This Week: Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton (D); Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT); Raging Narcissist Donald Trump (R); Roundtable: Democratic Strategist Donna Brazile, Republican Strategist Alex Castellanos, "Independent" Strategist Matthew Dowd and Katrina vandal Heuvel (The Nation).
Fox News Sunday: Raging Narcissist Donald Trump (R); Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX); Roundtable: Brit Hume (Fox News), Kathie Obradovich (Des Moines Register), Iowa Gov. Terry Branstad (R) and Anne Gearan (Washington Post).
State of the Union: Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL); Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX); Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT); Roundtable: Republican Strategist Ana Navarro, Former Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer (D), Radio Host Hugh Hewitt and Neera Tanden (Center for American Progress).
Evening lineup:
60 Minutes will feature: a hidden camera report on what happens when hidden cameras capture American lawyers being asked to move highly questionable funds into the U.S (preview); and, a report on scientists trying to get to the bottom of climate change and sea level rise by studying one of the largest glaciers in the Arctic Circle (preview).
Late night shows:
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
Monday: Actor John Travolta; Actor Courtney B. Vance; Social Psychologist Amy Cuddy; Singer/Songwriter John Moreland.
Tuesday: Actor David Schwimmer; Preacher Joel Osteen; Singer/Songwriter M. Ward.
Wednesday: TV Personality Dr. Phil McGraw; Filmmakers Mark & Jay Duplass; Georgetown Prof. Michael Eric Dyson; Rapper Anderson Paak and the Free Nationals.
Thursday: TV Personality Michael Strahan; Comedian Samantha Bee; Rock Band Wilco.
Friday: Guests TBD.
The Daily Show with Trevor Noah
Monday: Reshma Saujani (Girls Who Code); Tuesday: Journalist Peter Bergen; Wednesday: Comedian Hannibal Buress; Thursday: YouTube Star Lilly Singh.
Elsewhere...
Tucker Carlson shared one of his earliest memories of Donald Trump.
About 15 years ago, I said something nasty on CNN about Donald Trump's hair. I can't now remember the context, assuming there was one. In any case, Trump saw it and left a message the next day.
"It's true you have better hair than I do," Trump said matter-of-factly. "But I get more pussy than you do."
At the time, I'd never met Trump and I remember feeling amused but also surprised he'd say something like that. Now the pattern seems entirely familiar. The message had all the hallmarks of a Trump attack: shocking, vulgar and indisputably true.
Meanwhile...
Bristol Palin shared her derp thoughts about the #OscarsSoWhite controversy.
In a blog post on Tuesday, Palin said she agreed with Fox News contributor Stacey Dash opinion that both Black History Month and the BET network should not exist as special privileges for the black community.
"Either we want to have segregation or integration. If we don't want segregation then we need to get rid of channels like BET and the BET Awards and the [NAACP] Image Awards," Dash told Fox News host Steve Doocy last week.
"We shouldn't segregate ourselves or limit Black History Month to one month a year. I wish things were really colorblind," she insisted. "I don't know how other people think about it, but I hope my son sees early on – that not everyone gets a trophy."
And, finally…
Supporters of the Bundy militia went looking for a Festivus miracle.
Even as the arrested leader of the Oregon standoff has called for those who remain at the federal wildlife refuge to leave, an outside patriot group has issued a new "call to action" for "any and all Americans" to join the anti-government occupiers still at the facility.
Citing the shooting death of one of the standoff leaders in an encounter with law enforcement earlier this week, the Pacific Patriots Network posted the call to action on its website Friday.
"Come stand together with other Americans, and express our Constitutional right to PEACEFULLY assemble and air our grievances," the call to action said. It called for the arrest of the law enforcement officers involved in the shooting that killed occupier LaVoy Finicum on Tuesday night, as well as for the departure of the federal authorities who have staked out the Malheur National Wildlife Center and for the resignations of some of the local officials in Harney County, Oregon.
Never give up, never surrender!
- Trix