John Ellis "Jeb" Bush is incoherent in English, Spanish and his native form of expression, onomatopoeia. When he left the Phillips Academy in Andover for the University of Texas at Austin he raised the average IQ in both places. Concerned about standards, his alma mater doesn't boast much of Bush's Phi Beta Kappa and magna cum laude B.A. in Latin American studies.
Believe it or not, Jeb actually taught English, but he had to go to León, Guanajuato, Mexico, in order to find people who spoke it worse than he does.
His Republican bona fides list the usual support for terrorists, including finagling for the early release of one convicted of firing at a Polish freighter. In eliminating the Intangible Personal Property Tax Jeb showed his compassion for the poor [holders of stocks, bonds, money market and mutual funds]. His empathy for African Americans was on display when asked what he'd do to alleviate their plight. Jeb's response concluded with "probably nothing." He shares his brother's obsession with literacy, slashing budgets for libraries and web-based school texts. His support for public education is evident in his many school voucher and charter school initiatives, to say nothing of his refusal to raise education taxes. Libertarians can appreciate him wresting total control over Terri Schiavo's rights--at least until the courts found it unconstitutional. A similar fate awaited the legislation he rammed through to protect incompetent physicians against wrong death lawsuits. In 2005, he signed the infamous "stand your ground" law, allowing stalkers to murder unarmed black kids found in possession of Skittles after sundown.
Of course, none of this prevented Teabaggers from labeling him as “too liberal”. In 2006 he was offered the position of NFL Commissioner, apparently because the league couldn't find anyone less qualified until they stumbled onto Roger Goodell.
Jeb’s record is that of a "nuke-the-whales" climate denier, NRA stooge, homophobe and opponent of net neutrality. He supports forcing the poor to work for their welfare, unaware that this is called a job in English, causing minimum wage and other employment legislation to kick in. He supports capital punishment as long it takes less than 37 minutes. The AARP shouldn’t feel left out; Bush wants to raise the age of eligibility for Social Security from 65 to 68...or 70 (he hasn’t bothered to clarify).
All in all, a real sweetheart.
By the sheerest coincidence, Jeb happened to be Florida's governor in 2004 when his sibling, George W., won a presidential race that relied on something as precarious as hanging chads. Just to be clear, this was the brother who "kept us safe" after 9/11--the brother Jeb names as his main adviser on policy with the Middle East.
Always presidential, Jeb consoled mourners of the Umpqua Community College massacre with “Stuff happens” while making it clear this isolated incident shouldn’t be exploited by gun safety lobbies.
I'm not making this stuff up.
Based on 2014 data, 39% identify as independents, 32% as Democrats and 23% as Republicans.
— from Pew Research Center's “A Deep Dive Into Party Affiliation”
We shouldn't dismiss Jeb Bush as a nondescript doofus. This is a professional doofus. Surely, this stick of wood can't beat 32-23 odds to win the White House against Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders!
Can he?
Next: Is Jeb Electable?