Fourth of July. Politicians. Put the two together, and they give birth to speeches. For example, this jewel from House Speaker Paul Ryan.
On this year’s Fourth, we can celebrate the historic document that was signed—and the self-evident truths it declared. We can celebrate the historic battles that were fought so that those truths would embrace all of our people. We can remember the extraordinary men and women, so dedicated to those truths, who died on this day—and the millions of others whose names we’ll never know.
Historic document. Self-evident truths. That sounds like a good start. It's not clear why we should be not just commemorating, but “celebrating” battles. Still … Okay. It’s when we get to "the extraordinary men and women, so dedicated to those truths, who died on this day” that anyone not more interested in getting to the bottom of their next beer than processing the Speaker’s words runs into a big “huh?” Who were these “extraordinary men and women … who died on this day,” you’re no doubt wondering.
Does the House Speaker believe that the American Revolution both started and ended on the same day? As in, dash off the letter at 8, Lexington around 9ish, climb a hill, cross that river, everyone meet in Yorktown for tea? Or perhaps the extraordinary men he’s talking about were from the Army of Northern Virginia, making its retreat back from a defeat at Gettysburg. Though really, he might just as likely be talking about all the crusaders done in by Saladin on July 4, 1187.
But the most obvious answer is also the simplest: Paul Ryan was simply recalling the exhortations of America’s greatest warrior president, Bill Pullman.
"We will not go quietly into the night!
We will not vanish without a fight!
We lost a lot of extraordinary extras, stuntmen, and CGI Americans securing our independence on that July 4. Too bad they all they got in tribute was such an awful sequel. And also, that movie.