Let me start by saying it’s not OK to call a woman Honey if you don’t know her.
I know some women aren’t offended by it, but a lot of us are — especially those of us who spent the 1960’s and 70’s fighting for equality.
I was turned down for a job because they wanted a man, even though there was no reason for wanting a man. They wanted a male voice answering the phone because they wanted the person to be “taken seriously,” as though no one would take a woman seriously. The company owner called me Honey when he told me that.
I was trying to advocate for my son while he was in middle school. The assistant principal told me I should paddle his butt, and when I said I would decide on his punishment, the man called me Honey.
I was interviewing the head of a Chamber of Commerce for a story on economic development and he interrupted me to tell me, “you have lovely hands, Honey.”
An advertising rep came into the newsroom once to tell me he had promised an advertiser a story. When I told him he only sold ad space and had no place promising editorial space, he called me Baby and went to the publisher, who, fortunately, told him I was right.
A small-town mayor called me Baby during an interview and pouted when I refused to let him buy me lunch (it was against the newspaper’s policy and I agreed with that policy). He asked me to think of it as a date, and I told him to think of it as a professional interview gone sour. I put $20 down on the table and left.
When I was working at a newspaper and discovered a man doing the same job I was doing was making $50 more a week than I was, even though we had equal responsibilities and experience, I complained and was given a raise. Then he was given a raise and told not to tell me because I was such a “radical feminazi bitch.” He told me because he was so appalled.
Once, when I was laid off a job, another worker who was laid off told me I shouldn’t be worried because I really was only working for “pin money.” I explained my income put a roof over my kids’ heads, clothed them and fed them, while he was living, rent free, with his mother. But he thought he deserved a job more than I did because I was a woman.
When an ad sales rep at a small paper where I worked pursued me relentlessly, I complained to the publisher, whose response was, “Oh, Honey, that’s just Bob.” Realizing I would have to deal with this on my own, I asked for Bob’s phone number and then told him if he ever so much as spoke to me about anything other than business again, I would call his wife and tell her to make him leave me alone.
These are just a few of the times I’ve been discriminated against, not taken seriously sexualized and infantalized because I’m a woman. I have been pinched and groped and touched against my will and called frigid when I complained about unwelcome advances.
So. today, when a furniture salesman asked me my name and then proceeded to call me Honey, I left. I will buy elsewhere.
Since then, a man came onto my Facebook post to tell me he kind of enjoys being called Honey. I explained that he might feel differently if he were coming at it through the eyes of a woman who associates that word with sexist behaviors.
He poo-pooed that as though my opinion wasn’t valid, and when I called him on it, he blocked me.
Then a young woman told me I should be more positive.
I told her I had fought for women’s rights as a young woman, then as a middle-aged woman, and now as a retired woman. I can be plenty positive. I smile a lot. But when I am disrespected, I will not shrug it off.
So call me a bitch. I expect that from people who don’t respect women as equals.
Let me just say here that holding a door open for me because you got there a moment before I did is appreciated and I will do the same for you. But when you do it because I’m somehow a delicate flower who can’t fend for myself, if I knew that I would be less gracious. Since I can’t know your motive, I will always smile and thank you.
But these negative things associated with being called Honey, Baby or Sweetie, instead of my name stay with me. You will respect me. You will understand my feelings are valid and real, whether you think you would feel differently in my shoes or not. You will call me by my name, especially if you want to do business with me.
And if you think that is too radical for you, then walk away.