From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
The Late Nighters Weigh In On The Week:
“On a day when some dipshit terrorist wants us to focus on one man’s brutality and hatred, it might be worth seeing this video posted on Twitter. It shows hundreds of people this morning lining up around the block in Florida waiting to donate blood. And it kind of reminds you that that terrorist dipshit is vastly outnumbered.”
---John Oliver
“The president made a powerful point: America has to decide if this is the kind of country that it wants to be. Every time this happens, it feels like America has already decided this is exactly the kind of country it wants to be. We shouldn’t allow this to be normal. It’s not a normal thing. It’s like milk from almonds or sushi from Walgreens.”
---Trevor Noah
"In a speech, Donald Trump said thousands of people in the United States are sick with hate. Then Trump said, 'I’d like to thank them for their support.'"
---Conan O'Brien
"Trump isn't what Republicans stand for. He's what they bend over for."
---Samantha Bee
"John McCain said that President Obama is 'directly responsible' for the Orlando attack. Now, some are saying that McCain said this only because he's facing a tough reelection fight, while others are saying it's because he's a dick."
---Stephen Colbert
"President Obama gave a speech this afternoon in which he angrily called out Republicans for being too obsessed with his refusal to use the term ‘radical Islam.' Or as Fox News reported it: Angry Black Man Spotted Talking About Radical Islam Near Capitol Building."
---Seth Meyers
"My only qualification to be a babysitter is that I used to be a baby. That's crazy! That's like saying, 'Hey, you're sick a lot, you wanna be my doctor?' Or, 'Weren't you the host of a reality show? You wanna be president of the United States?'”
---Lori Mae Hernandez, 13, on America's Got Talent
Pulse Victims Fund
Equality Florida Pulse page
C’mon down and splash in the kiddie pool. You’ll never guess what we’re doing: drinking and swearing and hurling Jarts. Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, June 17, 2016
Note: Today is Eat Your Vegetables Day. Santa Claus has been monitoring you for compliance via ficus-plant-cam and putting your name on the appropriate list for future reference. If you really want to see that Hammacher Schlemmer hovercraft under the tree in six months, get chompin’. ---Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Netroots Nation convention in St. Louis: 27
Days 'til the Boise Music Festival: 8
Percent of Americans who have a favorable opinion of the Democratic party, according to the latest Bloomberg Politics poll: 49%
Percent who have a favorable view of the Republican party: 32%
Number of the Malheur Wildlife Refuge terrorists---including Ammon and Ryan Bundy---whose firearms-related charges were dropped, thus making them less likely to serve time in jail: 8
Percent chance that Canada's House of Commons voted to change the national anthem lyrics from "in all thy sons command" to "in all of us commend" to make it gender-neutral: 100%
Current top premium seat price for a ticket to see Hamilton on Broadway: $849
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Puppy Pic of the Day:
Playtime with Kevin the Socialist Duckstick?
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CHEERS to a mother's advice. Of all the words of sympathy and support for the victims' families and the survivors of the Pulse gay-bar attack, none hold as much resonance as those who have themselves experienced the aftermath of a mass shooting. One of them wrote a moving post on Facebook this week that caught the attention of People magazine. Nelba Nelba Márquez-Greene's six-year-old daughter was one of the victims of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. Here's a bit of her post:
I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. I am sorry that our tragedy here in Sandy hook wasn't enough to save your loved ones.
I tried and I won't stop trying. Don't you dare even listen to even ONE person who may insinuate that somehow this is your loved ones fault because they were gay or any other reason.
Nor is it God's wrath. They did that to us on Sandy Hook, too. And it broke my heart. You will receive love from a million places. Embrace it. Take good care of yourself. This will be a forever journey. Some ugly will come your way too. Delete. Ignore. Let it go.
Your loss today will bring out the worst AND the best in all of us. May we commit to being our best selves in honor of what you now bear.
You can read Nelba's entire post here. Tomorrow is our annual pride parade and festival here in Portland, Maine---it starts at noon at Monument Square. Michael and I will be marching for our 20th year with PFLAG, the support and advocacy group originally started in the 70s for parents of LGBT kids (I write and edit their monthly newsletter). With hundreds of participants and thousands of onlookers, many tears will fall on the pavement as Orlando's devastated LGBT community dominates our thoughts. But we'll also be chanting "We're here, we're queer, get used to it" as always, celebrating the gains we've made over the last year, and waving rainbow flags and tossing candy. And once again God will bless the event with sunshine and temps in the 70s. So, haters: congratulations---you lose again.
P.S. yesterday in Orlando:
Let’s hope Hillary wins in November. If Trump is president during a mass murder, he’ll send out a condolence tweet and then nuke whatever country the dart he throws at the map lands on.
CHEERS to palace intrigue. After months of hurling flaming policy ideas at each other's castles, the forces of the white wizard were defeated by the pantsuit queen and peace was restored throughout the kingdom. But there was one thing left to do: depose the Keeper of the Platform and install a new one to lead the now-united Democratic empire to an overwhelming victory against the rapidly-dwindling army of Republican Cheeto Jesus. By official proclamation, Lady Wasserman Schultz is hereby banished to the top of the frozen ice wall (paid for by Mexico---it's very beautiful), where she will live out her days…um…eh, who cares what she’ll be doing. Her replacement in the DNC’s day-to-day operations: the dashing knight Sir Brandon Davis, with his steel-trap strategic mind and infamous catapult division. Tonight in the Great Hall we make merry, eat mutton, drink grog and get naked. Not necessarily in that order.
CHEERS to the beginning of the end. Forty-four years ago today, five burglars were arrested inside DNC headquarters at the Watergate complex:
They possessed burglary tools, cameras, film and pen-size tear gas guns.
In rooms the men had rented at a motel across Virginia Avenue from the burglary scene, police found electronic bugging equipment.
Three of those arrested were Cuban exiles and one was a Cuban-American. Their leader was James McCord, a former CIA agent and a security coordinator for President Richard Nixon’s Committee for the Reelection of the President.
Prosecutors also charged E. Howard Hunt Jr., a former White House aide, and G. Gordon Liddy, a CREEP finance counsel, as accomplices.
It was the start of a chain of events that led to Nixon's resignation, punctuated by the now-shocking notion that prominent members of Nixon's own party would help drag the scandal into the sunlight instead of burying it in the backyard under a smokescreen of spin and faux-outrage at Democrats. When the crisis had passed, Republicans paused a moment to reflect on the fact that they'd done something right and honorable...and vowed to never do it again because it felt icky.
JEERS to that weasel over there crouched in the fetal position with his pants on fire. As his party collapses around him, RNC chairman Reince Priebus announced yesterday that there's nothing to see here, please move along:
Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump’s poll numbers are sinking rapidly and Politico reported on Wednesday that there is increasing friction between the candidate and the Republican National Committee.
RNC chairman Reince Priebus, however, took to Twitter on Thursday to assure the world that everything between Trump and the RNC is just fine.
In fact, Priebus even said he was flying on Trump’s plane down to Texas to campaign events: "Flying to Dallas now with Donald Trump...Reports of discord are pure fiction. Great events lined up all over Texas. Rs will win in Nov!"
Just one question: if things are going so well, why are you wasting valuable campaign time in Texas instead of the swing states where Hillary is kicking your ass? Don’t worry---I won’t stay up waiting for an answer.
CHEERS to William's Words of Warfare Wisdom. The Battle of Bunker Hill was fought 241 years ago today. Many lessons of warfare were learned that day. For instance, the colonial minutemen learned that their steely-eyed resolve and unconventional tactics could do real damage to the British. And what did the British learn? Mostly that red uniforms are a really, really dumb idea.
JEERS to the Gipper's Legacy. 30 years ago today, President Reagan announced the retirement of Supreme Court Chief Justice Warren Burger. His brilliant replacement: Antonin Scalia. And we thought Iran-Contra was his blackest stain.
CHEERS to home vegetation. True fact: if George Washington was sitting around on the couch, here's what he'd be watching on TV this weekend. He'd start with Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow, followed by HBO's Real Time, where Bill Maher hauls in Josh Barro, Ravi Patel, right-wing asshole Emily Miller, Col. Lawrence Wilkerson and Rebecca Traister. He might watch one of the new DVD releases, which include Cloverfield Lane and Eddie the Eagle. Or he might catch some sports. The baseball lineup is here. (The Red Sox won’t leave the Mariners stranded at sea...just on base Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!) Game 7 of the NBA Finals between Golden State and Cleveland is Sunday night at 8ET on ABC. And the 3rd PGA major of the year, the U.S. Open at Oakmont in Pennsylvania, will dominate our weekend afternoons. Sunday night is HBO night, with Veep, Silicon Valley, Game of Thrones (spoiler alert: the Walrus is Paul and the Sparrow turns out to be Ringo) and John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight.
And here's your Sunday morning lineup. Given that the LGBT community just suffered its worst tragedy in U.S. history, let’s see how many representatives of the community the shows have booked:
Meet the Press: Attorney General Loretta Lynch; House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI). LGBT representation: 0
This Week: Attorney General Loretta Lynch; Rep. Michael McCall (R-TX); hate group leader Tony Perkins will no doubt explain how the LGBT community brought the Pulse massacre on itself. LGBT representation: 0
Face the Nation: Loretta Lynch; Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA); Donald Trump; gun salesman Wayne LaPierre. LGBT representation: 0
CNN's State of the Union: Loretta Lynch; Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI); Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort. LGBT representation: 0
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Loretta Lynch; Trump’s other campaign manager Corey Lewandowski; National Portrait Gallery director Kim Sajet. LGBT representation: 0
LGBT representation: big fat goose egg. Gee. We’re touched.
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Ten years ago in C&J: June 17, 2006
JEERS to America's NEW #1 issue. Topping the charts this week on Casey's Countdown: a constitutional amendment to ban flag-burning (actually, flag desecration). It appears to be closer than ever to passage. Good, because I'm sick of the president sullying our banner. It would be an impeachable offense, right??
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And just one more…
CHEERS to President Quick Draw McSlappy Paw. On June 17, 2009, President Barack Hussein Obama single-handedly stopped an attack on American soil…in fact, he stopped an attack on the very heart of our government. Remember? The culprit was an invader who flew in under the cover of darkness while the Secret Service was off drinking and whoring---a grotesque, hairy, devious, foul-mouthed creature intent on sucking the life out of the homeland. But Obama was onto the plan, and slapped it down with ruthless speed and efficiency. In fact, it was caught on tape…
Thanks to his patriotism and quick thinking, the republic endures.
Also too Happy Father's Day Sunday! Your socks are in the mail. Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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