From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Late Night Snark: On the Downslope Edition
Debate prediction: Closest we get to talk of climate change tonight is when Trump mentions his daughter keeps getting hotter.
---Bill Maher on twitter
"There is nothing like sharing a stage with Donald Trump. Donald wanted me drug tested before last night's debate. And look, I've got to tell you, I am so flattered that Donald thought I used some sort of performance enhancer. Actually, I did. It's called preparation."
---Hillary Clinton last night at the Al Smith Dinner
“Democracy’s gonna end with a cliffhanger. I guess we’re all gonna have to wait until November 9th to find out if we still have a country---if Donald Trump is in the mood for a peaceful transfer of power, or if he’s just gonna wipe his fat ass with the Constitution.”
---Stephen Colbert
"No matter what happens on November 8th---or the 28th, or whenever the election is happening---Trump apparently has a contingency plan. It seems Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner is in talks to create a Trump media network…probably be a news network. Trump News: It’s for people who love the news but feel like it’s not being yelled at them loud enough."
---James Corden
“Every four years Scholastic News Magazine sponsors a mock election where kids from all over the country cast a vote for president. The results have been correct in every election since 1964 and this year Hillary Clinton won in a landslide---she beat Trump 52-35. The other 13 percent voted for SpongeBob.”
---Jimmy Kimmel
Happy weekend. Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, October 21, 2016
Note: Tomorrow is National Nut Day. So tonight, help yourself to the bowl of pistachios, almonds, walnuts, filberts and Gohmerts.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Halloween: 10
Days 'til the Joshua Tree National Park Night Sky Festival: 7
Percent of Democrats who thought Clinton won the 3rd debate and Republicans who thought Trump won it, respectively, according to CNN's post-debate poll: 93%, 74%
Voters in New Hampshire who plan to vote for Clinton and Trump, respectively, according to a new WMUR Granite State poll: 49%, 34%
Percent chance that the latest Federal Reserve report calls the state of the economy "mostly positive, with growth expected to continue": 100%
Portion of the 19,253 anti-Semitic tweets sent to journalists during the 2016 campaign that came from just 1,600 twitter accounts, according to the Anti-Defamation League: 2/3
Rank of "super hero" among top children's Halloween costumes, vanquishing "princess" from the top spot according to the National Retail Federation: #1
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Canine Teddy bear 'trust fall'
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CHEERS to reason #44 why the 2016 election is going to turn out very well for Democrats. This guy:
Kicking Republicans when they’re down. God, I love it.
JEERS to the Big Waste of Everyone’s Time Of 2015 (even though it has a happy ending). Here's an anniversary that should enjoy an extended life in the history books forever: one year ago tomorrow the Select Committee on Benghazi (price tag to taxpayers: $6.8 million) met and grilled Hillary Clinton for eleven---E-L-E-V-E-N---hours, trying to wear her down, break her spirit, cause her to fly off the handle or simply dissolve her in a puddle of tears. None of that happened. Instead, Trey Gowdy was all like, "Yuh huh!" And Hillary Clinton was all like, "Nuh uh!" And Elijah Cummings was all like, "Disband these stupid hearings!" And Gowdy was all like, "You shut up old man I'm the one with the gavel here!" And Mike Pompeo was all like, "Sidney Blumenthal!" And Hillary was all like, "What about Sidney Blumenthal?" And Pompeo was all like, "You tell me!" And then Hillary was all like, "I'm Hillary Clinton, and I approve this Republican train wreck." And then everyone went home and she became our 45th president for eight years. The End.
JEERS to another hold-your-breath-moment in American history. Okay, now this was a real crisis: on October 22, 1962 President Kennedy informed the world that the Soviet Union was building secret missile bases in Cuba:
He ordered our military to quarantine Cuba until Soviet premier Khrushchev agreed to shut 'em down. Kennedy negotiated his way through the melee without establishing a color-coded terror alert system, telling us to go shopping, or invading a country that had nothing to do with the crisis at hand. And to think he called himself a leader.
CHEERS to overwhelming the bastards. Lots of eyeballs a' poppin' in Maine today as numbers come out on voter registrations. Seems Democrats in our beautiful, progressive state are sick and tired of Republicans here (led by our profoundly disgusting baby-eating governor) turning the place into backwoods Alabama, so we're coming out of the woodwork to vote:
Voter registration is at an all-time high in Maine, with Democrats gaining most of the ground at the expense of Republicans and unenrolled voters, according to data from the Secretary of State’s Office. […]
the number of registered Democrats has jumped by nearly 16,000, from 309,100 last year to 324,820 so far in 2016. Republican ranks increased by more than 4,000, from 263,392 in 2015 to 267,586 this year. […] The registration numbers in Maine could be good news for Democrats, who also have a 2-to-1 margin in absentee voting in Maine thus far.
Comparing this year’s numbers with 2012, there are about 10,000 more registered Democrats, who now make up 32.6 percent of voters, and about 2,000 fewer Republicans, who account for 26.8 percent.
I plan to vote next week at City Hall because I like soaking up the ambience of municipal competence in action. (Plus sometimes they put out a plate of cookies.) But my partner Michael sent in his ballot today by mail. I hope they appreciate the six pounds of glitter we included in it. Because voting time is party time!!!
CHEERS to fair seas and a light breeze. The end of Atlantic Hurricane season is now just 40 days away, and here's the current map:
Nothing but deep acidifying blue sea, collapsing fisheries and massive plastic garbage patches. [Sigh.] How comforting.
CHEERS to flying fingers. On October 21, 1918, a typing speed record was set by Margaret Owen of New York City: 170 words per minute on a manual typewriter. Here's a sample:
Jig Thyebeg ehdrhi slaw 948has no jdo0-fghbf reydhgnc convkde braggadocio 94u8457b og nut arkblarg Gimbel manly th rocks
If she was alive today she'd be enjoying a lucrative career writing Trump tweets.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Here's a brief rundown of some of the boob-tubage on this weekend. PBS owns tonight with its Great Performances special on the musical Hamilton, which offers up a "fascinating behind-the-scenes look at the creation of Hamilton; a generous serving of clips from it; and a condensed biography of the man it's about." New DVD/streaming releases run the gamut from the sequel to Alice in Wonderland that bombed to the sequel to Independence Day that bombed. Tomorrow night the Chicago Cubs are going to muscle their way past the Los Angeles Dodgers (I promise, and I'm putting it in writing!), setting up a totally awesome World Series with the Cleveland Indians. The NHL schedule is here, and the football schedule is here. (The Patriots are going to be so hot they’ll cause a Steelers “smeltdown” Ha Ha Ha!!!) Tom Hanks hosts SNL, but we expect Alec Baldwin will steal the show again in an opening sketch about the third debate. 60 Minutes has a look at the battleground state of Ohio and its role in the 2016 election. And on The Simpsons, anchor Kent Brockman has difficulty adapting to social media.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup, spotty as it is:
Meet the Press: TBA
This Week: TBA
Face the Nation: David Axelrod; RNC Titanic captain Reince Priebus; Republican buzzword guy (“death panels,” “death tax”...that guy) Frank Luntz on how Donald trump can sail to victory on a white steed presumably borrowed from Putin; CBS Elections guru Anthony Salvanto reveals new battleground polls.
CNN's State of the Union: Trump campaign manager and one of the great villains of this election cycle Kellyanne Conway. The roundtable includes Jan Brewer, Dana Loesch and blue dog Democrat Bob Kerrey---if you look directly at them in the same camera shot, your face will melt.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Congressman Xavier Becerra; Newt Gingrich (hawking a new book called "Treason," which was also the name of an Ann Coulter book---they do so love their drama queen titles.)
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 21, 2006
JEERS to the guru of goalpost-movers. Just so we have a record we can look back on, New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman said that the "next [three] [six] [nine] months" in Iraq would be the most crucial in November, 2003 (35 months ago)...June, 2004 (28 months ago)...October, 2004 (24 months ago)...November, 2004 (23 months ago)...September, 2005 (13 months ago)...December, 2005 (10 months ago)...January, 2006 (9 months ago)...March, 2006 (7 months ago)...April, 2006 (6 months ago)...and May, 2006 (5 months ago). And he still has a key to the executive washroom. Astounding.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to listening to your elders. Lennie Gerber and Pearl Berlin (who is almost a spitting-image of my own grandmother) are a North Carolina couple who have been together for 49 years and recently got married. With early voting now underway in the state, the Human Rights Campaign features the couple in a new ad talking about "the historic nature of voting for Hillary Clinton." Grab a hankie and click:
Not to be outdone, the Trump campaign is now producing a video of his elderly supporters beating reporters with their canes.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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