From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
"Meanwhile in River City…"
Randy Rainbow puts a big orange bewigged (but small-handed) exclamation point on the GOP convention, Harold Hill-style:
Okay, America. That’s what happens when you take the red pill. Next week you get to take the blue pill. Or as its better known: the antidote for what happens to your brain when you take the red pill.
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, July 22, 2016
Note: Tonight on NewsCenter, Jeb Bush gathers seaweed with barbecue tongs in Kennebunkport and wonders how it all went so wrong. Film at 11.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til he start of the summer Olympics in Rio: 14
Days 'til the Ohio State Fair: 5
Increase in bicycle and pedestrian fatalities last year, according to the NHTSA: 13%, 10%,
Number of links researchers at Tufts University found between butter consumption and increased risk of heart attack or stroke: 0
Percent drop in overall gun ownership between 2012 and 2015, according to a CBS News poll: 10%
Estimated number of firearms owned by gun owners in the 1990s and 2015, respectively, indicating that gun sales remain popular only with existing gun owners: 4 / 8
Estimated odds that a 16-word phrase in one speech would coincidentally match a phrase of the same length in another speech, according to FiveThirtyEight: 1:1 trillion
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Puppy Pic of the Day:
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JEERS to garbage night. And you thought Fidel Castro was long-winded??? Donald Trump capped the error- and infighting-plagued 2016 Republican convention last night by informing America he was going to tell them the unvarnished truth, and then spent several hours telling one whopper after another, all couched in apocalyptic visions that could provide the template for the next Mad Max movie. The Cliffs Notes version: apparently America is a cesspool of crime and decay, and we're all going to die soon (very soon!) at the hands of ISIS and blah people if we don’t elect him president to fix everything all by himself…and, oh, by the way, America is an exceptional nation and no one will ever match our Christ-blessed greatness so suck it, restoftheworld. It was a grandpa’s-off-his-meds-again speech is what it was. For your convenience, here's the emoji transcript:
In the words of the host of Comedy Central's @Midnight:
When it was all over, he snagged a ringing endorsement from his most important constituency: the Ku Klux Klan. But for those of us who live on the other side of the white sheet, it was a horrifying laundry list of non-existent problems that Trump vowed (LOUDLY!) to solve by crushing them with his hobnail jackboots. It was so bad that Justin Trudeau is starting to wonder if maybe Canada doesn’t need a big beautiful wall of its own to keep us out. But I can think of one positive thing to say about the Republican convention: they got the balloon drop right. Eventually.
P.S. Cleveland 2016...or fuhrerbunker 1945? You make the call:
The writhing of a people who know they’re doomed.
JEERS to black lives not mattering, Part I'veLostCount. By the time I write this, plenty of other African-Americans will have been shot, beat up or otherwise unfairly harassed and hounded by racist, power-hungry police. But goddam, this cop should be declared mentally incompetent and locked up as a menace to society:
In Florida, a police officer shot an unarmed black man on Wednesday.
Charles Kinsey was lying on the ground with his hands above his head when a North Miami police officer shot him in the leg. Kinsey, a behavioral therapist, was attempting to calm his autistic patient, who was clearly upset but not posing as a threat. The patient was blocking traffic after he managed to walk away from his assisted living facility.
Although, to be fair, it's possible that Kinsey's leg could've been a carefully camouflaged Howitzer, fired by laying down on the ground with his hands up in compliance with police orders. They're sneaky, "those people."
CHEERS to purty rhymin' wurds. On this date in 1893, Katherine Lee Bates---a college-educated, latte-slurping Cape Cod liberal elitist---wrote the poem America the Beautiful after visiting an inspiring spot:
One day some of the other teachers and I decided to go on a trip to 14,000-foot Pikes Peak. We hired a prairie wagon. Near the top we had to leave the wagon and go the rest of the way on mules. I was very tired. But when I saw the view, I felt great joy. All the wonder of America seemed displayed there, with the sea-like expanse.
It was later set to the hymn "Materna" by Samuel Ward. But only because Snoop Dogg wanted ten million bucks for the rights to "We Just Wanna Party with You."
CHEERS to setting phasers on Stunning! Star Trek: Beyond opens today to rave reviews (86% "Fresh" over at Rotten Tomatoes, and you can count my thumb among those in the "up" position), but not before NASA unveiled an amazing new image of a galaxy far, far aw…er, I mean, the final frontier:
The Hubble image unveils a very cluttered-looking universe filled with galaxies near and far.
Some are distorted like a funhouse mirror through a warping-of-space phenomenon first predicted by Einstein a century ago. […]
Thanks to Hubble's exquisite sharpness, the photo unveils the effect of space warping due to gravity. The huge mass of the cluster distorts and magnifies the light from galaxies that lie far behind it due to an effect called gravitational lensing. This phenomenon allows Hubble to see galaxies that would otherwise be too small and faint to observe. This "warp field" makes it possible to get a peek at the very first generation of galaxies. Already, an infant galaxy has been found in the field, as it looked 1 billion years after the big bang.
The cluster contains approximately 100 million-million solar masses, and contains 51 confirmed galaxies and perhaps over 400 more.
The big question: are there new life forms and new civilizations beyond the Milky Way? No one can say for sure yet, but astronomers say they've spotted evidence of a 20-light-years-long sock lying on the galaxy floor. So whatever alien organisms are out there, they appear to have teenage kids.
JEERS to a very crowded bench. Did you hear about this? By a vote of 70-20, the Senate rejected the president's proposal to enlarge the Supreme Court by six justices. His plan was denounced as "court-packing" by critics, and we agree. Shaaaaame on you, Mr. President! FDR, that is...July 22, 1937. Nice try, sir, but the thought of 15 Alitos and Thomases makes my knees wobble.
CHEERS to tearful reunions. On Sunday’s date 150 years ago, Tennessee became the first state to be readmitted to the Union after the War of Southern Traitor Aggression ended. Bob Corker and Marsha Blackburn aside, so far it seems to be working out. But don’t get cocky, Volunteer State...you're still on probation.
CHEERS to home vegetation. A quick roundup of some of the eyestuff that may end up on your TV. Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow will have their clearer-eyed-than-most analysis of the GOP convention tonight on MSNBC. Then on HBO's Real Time, Bill Maher talks with retired Lt. General Michael T. Flynn, who was one of Trump’s floaties for his VP slot...plus Ian Bremmer, Ana Marie Cox, former Rep. Jack Kingston (R-GA) and activist America Ferrara. New DVD/streaming releases include the disappointing Batman v. Superman and the perfectly-bizarre true story of Elvis & Nixon (Michael Shannon and Kevin Spacey). The baseball schedule is here. (The Red Sox will "separate" the twins…from the win column, that is, Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!) And Sunday night John Oliver returns to the anchor desk at Last Week Tonight on HBO.
And here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: TBA
This Week: Bernie!!! Plus Clinton campaign manager Robby Mook, Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort, ans scary Muslim Congressman Keith Ellison from the terrorist nation of Minnesota.
Face the Nation: President Obama; Bob Schieffer returns to his old haunts to offer thoughts on the conventions; roundtable with Jamelle Bouie of Slate, the Atlantic's Ron Brownstein, National Review's Ramesh Ponnuru, and CBS News congressional correspondent Nancy Cordes.
CNN's State of the Union: Clinton campaign manager Robby Mook; Donald Trump, Jr. mixes a Manhattan in his chin dimple; Van Jones and Neera Tanden are on the pundit panel.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Wow, I’m shocked---they’re broadcasting live from the Democratic convention center in Philadelphia. The roundtable of Fox News pundits will discuss everything but their boss Roger Ailes’ sudden departure over allegations he’s a sexual-assaulting pig.
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 22, 2006
JEERS to 25% off your next hurl! USAir is putting ads on its barf bags. Because there's nothing more relaxing than having something to read while you're blowing chunks.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to coming in like a lion. Woo hoo! My zodiac sign---Leo---starts this weekend! You know who's a Leo? President Obama. Neil Armstrong and 35 other astronauts. Robert Redford. Madonna. The Far Side creator Gary Larson. Loni Anderson. Steve Martin. Stanley Kubrick. Andy Warhol. Tom Freakin' Brady!!! And what do we (and you, if you're a roarer too) all have in common? Oh we hate to brag…
The Leo Woman is glamorous and regal.
She isn't complicated ---in fact she's more up-front and honest. She revels in the spotlight and often finds herself the center of attention. No matter how happy she is in her personal life, a Leo woman needs more. That usually means a career or, in some cases, an involvement in social or community affairs that showcase her creative interests and organizational skills.
The Leo Man [is] good-looking and personable and possess a swaggering grace that makes [him] attractive to women. They are friendly and good-natured, although they have a tendency to sulk. They have a strong ego and can seem preoccupied with their own concerns at times. Image is important to these men, and they take great care in cultivating just the right one for themselves.
…but brag we shall. Meow.
Have a great weekend. Next week: Democrats rock Philadelphia. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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