Welcome back to our coverage of the other natural disaster bearing down on America today, the Donald Trump presidential campaign.
Today's big news would have to be the abject humiliation of Ted Cruz. No, it's not really the "big" news, but we're still allowed to marvel at just how low the man's prospects have sunk as he valiantly attempts to make pro-Donald Trump phone calls without ever saying Trump's name.
As for the rest of the news, most of it is considerably less funny. Most.
• Wow. That's the only possible response to news that the notoriously belligerent and shouty Gov. Chris Christie is helping Trump prepare for his upcoming town hall debate.
• Testimony from one of Trump's past bankruptcies reveals that Trump's own lawyers tried to avoid meeting with him one-on-one because Trump would so frequently have "a lack of memory" afterwards about what he had told them. Instead, two lawyers would be present for each meeting.
• Trump again dismissed questions about his insulting comments towards women, saying of his past comments: "A lot of that was done for the purposes of entertainment." But "there's nobody that has more respect for women than I do."
• Appearing in Nevada, Trump proudly announced to his audience that they were pronouncing the name of their state wrong. He also promised an interviewer that while he was not versed on the controversial Yucca Mountain nuclear waste repository, he will take a look at it and "come out very strongly one way or the other. I will have an opinion." Now that's presidenting!
• Donald Trump showed off his sense of humor by instructing his terminally ill supporters to "hang on" until the election. "I say kiddingly, but I mean it."
• It's not just the 1995 tax return: Of the five years of Trump tax figures reporters have been able to unearth, he paid little or no taxes in all of them. But it's not just a question of his taxes: We still don't know just who, in the world, Donald Trump owes massive amounts of money to. He won't tell us.
• While Trump has repeatedly cited his minimal (apparent) tax obligations as evidence of financial genius, it should be noted in passing that Trump, like all people who reside in apartments decorated with gold leaf, does not prepare his own taxes.
• Yes, Donald Trump does believe in climate change. At least, he does when it's his own beachfront property on the line.
• Donald Trump has revealed his secret ISIS plan, at least according to new mailers being sent to voters. It consists of barring immigration and refugees from certain countries and an assurance that he will "call violence by Islamic extremists what it is—terrorism." How this will "defeat ISIS once and for all" is left unexplained, as ISIS currently relies neither on immigrants to America or what politicians call it to achieve its goals; we look forward to having it spelled out further in future postcards.
• The Clinton camp continues to make hay from Republican vice presidential nominee Mike Pence's insistence that Donald Trump did not say the things he was videotaped saying, this time with a minute-plus long montage of him saying those things.
• Another day, another suggestion from Donald Trump that he really, really doesn't want to attack Bill Clinton, but he will if he feels like it.
• In the wake of that very bad debate night for Trump, the Daily Kos Elections Forecast gives Clinton an 83% chance of winning the election.
• Trump's newest downturn has downticket Republicans sweating bullets again. While the mountains of cash dumped into House and Senate races by fundraisers unwilling to give to Trump continues to provide some insulation against a Trump trouncing, there's only so much that money can do. If Trump collapses entirely that cash may still not be enough.
• 30 former Republican lawmakers have written a letter opposing Trump, calling him "a man who makes a mockery of the principles and values we have cherished and which we sought to represent in Congress."
• The Trump candidacy is exacerbating post-Ailes fault lines in the Fox News network. Or to put it another way: "It's pretty clear that Kelly thinks Hannity is a sycophantic hack."
• Rudy Giuliani's daughter Caroline will be voting for Clinton.