From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Late Night Snark: How's That Drainy Swampy Thing Workin' Out for Ya?
"According to The Washington Post, the CIA found that Russia interfered in the election to help Donald Trump win the presidency. Experts say this is the biggest scandal America’s faced for decades and the biggest scandal Trump’s faced since Friday."
---Jimmy Fallon
"Organizers have announced that Donald Trump will attend two inaugural balls during his first week in office. One in Washington, D.C. and then, of course, the real one in Moscow."
---Seth Meyers
"On Twitter Trump announced his nominee for secretary of state, Rex Tillerson, CEO of a small mom-and-pop business called Exxon Mobil. He announced he’s changing his slogan from 'Drain the swamp' to 'Fill ’er up!'”
---Jimmy Kimmel
"I assume from now on, all gas stations are official U.S. embassies, which is perfect for any refugees who are seeking asylum and maybe a Slim Jim."
---Stephen Colbert
"Ah, the American alt-right. In Germany we call it ‘why Grandpapa lives in Argentina now.’"
---Angela Merkel (Kate McKinnon) on SNL
"Look, Democrats, I know you're having a rough time. But if your panic over a loss makes you abandon both your principles and the people who actually vote for you, then you'll be in the wilderness for a decade...or until Trump's cabinet sells the wilderness to oil companies, so really about a month."
---Samantha Bee
And three years ago this week on The Daily Show:
Fox News host Megyn Kelly: For all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white.
Jon Stewart: Santa is just white? Who are you actually talking to? Children who are sophisticated enough to be watching a news channel at 10 o'clock at night, yet innocent enough to still believe Santa Claus is real, yet racist enough to be freaked out if he isn’t white?"
C’mon down and splash in the kiddie pool. Tonight we’re loading slop from the Trump Grill into our catapult and hurling it at Russia. (Sure, I’ll be tried for crimes against humanity, but it’s worth it.) Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, December 16, 2016
Note: A quick reminder that the $50 discount on your Netroots Nation registration expires at midnight. Click here to seal the deal. From Eric, Mary, Linda, Nolan, and the entire NN staff: happy holidays and see you in Atlanta next August!
-
By the Numbers:
Days 'til 2017: 16
Days 'til the Sandstone Ice Festival in Minnesota: 21
Weekly unemployment claims, the 93rd straight week under the $300k threshold, indicating a healthy jobs market: 254,000
Ratio of babies born in rural and urban areas in 2004 with symptoms of withdrawal from heroin or prescription painkillers, according to a University of Michigan study: 1 in 1,000
Ratio in urban and rural areas, respectively, today: 5 in1,000 / 8 in 1,000
Percent of the U.S. land area managed by the Dept. of the Interior: 20%
The last time the first full day of Hanukkah fell on Christmas: 1959
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Pootie head smoosh…
-
CHEERS to common weed in the commonwealth. That sound you heard yesterday was the relieved exhaling of thousands of marijuana users and advocates in Massachusetts, as recreational pot became legal:
The Massachusetts law allows adults 21 and over to possess up to an ounce of pot outside the home, up to 10 ounces inside the home and grow up to a dozen marijuana plants per household.
But as it will be at least a year before licensed pot shops are allowed to open, recreational users still have little choice but to buy the drug from illegal dealers.
The wishes of the voters will be respected, pledged [Governor Charlie] Baker, who strongly opposed legalization. But he defended efforts that may lead to revisions.
Among the benefits: law enforcement and the state government will be able to focus on more pressing issues, like heroin abuse and the pharmaceutical industry's opioid-addiction complex. But the law may also result in something else that up 'til now has always been considered impossible: slower Massachusetts drivers.
CHEERS to more time to choose. Yesterday the deadline passed for people who want to sign up for a new health insurance plan on the federal exchange in time for coverage to start on January 1. Or…did it? Actually, no. Via email from the fed'ral gubmint:
The December 15 deadline has been extended through December 19 at 11:59 p.m. PST (2:59 a.m. EST) due to extraordinary consumer demand.
That means you have an additional four days to come back to HealthCare.gov and get coverage starting January 1.
You could save money by switching to a new plan. People who switch plans within the same coverage level for 2017 could save an estimated $28 per month on average compared to their 2016 premium.
But in some states you have even more time, so check Charles Gaba's (brainwrap's) list here. Meanwhile, Obamacare continues to free people from the condition called "job lock," giving them more freedom to pursue their career goals on their own without being chained to lousy jobs working for someone else because it's the only way they can get health insurance. So, in essence, Democrat Barack Obama has created conditions in America that promote more rugged individualism, entrepreneurship and boot-strap-up-pulling. No wonder Republicans are so pissed---he stole their act.
CHEERS to civil disobedience...with pinky extended. Don't forget to throw a few bags of Earl Grey into the ol' woodchipper tomorrow, the 243rd anniversary of the Boston Tea Party. That was the day in 1773 when rebellious colonists dumped a few hundred chests of tea into Boston Harbor. It was an act of defiance against the British Crown for imposing taxation without representation. Which is exactly what the modern day "tea party" is all about, plus racism, birtherism, secessionism, misogyny, Islamophobia, homophobia, and making the rich as comfortable as possible...but minus the taxation without representation part since they do have taxation with representation. (Hint: they're called "representatives.")
CHEERS to returning to the Galaxy Far Far Away. Episode I-III trauma survivors rejoice! There's no trade federation, Jar Jar Binks, whiny brats, or eye-numbing wall-to-wall CG effects. Back are the swarms of stormtroopers, imperial walkers, real sets, amazing new planets, and the original Death Star in all it's nearly-completed nefarious glory.
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (some are calling it "Episode 3.5") is epic science fiction that puts the series back on the track it so brilliantly embarked on in 1977---in fact, this one literally ends with events that bump up perfectly to the opening scene in A New Hope. The villains are sufficiently hiss-worthy ("That Vader is a baaaad mother…" "Shut yo mouth!" "Well I'm talkin' 'bout the Dark Lord." "And we can dig it!"), new droid K-2SO takes its rightful place alongside scratched-and-dented R2D2 and C3-PO, and composer Michael Giacchino ably channels and expands upon John Williams' classic scores. But what certifies Rogue One as a great flick is its achievement of the nearly-impossible gold standard for modern-day moviegoing: no one turned their on smartphone even once during the whole thing. Final rating: eleventy and a half billion stars out of twelventy!
CHEERS to that little scamp on popemobile wheels. An early "Happy Birthday" (and many blessings on your camels) to Pope Francis! He's 80 tomorrow. Honest to His Boss, I never thought a pope would win our Friday "Who Won the Week" poll, let alone six times, but Francis has the magic touch. He's not about to un-tether the Catholic church from the old ways, but at least he's opening discussions on contentious issues (climate change, the widening wealth gap, Gitmo detainees) and is ditching a lot of the fire-and-brimstone rhetoric of his predecessors. Oh, and bonus points for publicly saying that the idiots who write conspiracy-based fake news at sites like Breitbart literally eat shit. I didn’t know what to get him for a present, so I went to Target, closed my eyes, spun myself around, opened my eyes back up and bought the thing I was pointing at. I hope he enjoys his new pantyhose!
CHEERS to home vegetation. Sure, the world's crumbling around us…but we've got the magic talking picture box to make things better, so cheer up, Bucky. There's nothing much on tonight besides Chris and Rachel delivering the latest horribleness from Trump World, so you might want to start off with a new DVD-streaming release, like the bubbly (if off-key) Florence Foster Jenkins and the critically-acclaimed story of Barack and Michelle’s first date, Southside with You. There's an SNL Christmas special tomorrow night (NBC) right before Casey Affleck hosts the live Christmas episode at 11:30. The NHL schedule is here, and the football schedule is here. (The Patriots will kick Denver in the pants and send 'em a “mile high” Ha Ha Ha!) Sunday night at 7 (ABC) is the annual airing of The Sound of Music which, as always, is a much trippier experience if you turn the sound down and play Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon over it. (This is true for all movies, by the way.) And on 60 Minutes: Denzel Washington interview, the pope's choir, and a segment on the Syrian Civil Defense.
And here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: TBA
This Week: TBA
Face the Nation: Ta-Nehisi Coates talks about his Atlantic article “My President Was Black”; War criminal Henry Kissinger; Kellyanne Conway; former National Security Adviser Tom Donilon.
CNN's State of the Union: This week it’s Jake Tapper’s turn to babysit John McCain while Cindy goes shopping. Plus AG Loretta Lynch.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Reince Priebus; Congressman Don Beyer (D-VA); elector Clay Pell of Rhode Island.
Happy viewing!
-
Ten years ago in C&J: December 16, 2006
JEERS to headlines as punchlines. Nothing we say can top this: Soy is making kids gay. Like I said...nothing.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to the Notorious Ludwig B. When I was 10 (ah, those glorious Gerald Ford years), me and a busload of 5th grade classmates went to see the Cleveland Symphony Orchestra. It was the first time I'd ever heard classical music played by a live orchestra. When the first notes of Beethoven's 6th 'Pastoral' symphony started playing, it was love at first downbeat and I've been waving my lighter and throwing my underwear on the stage at concerts ever since. Today the world celebrates Beethoven's 246th birthday. In his honor, enjoy this Ode to Flash Mob:
Have a joyous weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-