From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Quotable Philly, Part III (Part I is here and Part Dieux is here.)
"Donald Trump: you're not fit to polish John McCain's boots."
---Ret. Rear Admiral John Hutson
"Donald Trump, you are asking Americans to trust you with their future. Let me ask you: have you even read the U.S. Constitution? I will gladly lend you my copy."
---American Muslim Khizr Khan, whose son was killed in the line of duty in Iraq in 2004
"Trump says he wants to run the nation like he's running his business? God help us."
---Mike Bloomberg
"A man you can bait with a tweet is not a man we can trust with nuclear weapons."
---Hillary Clinton (More of her zingers here.)
"I'm Michael Jordan and I’m with Hillary. I said that because Donald Trump couldn't tell the difference."
---Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
"When we love the jewish child and the Palestinian child, the Muslim and the Christian and the Hindu and the Buddhist and those who have no faith but they love this nation, we are reviving the heart of our democracy. When we fight for peace, and when we resist the proliferation of military style weapons on our street, and when we stand against the anti-democratic stronghold of the NRA, we are reviving the heart of our democracy."
---North Carolina NAACP head Rev. William Barber
"It takes about five minutes for a church bell to ring 49 times. The weapon that murdered my son fires 30 rounds in one minute. One minute for a gun to fire so many shots. Five minutes for a bell to honor so many lives. … I'm glad common sense [assault weapons ban] gun policy was in place the day Christopher was born. But where was that common sense the day he died? I never want you to ask that question about your child. That's why I support Hillary Clinton."
---Former Michigan State Trooper Christine Leinonen, mother of Pulse massacre victim Christopher Leinonen
“Strong women get things done. Hillary is tough. Hillary is courageous. She will stand up to the gun lobby. That’s why I am voting for Hillary. I want to say these two words: ‘Madame President!’”
---Gabby Giffords
“I am a proud transgender American. […] Today in America, LGBTQ people are targeted by hate that lives in both laws and hearts. Many still struggle just to get by. But I believe tomorrow can be different. Tomorrow, we can be respected and protected, especially if Hillary Clinton is our president. And that’s why I’m proud to say that I’m with her.”
---Sarah McBride
"A whole convention, and not a single artist has demanded that Democrats stop playing their music."
---kos
I have an idea. Let’s do another convention in August, yeah!!!
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, July 29, 2016
Note: Has anyone checked Merrick Garland for cobwebs lately? I hope he's hasn't calcified in the White House basement.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the general election as of tomorrow: 100
Days 'til the Wyoming State Fair: 15
Minimum number of children who have died in hot cars so far this summer, matching last year's total according to AP: 23
Percent of the delegates at the Democratic convention who were LGB or T: 11.5%
Number of state jobs mentally-unstable Maine Gov. Paul LePage wants to cut, while simultaneously cutting taxes on the state's richest residents, according to a leaked memo obtained by The Portland Press Herald: 2,300
Increase in satellites orbiting earth in the last five years, totaling just under 1,400 according to The Washington Post: 40%
Number of nights during which the Republican convention attracted more viewers than the Democratic convention: 0
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Get a phone booth, you guys…
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CHEERS to historical herstory. Comparing the convention this week in Philadelphia to the one in Cleveland is like comparing the difference between dumpster diving for chicken nuggets behind Burger King to dining on filet mignon at Spago. Team D clobbered Team R on optics, star power, emotional impact, messaging and---by a mile---diversity. A few notes from day 4:
> I cried last night just as I cried during the Republican convention. Only difference: last night's were tears of joy.
> Sen. Sherrod Brown claimed that "As Ohio goes, so goes the nation." BillyFact rates this claim TRUE…if by Ohio you mean Maine.
> Great line by Hillary: "Way too many dreams die in the parking lots of banks."
> Another great line: "Donald Trump says, and this is a quote: 'I know more about ISIS than the generals do.' No, Donald, you don't."
> For all its hope and optimism and sound policy ideas, this Democratic convention also swung a mean left hook that left a lot of Republican teeth on the floor. Fortunately for them, dental restoration work is covered by Obamacare.
> Biggest whiff: Hillary delivered her speech in a white pantsuit from a lectern instead of in overalls and a miners lamp from atop a hay bale. So out of touch with average Americans!
> I think Bill was happy:
> At the end of the night, anchor Bret Baier of Fox News said Democrats had put forth "the most progressive, liberal platform we've seen in decades." And in a sign that serial sexual abuser Roger Ailes is indeed gone from the place, he didn’t sneer when he said it.
> Megyn Kelly of Fox added: "Just to watch a woman make history in the United States after far, far too long...."
As for the results: CNN-ORC polling shows that 86 percent viewed Clinton's speech positively, and 82 percent believe her policies would be good for the country. Meanwhile, she and her opponent will soon start getting official security briefs. For Hillary that means covert information on sensitive U.S. intel. For Trump that means diapers for his mouth.
P.S. Oh my…
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CHEERS to great moments in stinkola. A rare "corpse flower"---aka Amorphophallus titanium---bloomed today at the New York Botanical Garden---the first time since 1939. You can click on a livestream link at their web site. There's a method to its malodorousness, according to How Stuff Works:
Why does the corpse flower smell so terrible? To attract insects of course.
Because Titan Arum plants are located so far apart from one another and bloom so infrequently, they need to attract as much insect attention as possible to ensure pollination.
The corpse flower uses its smell to attract sweat bees and beetles looking for a prime location to lay their eggs. By crawling all over the plant, these insects play a vital role in pollinating the Titan Arum.
Or, to put it another way, it's like the Republican convention of the botanical world.
JEERS to the politics of fear. Sixty years ago tomorrow---on July 30, 1956---to ward off evil Communist spirits, the phrase "In God We Trust" became our country's national motto, a move led by a Democratic congressman---Charles E. Bennett:
He proposed putting the phrase “In God We Trust,” which began appearing on coins in 1864, on all paper and coin currency. “In these days when imperialistic and materialistic communism seeks to attack and destroy freedom, we should continually look for ways to strengthen the foundations of our freedom,” he declared on the House floor.
Today people have no freaking clue what our national motto is ("e pluribus spongecakes et creamy filling unum Box of Twinkies?"), but they know that rolled-up paper currency is a great way to snort cocaine. Yay, freedom!!!
JEERS to stupid human tricks. Let's check in and see how the Pokemon Go phenomenon is, um, going:
North Carolina city officials want 'Pokemon Go' off city property
Hiroshima unhappy atomic bomb park is 'Pokemon Go' site
'Pokemon Go' playing driver crashes into Melbourne school
Lifeboat crew scrambled as girls seen wandering into rough sea while playing 'Pokemon Go'
Bail set for 'Pokemon Go' shootout suspect in Las Vegas
'Pokemon Go' player mistaken for bank robber
And, of course, the inevitable: Lawyers are stoked for 'Pokemon Go' cases. Just wait 'til they see people lined up at their door when Sega releases 'Real World Frogger.'
CHEERS to a little help from our friends. On Sunday's date in 1777 (gosh, it seems like yesterday), the Marquis de Lafayette was made a major-general in the American Continental Army. He said that, even though we had to "go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time," the British Army was "in the last throes of the insurgency, if you will" because we had "turned a corner," and promised that after we won the War of Independence---based on a sensible "time horizon"---we'd be "greeted as liberators with sweets and flowers." Crazy French. Where do they come up with this stuff?
CHEERS to home vegetation. The entertainment industry is here to entertain you, and here’s some of the wowee zowee excitement on the tube this weekend, starting tonight with HBO’s Real Time , where Bill Maher corrals Barney Frank, Bernie Sanders, Matt Welch, Alex Wagner and the currently-insufferable Cornel West. At the same time (10pm), Lawrence O’Donnell will be talking with one of the stars of last night’s convention lineup, American Muslim Khizr Khan, who offered Donald Trump his personal copy of the U.S. Constitution. Tomorrow at 8 on Fox, some crazy daredevil is going to drop 25,000 feet without a parachute into a net. New DVD releases include Melissa McCarthy's The Boss and Barber Shop: The Next Cut. Pro golf's last major of the year---the PGA Championship---airs on CBS from the imposing Baltusrol course in New Jersey. (The windmill hole is a bitch.) The baseball lineup is here. (The Red Sox will “damn” the Angels to the hell that is the loser column Ha Ha Ha!) Sunday night at 8 the cheesiest disaster-movie franchise in history airs its latest entry on Syfy, and the title is brilliant: Sharknado: The 4th Awakens---now with even more Gilbert Gottfried and David Hasselhof! And John Oliver recaps the Democratic convention Sunday at 11pm on HBO's Last Week Tonight.
And here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Wow---Chuck Todd really wants to knock Hillary Clinton down, given his booking of Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort and Julian Assange; but I guess chess champion Boris Kasparov will say a few good things about her---he hates Trump. Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin comes out of her socks with excitement over the significance of the first woman candidate from a major party to get the presidential nomination.
This Week: Vice President BFD Joe Biden! Plus: Donald Trump. Retired Marine General John Allen explains his rousing endorsement of Hillary Clinton. And I still can't, for the life of me, understand why ABC feels the need to pluck Fox News employees (i.e. Greta van Susteren) for their pundit discussions. How come they never book Rachel Maddow? Or Don Lemon? Or Scott Pelley? Or Lester Holt?
CNN's State of the Union: Our next vice president and world’s best dad/husband/neighbor/co-worker/churchgoer/volunteer/coach Tim Kaine; star of the Democratic convention Khizr Khan and his pocket Constitution; racist senator and southern colonel Jeff Sessions from Alabama; Rep. Xavier Becerra (D-CA).
Face the Nation: The one, the only---Bernie!!! Plus: David Axelrod, whose tearful reaction to President Obama's convention speech was genuinely touching; Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort briefly forgets who he's representing and spends five minutes explaining why we need the bold leadership of Vladimir Putin to make America great again; RNC chairman Reince Priebus shows up drunk in his underwear because, fuck it, his party is gonna get shellacked in November so what does it matter? And I hope Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, rakes Republicans across the coals for failing to fund Zuika virus research because, guess what? It’s here!
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Interesting. Future 45th president Hillary Clinton goes into conservative territory to troll for right-leaners who haven't quite entered “crazy person who embraces every looney conspiracy theory that comes out of Sean hannity’s mouth” territory. Verrrrrry interesting.
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 29, 2006
JEERS to Dick Cheney's happy dance. Oil company profits have hit record highs again---Exxon ($10.3 billion), BP ($6.1 billion), and Royal Dutch Shell ($7.3 billion). You might be asking yourself: after making such an obscene amount of money during the difficult occupation of Iraq, do the oil giants plan to give some of it back? The answer is yes. This afternoon their caddies will each get an extra (and extra-crisp) 20-dollar bill.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to Balloongate. Ha ha ha…we can laugh about it now, right? Twelve years ago today, on July 29, 2004, the exclamation point that was supposed to cap John Kerry's acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention in Boston turned into an expletive-filled question mark when producer Don Mischer, not realizing his voice was going over the air, yelled: "Jesus! We need more balloons. I want all balloons to go, goddammit. I want more balloons. What's happening to the balloons? We need more balloons. Balloons balloons balloons! What the fuck are you guys doing up there??!!"
Astonishingly, twelve years later the republic survives.
Have a great weekend. See ya next month! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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